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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What's wrong with my son?!

148 replies

Lifeisshort123 · 24/09/2016 16:17

My 17yr old son just punched my 14yr old daughters boyfriend!
He won't say why and has bursted into tears and trust me he never cries. They are both close and probably to close but surely this isn't normal. It's all been kicking of this afternoon, she's refusing to talk to anyone and he's in pieces. Surely this isn't normal behaviour?
I honestly don't know what to do with them.
Any advice?x

OP posts:

ClashCityRocker · 24/09/2016 18:33

Sorry life I wasn't implying you weren't going to punish him or that he should face charges - I was musing that it was a good thing he would be treated as a minor and that these one off incidents should be left to be punished at home, rather than the police.

Original poster

Lifeisshort123 · 24/09/2016 18:42

Thankfully he is still a minor. It was just my misunderstanding, no need to appologize.

OP posts:

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 24/09/2016 18:47

It might be an idea to speak to your dd about sending any naked pics to her boyfriend. Girls are put under pressure to do this sexting nowadays or be 'dumped'. Once a picture is uploaded or sent, it can used against her and can't be deleted.

It's not easy being a parent to teenagers .

Itrytoohard · 24/09/2016 18:48

Well, as much as I would prefer my 14 year old wasn't having sex, I would much rather that than them assaulting people.

Well I'd much rather a one off loss of temper which can be worked through and sorted out that my vulnerable 14 year old getting in way over their head physically and emotionally. Honestly, you'd rather they were having sex than a one off punch? Wow.

As much as I would rather 14 year olds weren't having sex I think I have to agree I'd take that over hitting people. My now 18 year old son starting having sex with his girlfriend, who he is still with now, when he had barely turned 15. Ofc I was upset at first but it wasn't the end of the world.

Everyone's teens are different though. I feel all my 4 are well prepared and aren't particularly vulnerable in their relationships but I suppose if I hadn't had always been open about things with them they could be.

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 18:50

Maybe I'm coming at it from a very biased perspective, we discovered that my DSD 13 was being pressured into sending "photos" by a boy at school. We went batshit crazy and to be honest if her dad had been standing there when it had been discovered he'd probably have been tempted to crack the little shit.

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 18:53

parenting teens = fun, fun, fun

Smrendell · 24/09/2016 18:55

How is it that everyone is ok with suggesting two young teenagers ar having sex, but outraged at one punch?

Well, as much as I would prefer my 14 year old wasn't having sex, I would much rather that than them assaulting people.

As much as I would rather 14 year olds weren't having sex I think I have to agree I'd take that over hitting people.

As much as no one want to think about 14 year olds having sex it is a very real thing that is happening. IME no one makes it to 16 with out having sex anymore.

And look at it this way, a 15 and 14 year old having consensual sex won't get punished for it. If the 15 year old and his parents decided to go to the police the OPs son could have a criminal record. Yes it would most likely only be for 5 years but by the time it's gone he'll be 22 and unable to find work.

Omgkitties · 24/09/2016 18:57

And look at it this way, a 15 and 14 year old having consensual sex won't get punished for it.

So that means it's okay?

I don't have kids yet, let alone teens, but I think I'd much rather one of them lose their temper one time than find out my 14 year old DD was having sex.

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 18:58

Omgkitties exactly my point!

ClashCityRocker · 24/09/2016 19:00

It sounds like he's pressuring her to send naked pictures if I've read it right.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of teenage sex, I suspect it would be a blessing if he does dump your daughter because of this.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/09/2016 19:01

It would take a cold hearted jury to convict a lad for punching a kid for trying to talk his 14 year old sister into sending him sexual photos.

To be honest if it were my lad I wouldn't even punish him. I'd have a serious talk about consequences and other ways of making your point. But I wouldn't punish him for being righteously angry and not knowing how to deal with it.

Smrendell · 24/09/2016 19:08

It would take a cold hearted jury to convict a lad for punching a kid for trying to talk his 14 year old sister into sending him sexual photos.

There would be no jury. It doesn't go to court.

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 19:09

I know you are just talking to get your point across Tinkly but there would be no jury. It would be dealt with by the madge.

Original poster

Lifeisshort123 · 24/09/2016 19:14

I think we have to just to let him know we won't except that type of behaviour but perhaps i won't punish him for the whole week.

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 19:16

Life fwiw I think it sounds reasonable. The fact your kids look out for each other and protect each other is a good thing, it shows they have a close bond.

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 19:17

I agree Lifeisshort. He has done wrong, and he cannot go around punching people that insult his sister's honour, but what he did is so understandable. I hope they are not mollycoddling the other boy either. Little shit.

Original poster

Lifeisshort123 · 24/09/2016 19:17

He's her first boyfriend though and she would be gutted. He isn't as innocent as I thought he was. DH is furious at my DS but mainly the other boy.

OP posts:

CousinCharlotte · 24/09/2016 19:24

Not condoning the punch, but your ds sounds like a good judge of character. Your ds may be concerned that dds bf is trying to coerce her into sending inappropriate photos of herself and isn't treating her with respect.

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 19:28

To be fair I was raging at the little shit that pressured DSD, she's vulnerable for many reasons, and his mum put it down to high jinks I was more pissed off at her reaction to be honest.

Mybugslife · 24/09/2016 19:29

I have 3 older brothers and they are very protective of me, bf's when I was in my teens got a hard time with all of them. I've never seen them the way they were with some of the bf's I had...it was always when they thought that they weren't treating me right.

Maybe he made a comment about your dd or said something to her that your ds didn't like?

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 24/09/2016 19:38

He's almost 18. I wouldn't be 'taking his toys off of him'.

I'd want to know that he understood that no matter how wrong another person is, hitting them is not the answer (unless it's in self defence), especially more vulnerable people. This kid is still 14 (yes, nearly 15, but he's not yet), so almost three years younger and most likely a good bit smaller. Talk to him about what his other options were.

Shockers · 24/09/2016 19:39

The age of criminal responsibility is 10 in the UK. It could have gone to court, but it's unlikely, given that in order to press charges, the other boy's parents would know that what their son was up to would also be disclosed.

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 19:44

Their son could also have been charged with grooming.

pontificationcentral · 24/09/2016 19:47

Er, did you explain to the other mother that her 14yo darling wanted your dd to send him naked photos? And that you actually don't fancy your 14yo dd having much to do with her son any more?

I'm glad you are focusing on the 17yo thwarting him though. Clearly the other boy was merely an innocent. I would just be letting ds know that while I don't condone him punching the kid, I'm thankful he is looking out for his sister.

Some warped rationale going on here.

Presumably you will also be having a chat with dd to discuss predatorial 'boyfriends' who are trying to persuade her to exchange child porn by phone? And will also be suggesting that the phones disappear rapidly if that happens, and that it might be a good idea to consider whether this 'boyfriend' is actually the right one?

pontificationcentral · 24/09/2016 19:48

Thank god your ds stepped in. Next thing, you'd have naked pictures of your 14yo dd being sent to all his mates for bragging rights.

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