What's wrong with my son?!

[Lifeisshort123]

My 17yr old son just punched my 14yr old daughters boyfriend!
He won't say why and has bursted into tears and trust me he never cries. They are both close and probably to close but surely this isn't normal. It's all been kicking of this afternoon, she's refusing to talk to anyone and he's in pieces. Surely this isn't normal behaviour?
I honestly don't know what to do with them.
Any advice?x

OP, personally I would explain to your son that you are highly concerned that after 5 mins he can lash out. State it is so out of character you understand he must have been provoked but that he must explain himself. That is not behaviour to allow to happen without explanation. He needs to sit calmly and explain and be brutally honest.

Secondly your daughter also needs to give her version of events. Was she present? I expect she was.
She is prob highly embarrassed and now thinks she'll be dumped cos of what her bro has done. She'll get over the it.

Then once you have the facts, you need to speak to the bf and his mum.

It's sad I think.

Try and remain calm. Don't interrupt and let them speak. That's really hard to do but shows you want to listen.

I hope you get to the root of this. Good luck xx

Should add, have four teens under this roof - 13,14,16,17. Can't envisage anything else that would incite punching. They are all mild mannered Goody two-shoes.

She was present yes. I think I'll apporach him very soon and try to get the details. My DD has spoken to me and your right she does seem to think she will now be dumped because of her brother.

If your DD is also refusing to talk, I'd bet money that something sexual has happened (or it was hinted that it was going to) and your DS couldn't cope with that thought.

Thank you x

I really don't know, I hope not.

I also think this is about something sexual.

But what your DS did was very wrong and the other family have every right to press charges. He needs a punishment and you need to get to the bottom of what actually happened here. Difficult as that may be.

When trying to get to the bottom of it, make sure your son knows the seriousness of the situation. Perhaps police getting involved , charges of assault and no chance of working / volunteering with children in the future. I'd be raging if a 17-year old punched my 14 year old.

Flip side being if 15 year old boy had made sexual comments/advances to my 14 year old daughter I'd be raging.

I've just spoken to DS, I'm going to phone DD'd boyfriend'd mum now,

I'm so nervous.

Hope you're ok OP.

Fwiw I think you're handling this in the best possible way.

Why?

What did DS say?

I really hope they let him of, but I know he was so wrong to react like that.

Hopefully they'll want to talk things out with you and get to the bottom of everything. There's no way their son is an innocent in this, I think they need to recognise that too.

We are here to support you OP, it is a really difficult situation , in view of the age difference. however 17 is still considered a child in a legal sense so try not to worry too much. xx.

Hang on a minute, the OP's child punched a boy three years younger than him and people are saying the younger boy clearly can't be innocent? Really? . The fact here is the fourteen year old is still a minor, the seventeen year old is much older and should be responsible, and there is no justification for a seventeen year old to punch a fourteen year old.

As for "DD thinks she will be dumped," well, if my son were the boyfriend he wouldn't be going there again.

the 17 year old is still a minor FYI.
There could be as little as 14 months between them.
Not 'much older', really is it?

Hang on a minute, the OP's child punched a boy three years younger than him and people are saying the younger boy clearly can't be innocent? Really?

Exactly what I was thinking. Ofc he could be innocent.

He's not 14 he's 15, if you read OPs other posts her DS has already raised concerns that he's too mature for her DD, so let's not pretend this was a big burly man attacking a small boy. Nobody is saying it's ok that her DS hit this boy, but the fact that people are making her feel like shit because he did while assuming her daughter is sleeping with this boy is really awful. I just think the other boy's parents should be open to discussion before any judgements are reached.

14 and 17? I thought the op said he was 14.

There's a huge difference between 14 and 17.

So what did your DS say OP?