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Original poster

DD Suspended from Uni

328 replies

Velvetlady · 25/10/2016 15:30

My 17 year old DD has been asked to leave her halls of residence and has been suspended from her course. Last week, she had friends round for a drink and things got out of hand. Neighbours complained to the Police about noise and a window was broken! One of DD's friends invited boys round once DD had gone to bed & one of them stole food belonging to her flatmates! My DD apologized to all involved and replaced the food and paid for the window to be fixed. However, the other day DD got called out of class to speak to the head of her course and the Accommodation Officer. They had a letter from DD's flatmate reporting her for drinking alcohol under age. DD was asked to leave the halls by 5pm and has been suspended from classes until a disciplinary hearing. DD wasn't able to pack her in time and had about half her belongings thrown out by the security guard. I'm so angry at DD! However, I do feel she has been treated harshly for one episode of bad behaviour. Has anyone else had a child go through a disciplinary at uni?

OP posts:
scaryclown · 26/10/2016 17:18

So complete avoidance of the question? Its a yes isnt it.

P1nkP0ppy · 26/10/2016 17:19

It's beyond 'jostling ' with window being broken, police called, property stolen etc.scareyclown.

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 17:19

Oh, I definitely learned not to put up with fuckwit flatmates who couldn't hold their booze. I'm just glad this person's behaviour did not result in criminal behaviour against one of the other flatmates, because it could well have done.

I'll never forget my last set of uni flatmates. The girl had a stalker boyfriend. He rang her and told her he was coming over to 'fuck up' her car. Her brother and some other guy went to guard the car, leaving the front door unlocked. The ex boyfriend, also a student, came over, locked the door and threatened her with a knife and held her hostage for 2 hours. Thankfully, I was out at the time.

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 17:21

'So complete avoidance of the question? Its a yes isnt it.'

Actually, it's a no, not that it's any of your business and frankly, your comment is bordering on bigoted, if not entirely so. I see you avoided my question as well, do you have a problem with English people in Scotland? How very peculiar, stupid and bigoted.

NerrSnerr · 26/10/2016 17:23

'People are paying a shitload of money for this education, getting into debt, who would allow some idiot who has no boundaries or respect to fuck that up for them?'

The flatmate is also paying shitloads for her education and she doesn't deserve some idiot to come along, steal her food, smash a window in her flat etc. I would put good money on there being more incidents. I would also say someone who invites people who steal and break things into shared accommodation to have no boundaries or respect.

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 17:25

'The flatmate is also paying shitloads for her education and she doesn't deserve some idiot to come along, steal her food, smash a window in her flat etc. I would put good money on there being more incidents. I would also say someone who invites people who steal and break things into shared accommodation to have no boundaries or respect.'

And that was exactly my point! The OP's DD's flatmates shouldn't have to put up with someone like this.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 26/10/2016 17:26

Glad you know the OPs DD and her flatmates scaryclown Hmm. It's almost like you are deliberately trying to be goady.

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 17:26

If I knew my DD or DS had a flatmate like this I'd be fucking livid, and terrified of what could happen to them in their own home because of someone acting like a fuckwit.

Topseyt · 26/10/2016 17:28

Scary, parents who try to talk to the uni about their student children are likely to be met with a refusal to engage.

The uni will respect the "child's" right to confidentiality. It isn't the same loco-parentis situation as there is in schools.

SoupDragon · 26/10/2016 17:33

The chances of that flatmate not having drunk alcohol as a 17 year old are small.

And that means she should condone, and end up being responsible for other 17 year olds doing it?

She isn't rsponsible for it at all. It is rather hypocritical not to turn a blind eye to underage drinking by someone less than a year under the legal age of you have done it yourself (not that we know the flat mate didbut it is very likely)

She'd be the first to blame if something had happened to her.

No she wouldn't. Not in the slightest.

The flatmate also had food stolen and a window was smashed and the police called so I think it's fair she reported her.

The DD didn't steal the food and she paid for the window to be fixed (whether this was her or not). The flatmate only appears to have reported her for underage drinking though so those things are irrelevant.

scaryclown · 26/10/2016 17:34

I'm not being goady, i'm explaining sharing team work and max-win social problem-solving. of cpurse max-lose people will throw bricks at the witch. That's how they work, and i'm also well aware that moving a disagreememt to 'goady' is what they call'escalation' gently using emptive or 'banning clause' language to try and draw in the fire of the higher power..in this case Mumsnet moderators. bullies are sure that using the right terms and comtinual escalating the description of a situation shpuld eventually convince the higher power to act on their behalf..ie to follow their (already stayed) preference to eliminate people who arent like them.

As i say, this is a wonderfully illustrative situation for the OP and will be an allegory pf how mobbing develops when conflicts are managed ineffectively.

As i say, the OP shpuld focus on the overall picture and DDs needs here, and not focus on placating aggressive career attackers..let them play their game, and support your DD in hers.

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 17:36

So still no response on your comments about English people in Scotland then, scary. Hmm

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 26/10/2016 17:38

and max-win social problem-solving. of cpurse max-lose people will throw bricks at the witch.

Hmm
OurBlanche · 26/10/2016 18:02

Wha?

Alternative universe arrived when I wasn't looking!

team work and max-win social problem-solving sounds like something my last teaching colleague would say. He meant "Give me what I asked for bitch, or I'll tell everyone you are so scared of my genius you are trying to make me fail by not telling me anything at all"

It worked until I got promoted... then everyone else realised that he really did just string impressive sounding words together, they made no sense but he wasted a hell of a lot of everyone's time whilst he said it all.

Much like scaryclown's posts, I think!

GruochMacAlpin · 26/10/2016 18:03

Scary you're sort of embarrassing yourself here. I and no doubt lots of other MNers know what nationality Expat is, she's posted on the subject a number of times over the years.

Although why it should be relevant if she had been English, Irish or Welsh I have no idea. Unless it was just garden variety racism of course.

You are also projecting heavily on your comments about the flat mate being a "facestepper" and a "bully". I presume you've read a book or done a course on "max-win social problem solving" Grin but it's not relevant here.

You don't know the background to the report. You don't even know what the subject of the report was, because I think it's reasonably apparent that the OP hasn't been given a completely full picture by her DD (Apologies Velvet)

It sounds Scary like you've had issues with bullying in your work place but really you are projecting.

The University will have done a full investigation prior to suspending the OP's DD. They haven't thrown her out on the basis of a single complaint. I suspect that the flat mate who submitted the report has had rather a lot to put up with.

Students pay huge fees these days. Personally if I was going into debt or costing my parents tens of thousands of pounds for my course I wouldn't be prepared to put up with antisocial behaviour in my living space either. That wouldn't make me a bully, it would just mean I was serious about my safety and my studies.

TallulahTheTiger · 26/10/2016 18:08

(Muttering to self do not get sucked in, do not get sucked in...) jog on 'scaryclown' what the chuff does that have to do with anything where expat is from! And thats from a Scot in Scotland- it's the childish behaviour of the DD that is in the wrong here!

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/10/2016 18:19

scaryclown

I know many people like you, your "max win" scenario involves you getting your own way and throwing other to the lions.

You I suspect are the worst kind of bully, you spend all of your time singing the praises of "team work" to management, then push those that have annoyed you out of the door by complaining to management about what you asked them to do.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 26/10/2016 18:20

Well, that escalated quickly

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 18:22

And a bigot, too. Lovely. Hmm

lazymum99 · 26/10/2016 18:26

Universities have strict rules and procedures before suspension takes place. They will have had a number of complaints from within and/or outside the university. OP DD's will have been contacted by her pastoral tutor and eventually will be called before a panel where a decision will be made about whether she can continue. I don't think they take this lightly. They also lose 2 terms fees if she does not continue the year.
I think there must have been a few complaints about her behaviour rather than one incident.

2kids2dogsnosense · 26/10/2016 18:31

I note that you arent capable of using your own personal authority to manage situations, you need an 'other' to do the difficult bit. That's not maturity

Scary What a stupid comment!

Sometimes you have to get an "other" - that's why we have the police etc - so that we aren't forced either to "put up and shut up" or take the law into our own hands (probably wen we just can't take a moment more) and beat the offender to death with a broom!

Four strange men were in the flat - what if one of the girls (and that includes OP's DD) was raped? What if some drunken idiot lit up a cigarette and set the place alight? What if (no so dangerous, but very nasty) they had vomited/pee'd or shat all over the place? - often happens when people - esp. lads - have had too much to drink.

We don't know that this was the first time - TBH, I'd be surprised if it was. But it was bad enough with theft and damage and disturbing the neighbours - why should any flatmate put up with it?

TheFairyCaravan · 26/10/2016 18:41

medicine is a team game, so her flatmate is showing the wrong characteristics.

Who said the flatmate was also studying nursing, medicine or something of that ilk? DS2 had an English student and 2 Psychology students in his flat last year.

PikachuSayBoo · 26/10/2016 19:11

Medicine is about putting the patient first. If that means whistle blowing on a colleague who has done something wrong then so be it.

lougle · 26/10/2016 19:31

"medicine is a team game, so her flatmate is showing the wrong characteristics."

Yup....read the Francis Report and tell me how well that works out. We don't need people who will back their mates up when they do wrong in healthcare. We need people with the integrity to do the right thing whether it makes them popular or not. Now I'm not saying that the girl who reported necessarily had the purest of motives, but if the OP's DD hadn't been in the wrong, she couldn't have been reported.

I work in healthcare. I play the team game. But my patients come first, second third and every place til last, no matter how popular or otherwise that makes me.

scaryclown · 26/10/2016 19:55

Its nice that you feel able to boast about your attitude to patients. Thanks for that.

I hope the OPs daughter lives somewhere better soon, and completes her degree.

I hope she doesnt have her degree ruined because she has friends round.

I hope Karma bites the miserable holier tgan thou flatmate right on her arse.Grin