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Teenagers

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Original poster

DD Suspended from Uni

328 replies

Velvetlady · 25/10/2016 15:30

My 17 year old DD has been asked to leave her halls of residence and has been suspended from her course. Last week, she had friends round for a drink and things got out of hand. Neighbours complained to the Police about noise and a window was broken! One of DD's friends invited boys round once DD had gone to bed & one of them stole food belonging to her flatmates! My DD apologized to all involved and replaced the food and paid for the window to be fixed. However, the other day DD got called out of class to speak to the head of her course and the Accommodation Officer. They had a letter from DD's flatmate reporting her for drinking alcohol under age. DD was asked to leave the halls by 5pm and has been suspended from classes until a disciplinary hearing. DD wasn't able to pack her in time and had about half her belongings thrown out by the security guard. I'm so angry at DD! However, I do feel she has been treated harshly for one episode of bad behaviour. Has anyone else had a child go through a disciplinary at uni?

OP posts:
DrDreReturns · 26/10/2016 20:10

Answer the question! What did you mean by I also note your name. Presumably 'English in Scotland'?

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 20:24

'I hope Karma bites the miserable holier tgan thou flatmate right on her arse.grin'

There's no such thing. But sadly, there is such a thing as bigots in this world. So again, I ask about your comments about English people in Scotland and what exactly you mean by this.

lougle · 26/10/2016 20:29

It's sad that you see it as boasting. It should be the basic expectation of every healthcare professional from the moment they sign up from training until the moment they retire.

lougle · 26/10/2016 20:30

*for training.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 26/10/2016 20:32

Answer the question! What did you mean by I also note your name. Presumably 'English in Scotland'?

^ this.

Still avoiding the question scaryclown whilst wittering on about karma

PikachuSayBoo · 26/10/2016 20:33

It is to just that she ad friends round though is it scaryclown? It's not even just under aged drinking.

It's leaving strangers unattended to roam about......the sort of people who will steal stuff from flatmates. I would be so pissed off about that. It would make me feel unsafe in my own home and that's not fair.

Then noise/disturbance on top of that. Maybe it wasn't the first time it had happened to some degree? Maybe the flatmates had already tried telling the OPs dd and got nowhere?

Also have you not thought that the warden/uni would be asking who broke the window? If nobody owned up then everyone would have to contribute. No way would I be footing the bill when it was nothing to do with me. I would totally be dropping a flatmate in it if they didn't own up.

FrancisCrawford · 26/10/2016 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2kids2dogsnosense · 26/10/2016 21:22

For heaven's sake Scary - why are you being so vindictive and spiteful?

OP's daughter is learning a valuable life lesson. If the Uni has suspended her and is going to discipline her, the odds are that things have happened that OP knows nothing about, and she has been causing problems for others for a while. I hope this girl hasn't ruined her chances, but if she has SHE is the one who has done it - not the person who has reported her.

Taking your logic to the natural conclusion, none of us should ever call HR, police - anyone, whatever injustices we experience, because that isn't being a "team player". Well, being a team player works two ways. The OP's daughter is hardly being a "team player" if she's behaving like this.

lougle wasn't boasting. She was pointing out that the patients are the important people in the NHS, and if someone isn't prepared to consider other people, she's unlikely to have the empathy to be a nurse. To be a good nurse you have to CARE about other people, not just yourself.

I'm sure OP's daughter didn't imagine that the people she invited in would behave so badly, but she put her flatmate in danger, and allowed people to steal and damage property. Her flatmate is entitled to be angry about it. It is to the girl's credit that she did what she could to make the damage good, but we don't know what has happened before and how many chances sh has had.

scaryclown · 26/10/2016 21:35

We don't, so stop making things up and saying 'chances are' etc. no smoke without fire.. one swallow doesnt make a summer, and ooh she's got wonky eyes that one...

'steal' they nipped a bit of food whilst drunk hungry
'damaged property' a wondow got broken..most simple answer 'accidentally' and none of the rapes, murders, dirty protests, nuclear war, genocide etc happened, so why people are talking about it is beyond me. They 'might have' come in and had a respecrful prayer group and left a million pounds under all the chairs in the living room too...fantasy is a wonderful thing, so why make so fearful and nasty?.

Weirdos.

Original poster
Velvetlady · 26/10/2016 21:43

I managed to get DD to pick up the phone today and it seems this was her third warning in the Halls. Her whole flat got a warning about noise on the first night of Fresher's week and she accidentally set off the fire alarm by burning a toastie! As the party was her third warning and a fire extinguisher was stolen she was evicted. She had paid for the fire extinguisher to be replaced. I'm so angry at her! I don't want her to come home any more but have offered to help her move in to a new flat when she finds one

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 26/10/2016 21:44

Still ignoring the question scaryclown.

Stop insulting people.

Original poster
Velvetlady · 26/10/2016 21:46

She admitted it was one of the boys that broke the window and she paid for it to be replaced.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 26/10/2016 21:46

scaryclown

If you are a medical professional, I'm surprised that you have lasted so long with your lack of empathy.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/10/2016 21:49

Velvetlady

Hopefully she has learnt from this and won't be as trusting in future.

lougle · 26/10/2016 21:51

It sounds like a series of unfortunate events, Velvet. The fire safety teams are really touchy about toaster alarms. She's very young, and it sounds like the first warning was unavoidable (by her) and the second warning was a genuine accident. Hopefully she'll have been given a shock and she'll reign it in for the rest of the course.

Original poster
Velvetlady · 26/10/2016 21:52

This is very out of character for DD. DD works part time in a care home for adults with learning disabilities and has never given me much bother apart from the usual teenage back chat. I would never have though she was so immature. I'm so disappointed with her!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 21:53

I hope she has learned a valuable lesson, Velvet.

And I hope scary isn't somewhere in Scotland, treating Shock English people (this is the UK, scary) and looking down on them as she appears to be doing here.

redweather · 26/10/2016 22:19

I'm glad you got to speak to her, OP. Sounds like a combination of a lot of things got your DD disciplined, and a 'three strikes and you're out' system is common in a lot of uni halls.

One thing I would say though - and I'm not doubting your empathy and love as a parent in any way - is please be angry at what she's done, but not at her. She's 17 and will have the chance to learn from this, and probably feels like shit right now. When I had to interrupt my studies for MH reasons, my DM made my life hell when I moved back home because I had 'failed' and 'let her down'. I can only imagine what she would have said had I been officially disciplined Sad

Good luck to both of you. Flowers

GruochMacAlpin · 26/10/2016 22:19

Oh Velvet you poor thing, it must be a horrible feeling.

It does sound like she has taken responsibility for making restitution which is a good thing.

Hopefully she can persuade the disciplinary board that she has learned her lesson and rejoin the course without missing too much.

Flowers
Original poster
Velvetlady · 26/10/2016 22:23

Also found out that she broke the microwave by putting a takeaway carton in it and had to pay for a new one. She sold her laptop on Gumtree to pay for all the fines as she didn't want to ask me for money.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 26/10/2016 22:44

Velvet she has got carried away cos she is away from home swept along in the chaos if she wasnton the nursing course nobody would bother but she is 17 and they have made an example of her. If it was 1 of mine i would be raging too. I hope her discplinary is just a smacked wrist and enough to scare her to calm herself down.

lougle · 26/10/2016 22:49

Poor girl. She's been a bit of a wally but I expect she didn't even think about the carton. At least you know now.

Original poster
Velvetlady · 26/10/2016 22:53

She's never been the best at cooking even though I tried to teach her many times! She wouldn't have known about the foil carton as we don't have a takeaway very often. It would have been an accident rather than an act of vandalism.

OP posts:
Original poster
Velvetlady · 26/10/2016 22:57

She has had to pay £350 in fines due to all the damage she has caused. She will be on a very tight budget if she gets to remain on the course.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 26/10/2016 23:00

Is she far from home does she not want to come back and just decompress and get some microwave cooking lessons Wink