Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread 2

[Peebles1]

Trying to create a new thread as we're almost full on the original one. Think we all agree the last thread was a huge support, and big thanks to Ledkr for starting it.

Let's continue to support and be kind to each other on here - all those going through challenging times with teens!

But one day it will'be 'someone else's fault'. Will he reach for a broken glass again ? Sorry, I don't want to make you feel worse. You're doing what you can.

Footle - if (and probably when) someone else 'provokes' him, I hope he has either matured enough to deal with it or realises he needs help or at least anger management classes.

Jinsky that sounds so upsetting. Fingers crossed that he does mature and sort himself out once he goes away to uni. I'm sad for you .

I apologise in advance as I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I've just bumped into dd's boyfriend's mum (she is lovely btw) in town and I'm feeling a little bit jealous. She proceeded to tell me all about what they have planned for the weekend and bits about what they have been doing over the past few weeks. None of which I know anything about. Of course I laughed about how dd tells me nothing! Would have been nice to know, especially as I've been volunteered by dd to give them a lift on Sunday. She forgot to mention it to me apparently.
Dd is always at bf's house and thinks his parents are great, and no matter how often I try and encourage them to come here, they just don't. And that will be down to dd as to her I am obviously boring and embarrassing.
I'm sad that we haven't got the nice mother/ daughter relationship that everyone else around here seems to have and that is all over fucking Facebook.
Rant over

Well if its any consolation, dd17 is the same here. Thinks bf's family are great and spends little or no time with us.
I'm always asking if she wants to do something like shopping/ cinema/lunch or whatever and its always no. Always something else to do so I am inclined to just not bother asking any more. If she'd rather lie on her bed looking at social media for 5 hours rather than go shopping and be bought stuff then she's the one losing out.
The trick is not to take it all too personally but I find that a bit difficult sometimes.
And yes fucking Facebook! Full of bullshit.

Ooh thread 2! Lovely

Re: Uni, I remember 2 things.

1. It took me until xmas to settle (I was very shy, but at the same time desperate to leave my small home town)
2. I hated my DM as a teen (now seeing that from the other side!) but as soon as I moved out, our relationship totally changed. I would actually ring home (mainly to ask cooking questions) voluntarily. Having that distance/freedom really helped.

Bumper FB is the rose-tinted glasses of the internet, people only put up the good stuff

Anyway, things here are fine, for now jinx DD has settled back into school OK, and thanks to a set change, no longer has any classes with her ex. Something is bound to go wrong soon enough

Hi, I'm here for thread 2!
I pop in and out, but I find you all really helpful and you help to keep me sane and grounded.

DS(16) has mentioned going away on holiday over half term. Not a chance, I don't want to go on holiday with him, and I'm certainly not paying for him to sit somewhere lovely for him to be moody and see nothing but the screen of his phone. So basically, it's not going to happen.

He's been intermittently nicer since he drove me to run away and have a few days alone in a rented cottage. He knew it was down to his behaviour that I went because he apologised!

He's just started college on a course he's interested in, so that's a positive. But he gets Wednesdays off! I would like him to join in a bit with family life on a Wednesday, but he seems to see it as an excuse to lie in bed until mid afternoon. I did get cross with him, and yanked the quilt off him not my finest moment and an almighty row ensued. Not looking forward to the weekend or next Wednesday for that matter. I really don't know how to get him to.......do stuff!

I quite often think that I'm not cut out for motherhood.

Anyway, glad I have some company on this thread

I realise last time I posted on here about DD she was sad at uni. Next day she was 'less sad'. Nothing for 24 hours then had a nice convo where all was well. Loves her flat mates (not 'stuck up ' after all), all sticking together, going out, chilling in each other's rooms. Brilliant. 12 hours later - horrid ex-bf had phoned (he's been off the scene for weeks), still loves her, wants to see her - she said 'no' but was all sad about it. Next day fine again. 4 am - text - I've lost my purse in town out clubbing. Then - radio silence. No idea about the purse loss. I was looking forward to NO MORE DRAMA!!!!! Up down up down up down. She was a classic school refuser right till the end, so I worry she won't even go to lectures.

Detach .... Detach .... She's 18 now etc etc.

Oh peebles do we ever stop worrying? I doubt it. My eldest has me on an emotional rollercoaster too a lot of the time but I'm just thankful the screaming matches are no more.
So today I'm heartened to read teens on holiday are the same the world over, ungrateful little shits! And that phone smashing is endemic.
I've stayed strong and not given her any form of phone however she negotiated Ipad rights. TBH her lovely little brother was so upset by her upset over the loss of Snapchat he was trying to log her in on his phone to keep the peace. He's such a sweetheart but really doesn't get punishment he?! Apparently she was on a streak of 100 whatever the hell that means. I did explain I couldn't care less!
jinsky that sounds so horrible for you. I too feel its nerves but bravado won't allow him to admit this. I hope things calm down before he goes.
bumperstickers that's familiar too! I'm pleased my offspring are pleasant to be around but wish I heard more about it. On the other hand when DD is wittering on about how nice other mums are she does always say her friends all love me,which I like to think is her way of saying I'm ok but not admitting it

Oh can I join? Jinksy, you are not alone, my ds is very similar and has now left for uni - such a relief tbh. He smashed his phone (which I refused to replace, he can spend his own money) and was abusive and I'm glad to see the back of him.

Morning all! Just catching up with posts.
Well, we did a long round-trip with DD to Uni yesterday, nearly 3 hours away! Accommodation great, flatmates lovely, and she seems happy. (she was rolling her eyes when I was being chatty with other parents)

Hasn't really sunk in that she's gone yet. My friends who's DCs have also gone this week, can't bear to go into their bedroom at home as it makes them so sad. I can't bear to go into DDs cos it's such a shit tip and needs gutting!

But, it doesn't really help when well-meaning people say "well, I expect you'll be relieved she's away now, after what you've been through with her?"
Relief that she's gone doesn't compare with the fact that she's gone. Does that make sense?

Jinksy, I think you are right, time away to detach from each other will probably do a lot of good, but I so feel for you as doing so when there is tension is really not a nice feeling.

I have started to get that aggressive responsive attitude when I bring things up to my daughter because 'she knows already', 'I don't need to tell her', 'I've already told her X time', 'I don't need to go on and on about it', but then realised that when I do let her get on with it because clearly she is not stupid like I treat her, things don't happen. Finding the right middle is so difficult.

girlandboy, your post made me laugh, I'm glad it's not just me not feeling the warmth at the prospect of a coming holiday with my teenagers! All I hear from my friends is what a wonderful time they have with theirs, how they do everything together, get to spend quality time with them, how they go and visit historical buildings AND never make a fuss when they take pictures and post a zillion of them on Facebook. What I get is 'I don't want you to take a picture of us', then a force smile after I begged just short of promising a treat in exchange, and about 1 1/2 second to take that picture before they say I had my time, and then a threat that 'I better not post it on Facebook'!

3cats of course it makes sense. That's a little insensitive of them, but I'm sure they mean well. How are you feeling now she's gone? Have you heard from her?

Know what you mean about the shit tip bedroom. Still haven't tackled it. DS1 went back to uni this morning, so now all 3 are gone I'll do the mighty clean. But not today I'm chilling.

Swing if it makes you feel any better there are no decent photos of my DD between the ages of about 13 to 16, and I'm not even on bloody Facebook!

Also, we simply stopped going on holiday with them when she was about 13. Asked them if they were bothered, where would they like to go. Said no they weren't bothered, would rather go with either friends/boyfriends and their families, or on school trips abroad, and that was that! We had one last holiday together so that I knew it would be the last and not feel too sad. That was in 2012 coz I remember the Olympics being on, so DD would've been 14 and DSs older. DD spent most of it on her phone and ruined the one day out to a Medieval town with her whinging. I've never regretted it! We've got plenty of family holidays to look back on - why prolong the agony?!

Hello not posted on here for years. Don't know all acronyms so I'm sorry. 12 year old boy with ADD and anxiety issues , prob mental health too. Today I have got to stage where I think I need him to be looked after by someone else. He is ruining our lives inc 9yo bro. He screams the house and 2 streets down inc adjacent for around 5 hours per we. Inc that I'm a bitch, and that we're gay at top voice with violence. This is also becoming physical towards me. I am only just stronger than him, he's 5'6". We can't make him go out for anything, which means we can't go anywhere and we can't make him come home. The only way to stop the violence and screaming is to not make him do ANYTHING. He is special needs. He has strong learning difficulties and has failed at school with our strict attitudes. Now he is really failing. Today he quit his football tea. The last bastion of his role model, good influence coach. The place where he had great skills and was rewarded for it. I have a choice, give up and allow him to become a total loser, or keep pushing and have social services turn up when the neighbours finally call the police. He is clearly going through a massive hormone surge very early.

Allstart that sounds exhausting and you sound drained. My DD1 was the same but TBH I didn't even think about any sort of diagnosis and wouldn't have a clue where to start but at 22 she's finally a lot better albeit on a very short fuse!
Hoping someone comes along with actual advice all I can offer is sympathy/empathy!

Allstart that sounds incredibly draining and very unfair on the rest of the family. Are you able to access any respite or help with him to allow you to have some time out with your husband or the rest of your family too?
I've got no experience of learning difficulties so have no constructive advice I'm afraid.

Does he behave in the same way with his Dad?

arrrrgggghhhh I am well cheesed off.
DD wanted X item (very particular on the details, too expensive) for her birthday.
We got it.
Now she doesn't want that colour.
Kicking off because ... everything, really, wrong colour, we "don't listen", don't show we love her, she has too much school stress, etc. etc.
She's over ambitious & stupidly anxious for no reason at all. I don't care what she says, the anxious act is partly attention seeking.

I am.. going to breathe. And try to make her talk to me tomorrow when she's calm. I may even have to coax & chivvy her into talking repeatedly (when my other kids deserve my attention). Rather than prepare for the routine 10pm crisis to erupt (a wide range of options available). FFS.

Can I join in please as I could do with some support. I'll be back later but I need to kick his hungover/post weed moody self out to get the bus.

Yes Old Trout that sounds exhausting. Tbh if my dd had thrown an ungrateful strop like that over it being the "wrong" colour, I'd have returned the item, got my refund and she'd have gone without.
My dd plays up being "anxious" as an excuse when in real anxiety making situations she is collected and confident. It's annoying and frustrating and seemingly turned on and off at will. I have taken to ignoring it for the most part, repeating myself ad nauseum "that sounds very ....... (Inset word of choice), if you'd like to talk about it I'm hear to listen but if you want to be foul tempered please take yourself off to your room". I think my ambivalence annoys her even more!

Can I come in please? I need some diversion from this thing. My 15 year old is not a bad kid and I shouldn't moan, but OMG...she's driving me nuts. After a struggle with mental health aged around 13, I started to take her to see bands. Fast Forward two years and she is moody in an age appropriate way. She struggles with anxiety, so we don't put pressure on about school, but it's getting to the stage where sixth form is being raised and we can't mention it. Ever. Or we're just pressuring her. That's my back issue.

The worst thing at the moment is my health has been a bit up and down lately. I'm am older mum and can't keep up like I used to. She's really being unsupportive when I'm ill...like I took her to a gig on Saturday. Felt ill part way through. She made no allowances and still stayed after the end to meet the band, despite the fact that she knew I wasn't well. We rowed, she now has another gig on Wednesday and keeps asking if I'm better, so I can take her. She wants me to go because I take better pictures and that's all grand, but then she says, You need to be better because 'I don't want another gig spoiling'. The sense of entitlement is driving me nuts.

I know you'll say don't take her. Teach her a lesson. But half of me thinks this is just normal 15 year old stuff and we're lucky that we've avoided a lot of hassle with her. And half of me wants to stop taking her anywhere. Ever.

Tell me I'm unreasonable...or pat me on the back and tell me she's not being the most spoilt little brat God ever put breath into. Either way, I'll deal with it. Thank you.

Thank you DooWhop and Rumtopf, We've taken a look at the medication he's been taking for the past few months and it could well be that. Less than 10 in 100 children will exhibit aggressive, violent behaviour. He's physically too mature for his age and mentality. Has anybody had any experience with kids talking about masterbating? I have no idea how to deal with this but he's been shouting it around the house last night. He seems to thing it's a right of passage that his father and I should be proud of. Urrgh! I'm no prude, but I'm his mother! I don't want to be part of this. Help!

@Rumto: DD hasn't actually receivd the item yet. We failed to follow instructions b/c we got it 2nd hand not new (new was £80 outside our/her budget). So return not possible... but DD doesn't know we decided to get a 2nd hand one. We've been arguing for weeks about how we won't go so far outside the budget to get her new, or else she could find ways to earn the money & pay us back ("no way!" Spending money on her is how we are supposed to show we love her, only excuse would be if we had to choose between her new toy & the rent).

And she had a snit about the school shirts I tried to buy her. Mardy cow.

I need you lot!

Today's been ok but thats rare.

I need to sleep now back to offload soon.

Can I join. my only child DD 18, works 2 x 6 hour shifts a week and spends rest of the time doing sweet f.a. I've posted before about how she doesn't socialise apart from social media and never goes out and has no friends in RL.

On the odd occasion she has met up with FB friend (has never met them before in RL) once they have met they seem to drop her like a brick!

She has a hobby which she is good at but it is competative so she prefers to keep her distance from those doing the same thing.

I can remember what I was like at that age, always out, pubs, disco with bf's. She's never done any of that, and as for a bf no chance!

Wish I had shipped her off to Uni now (she had no intention of going).