Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

What's wrong with my son?!

148 replies

Lifeisshort123 · 24/09/2016 16:17

My 17yr old son just punched my 14yr old daughters boyfriend!
He won't say why and has bursted into tears and trust me he never cries. They are both close and probably to close but surely this isn't normal. It's all been kicking of this afternoon, she's refusing to talk to anyone and he's in pieces. Surely this isn't normal behaviour?
I honestly don't know what to do with them.
Any advice?x

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 19:50

You don't know if she'd have sent them? DSD didn't, despite him piling on the pressure.

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 19:51

I agree with Pont. this kind of thing happens a lot.
Perhaps remind his parents of that?

Rachcakes · 24/09/2016 19:52

Sounds like a big brother looking out for his little sister to me. I'd be quite glad of that.

Words about possible consequences of hitting people wouldn't go amiss, but I wouldn't punish my son for that. Not if he's a decent kid in general.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 24/09/2016 19:52

Little shit deserved a smack in the gob. What kind of 14 year old boy spouts off like that about a girl to the girl's brother!!

Don't be embarrassed OP, you should be proud of him. And don't let the boys mum guilt trip you into any more apologies, tell her he's banned from your house.

This has given me the rage and I'm usually too easy going and mild mannered!

Twogoats · 24/09/2016 19:55

Sorry, op. This sounds very stressful!

Have a cup of tea and some time to think. Maybe leave it til the morning?

I would text The bf's mum though and check he's okay.

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 19:56

" check he's okay. "

he got a smack in the chops and it sounds like he deserved it.
I bet he is the school bully type with blow dried hair, they always are.

pontificationcentral · 24/09/2016 20:01

To be absolutely clear - I HAVE a 14yo ds. If he had been smacked by his girlfriend's 17yo brother for trying to pressure her into sending him naked selfies, I would rip him a new one and make HIM call his girlfriend's mother and apologise. And I would be calling her parents and apologizing for his behaviour as well.

And he would be grounded for the rest of his life. Or at least until he matured enough to understand why he got punched.

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 20:03

Check he's ok my arse! OP has apologised for her son hitting this kid, which is fair enough. After what he'd done I'd be banning the little perv from going within a million miles of my daughter, never mind toadying to his clearly stupid mother who needs to get her own house in order before sneering at anyone else's!

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 20:05

yes pont and instead of that he is back at his parents going boo hoo hoo and I bet they are enabling him to be a little abusive wuss, and making OP and her DH feel like their son was in the wrong.
There is nothing wrong with the occasional punch, if it is deserved, it is what people do. As long as one person is not doing it over and over.

Original poster

Lifeisshort123 · 24/09/2016 20:05

I think we may need to do a house ban for a little while..

OP posts:

pontificationcentral · 24/09/2016 20:07

And if it was my dd in this scenario, I would apologise to her shitbag boy friend's parents for the punch, but let them know that I am concerned about their ds's behaviour, and make it extremely clear that you do not appreciate him trying to coerce her into naked selfies, and that as the mature parties involved, you would appreciate if they could let him know that this is not an appropriate way to behave, and could they discuss with him the ramifications of having naked pictures of his girlfriends on his phone, as well as sending naked pictures of himself to others. Please and thank you. And that you will be considering whether to discuss this with the school so that they can be on the alert for circulating images distributed by their son, as well as reminding the wider year group that this is not a wise way to proceed.
You know that girls have committed suicide over this type of shenanigans, right?

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 20:09

" You know that girls have committed suicide over this type of shenanigans, right? "
and boys. although it is more often girls.
Actually I think I am not alone when I feel myself getting all riled up on your children's behalf OP, the more I think about it.
How fucking dare he?
Pont speaks sense.

pontificationcentral · 24/09/2016 20:10

I actually have no idea why you are not hopping mad over this boyfriend's behaviour, op. Nor why you are taking shit from his enabling parents.

Grow a pair and stick up for your dd in the same way your ds did.

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 20:11

Life you've had a horrible day, first the punch, the snotty mother and then the horrible realisation of what he was trying to do to your daughter. Take time to decide what you feel is best, take useful advice from here and forget the rest of it, but most of all remember that your daughter didn't send the photos, your son defended his sister and told the truth about what happened and why. They sound like good kids to me, take a bit of comfort in that.

pontificationcentral · 24/09/2016 20:11

Finola1step · 24/09/2016 20:15

I'm looking at my 8 year old ds and 5 year old dd. They are very close despite arguing like cat and dog at times. If some little Herbert, in 9 years time, tries what this lad said, I think my ds would react the same as yours.

Yes, he shouldn't have hit him. He could be charged but that little shit deserves a strong word re grooming.

Finola1step · 24/09/2016 20:17

Oh and if he can say that to his gf's own brother, what on earth is he saying to his mates?

Mycraneisfixed · 24/09/2016 20:21

I think I'd punch the bf too is I was your DS. How do you want your DS to react in the future if something like this happens again?
Your DS needs your support and a good talking to but don't overdo the whole punishment thing.

youcantgoback · 24/09/2016 20:43

How stressful for you, but your DS must have been so instantly outraged by the BF and rightly so. It must have been a gut reaction and how could the BF even think he could get away with saying this to him? In time your DD will realise how lucky she is to have a brother that instinctively protects her from scumbags!
She would have felt much worse if BF had pics of her she wished she never sent (not that she necessarily would have). I would be so ashamed if I were BF's parents. Your DS may have saved many girls from being pressured by this silly boy and hopefully he's learned a valuable lesson.

Shockers · 24/09/2016 20:45

Sit down all together and, in turn, safely voice your concerns and opinions. It's too valuable an opportunity to miss, and will strengthen trust between you all.

Then ditch the punishments if you think you've got somewhere.

Original poster

Lifeisshort123 · 24/09/2016 21:03

Thank you, they are both good kids.x

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 21:15

With a good Mum!

cdtaylornats · 24/09/2016 22:12

Three possibilities - he found out they had sex, the boy wanted to have sex, or the BF had sex with someone else.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread