Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread 2

[Peebles1]

Trying to create a new thread as we're almost full on the original one. Think we all agree the last thread was a huge support, and big thanks to Ledkr for starting it.

Let's continue to support and be kind to each other on here - all those going through challenging times with teens!

Grrrrrr. Dd driving me nuts. Trying to not let it get to me but she is just soooooo lazy! Currently at 6th form but applying for apprenticeships (not ones that she thinks will involve too much hard work !!!).
Wtf. Knowing her as I do, I wouldn't give her a job but I hope she has a different attitude in the workplace. Rant over.

sultans I agree. I'm so thrilled when we have a harmonious day that I'll occasionally splurge it on facebook. I tell myself others do the same!!

Can I join please? I have a DS (16) and DD (11).
To be fair, DS isn't a bad lad at all - did really well in his GCSEs etc - but the mood swings really rile me!
I know that I shouldn't take the things he says personally but I do. I'm only human.

After a pretty horrendous outburst at the weekend which ended up in him going out in tears (very unlike him) saying there's something wrong with him because he gets so angry and he doesn't know why, I looked online for some 'help' and stumbled across some website that says that vitamin deficiencies can cause mood swings and anxiety etc.

So I've bought him some Suisse teenage boy vitamins bloody expensive so he'd better take them.

His diet is typically pretty dire (apart from the food I prepare) and trying to get him to drink is a challenge in itself!

Has anybody tried vitamins with their teenagers and does it help?

Anyone????

He's just come home from being pretty much out all day (and yesterday) and at my neice's fiance's this evening playing FIFA and started his usual bolshy shit at gone midnight when he strolled in. (Had ignored my text and call asking where he was).

Why???? Becsuse I asked him why he hadn't kept me informed re time he was coming home because he knew I was waiting up for him (he didn't take his fricking key) and he wasn't replying to my text and phone call!!!!

I've ruined his night apparently. Doesn't matter that I fancied going to bed early and he ruined mine - oh no.

Fricking selfish fuckwit.
(Sorry. Just better to write it here rather than shouting it to him) 😢

How's it going rainbow?. Its frustrating isn't it? I frequently feel like screaming and shouting at dd17 although things are not as bad as they used to be. I'm trying to walk away and tell myself its not worth upsetting myself and that helps. Sometimes! And it could be worse.

Rainbow your DS sounds like mine. I'm glad for this thread, it seems everyone I know in real life has helpful, enthusiastic 16 year old boys. The worst thing is I am trying to feel proud of my son, but he is giving me nothing to feel proud of! He is lazy, aggressive, rude, careless and cruel. I feel like a completely shit mother - how can I have such a downer on my own son?

Rainbow and Wordsmith I have 2 DS, 1 x 18 & 1x 14. The 18 year old is placid, gentle, caring and v untidy in his own room. He's a gentle soul, a bit lazy, but does have a Saturday job washing up in a local cafè. He's doing an A level resit year and hopes to go to university in September. My 14 year old has turned into a seething bag of anger and aggressive hormones.
He shouts, argues, has dented his newly decorated bedroom wall I hate FIFA 15, 16 & 17 He leaves his stuff all over the house, will wash his own plate if nagged, but nobody else's. He doesn't care if he makes me or DH late in a morning, his hair has to be washed and blow dried. His clothes demands outstrip the rest of the family put together. We spend most of our free time ferrying him round, (no buses, we're rural). It's his shouting and really hurtful comments that are the worst. My lovely boy has turned into this aggressive teen that really isn't nice to know.
I don't have any answers, I just needed to share.

all round.
I feel terrible. I just smacked 14 yo DS leg in the car. He was being vile and aggressive and I lost it. It's totally unacceptable and I've nowhere to get any support.

I've only read the last couple of pages of this thread - commiserations to all.

I'd like to join in for support as to what on earth to do with DS1 who is 17. In many aspects, he's doing fine, in that he has a part time job (every other weeekend and holidays) and is polite and respectful, helping out at home with his younger siblings.

But, he is purposefully scuppering his own chances education-wise. He is bright, but hates doing written work of any description. He managed to get 6 GCSEs and started A levels at a new school - his choice. Got as far as half term and the school told us that unless he seriously started working and developed a a work ethic he would be better suited to a different course.

He started a BTEC in Animal Management at a local college- his choice completely. He likes the classes and practical sessions etc. but is already behind on 8 pieces of work (that he's told me about). He does no work at home.

I came on this thread for support, as I know they will most likely chuck him off the course at the end of the year (or possibly sooner). Trying to 'make him' do work by withdrawing privileges etc like threats or bribes don't work. Believe me, I have tried lots of different things over the last 6 years and it doesn't work. He did literally no revision at all for his GCSEs.

He has been assessed by an educational psychologist as being on autistic spectrum - and he is a loner. I want to help him progress, but am guessing just to wait it out??

All I wish for him to have is independence and to be relatively happy.

Shirley similar story here. Dd is very intelligent but lazy and doesn't study. Sailed through GCSEs with minimal work and is now in 2nd year of 6th form but is applying for apprenticeships and will leave as soon as she gets a job. Its so frustrating to see so much potential but they can't be bothered to put the work in.
I feel there is little I can do as I can't force her to study if her heart is not in it so if she wants to join the real world and get a job then its her decision. I hope it all turns out OK and she doesn't regret this but she won't listen to me.

Yes I'm here. I don't even like ds1(12) very much ATM. He's so nasty to me.
Never appreciates I run him all over the place, to a party I got the kid about the day before, buying a girl a secret santa pineapple lipsalve!!
He's so rude, nasty, doesn't want to spend any time with dh and I.
It makes the family atmosphere horrible. Dh and I hate it. Hate living in it.
We realise teenagers are often recluses who live in their bedrooms. But worry that parents suddenly turn round years later, and find that there literally is no relationship at all left, between mum and dc/dad and dc?
Or are we thinking that un-necessarily?

Smash smash smash, I don't know how to parent this but hate feeling scared in my own home. Sigh.

Am pleased it isn't only me. Mine is 16 and full of bile. Tells lies, is rude, shouts, screams and slams doors. Doesn't work hard at school. Is very very very impulsive and makes bad decisions. I think there is a good heart in there somewhere its just hidden behind layers and layers of make-up and attitude. Afraid I've lost the plot today and ranted and ranted. I've probably been an unhelpful and useless parent. I certainly have not role modelled calm problem solving. Some days I just want to explode!

Polly - I am doing the exploding thing, need to curb it big time. Don't know what to advise........ Ds (14) is being an absolute spoilt little shit, and I have just got off the phone to my mother where I have seriously just suggested that I am gonna send his new Xbox back and buy him a cheap £30 phone instead. (He has broken his iPhone and is currently phoneless). He had a joint birthday/Christmas present already, but I caved and brought the Xbox jointly with my mum for him.

I don't know how to parent a teenager, I am on my own with a toddler too and have reached the end of knowing what to do. He confided in my ex (not his dad) what he has been getting up too (potentially very dangerous) but I can't let on that ex has told me. His own "father" hasn't been in contact for over 4 years so is no use to me ( for the 5 years previous to that it was once a year, then 3 years previous to that it was about 4 times a year, and 3 years previous to that he didn't even know what his dob was as he did a runner when I was pregnant and it took me 3 years to track him down!)

Feel my lovely child has gone off the rails into a horrid delinquent ............. Don't know what the hell to do and it really has dampened my Xmas spirit

Thingywhatsit that sounds very tough. My heart goes out to you. Today I tried writing down my feelings and expectations and gave them to her. We've had a slightly better day. It is heartbreaking and very frustrating when you can see them failing and they won't listen.

I am losing the will to live here! Am trying to tidy the house in preparation for Xmas and all the family descending to mine (oh I can hear the moans about my sofas being uncomfy already) but I'm just getting moans cos I "got in the way of the tv", or I've asked for him to take a pile of his shit that belongs in his bedroom (which is tidy as I spent 2 hours in there the other day) ....... You'd think I'd asked him to climb kilamjaro!

I posted here over the last year about my ds who was very aggressive when he was living at home .He is now at uni and homelife is so relaxed and peaceful - pure bliss!
We have had a small amount of contact since he went to uni which has been non-aggressive and he seems a lot more balanced.
I am very tense and anxious about having him home for Christmas and not sleeping at all well. I have forgiven but I cannot forget the violence and verbal abuse.
Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with the anxiety? I guess it is also shame that I am not overly keen on actually spending much time with him. I feel very guarded around him and don't feel I will relax when he is here. I want things to be ok again but am tying myself up in knots with the anxiety.
Any advice gratefully received.

DS1 is not speaking to any of us at the moment, expecting a thaw on Christmas Eve. He is awful but the rows are over nothing. I know the hormones are raging but he is rewriting history and starting to believe his own lies. Determined to let him stew this time and have a good time around him but it is hard waiting for the next round of verbal abuse.

I am at the end of my tether. I have just had another character assassination from dds 18 and 16. I hate my life with a vengeance.

When these events happen, I am so alone. I feel so disconnected from them. In my desperation to protect my relationship with them I feel like I'm actually losing them.

They say in their teenage chaotic thinking that I am to blame for everything and where I feel most vulnerable is that their father says the same. Can I really be that awful? That blinkered about my failings.

I know this is a low point. I know I am feeling very sorry for myself however there is only do much abuse a person can tolerate before they snap.

I refuse to engage when it is personal as I learnt the hard way that DS will say anything in the heat of the moment with no filter., I tell DS that I will not be verbally abused in my own home. Hope it is better for you tomorrow harvest.

Thanks Blue.