My Dh wants to charge my DS £5.00 per day rent!!

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My DS is 19 he has 2 part time jobs -supermarket earns around £500 p/m the other is bar work which he is paid cash plus a few tips but isn't regular hours each week.

My DH (not his dad) says he should pay his way and wants to charge £5 per day. I'm all for him contributing but is this too much? My DS thinks it's an unfair amount and it's starting to cause arguments. Just wondered if anyone had any advice?

I think real life starts soon enough and want home to always be a break from that for my kids, in the same way as it is and was for me. I guess I'm assuming they will pack their bags and head off on their own steam as I and DH did so would feel very differently if they were lazing about at home doing a part time job and not aspiring to their own independence but at this point I can't imagine that happening. As I said time will tell! But I intend to raise motivated, educated and independent minded children, just will keep our home as somewhere they can use to save more for the future. I don't think there's a wrong answer in charging or not charging as long as you are making sure your children understand that they are expected to move on and make their own lives and stability as soon as possible after college.

usual they do if you have been relying on Child Benefit for them.

(Or after whatever training they do, not necessarily college).

as long as you are making sure your children understand that they are expected to move on and make their own lives and stability as soon as possible after college.

...you do realise this is not a universal cultural aspiration, yes?

I think £5 per day is a good starting point. When I was 17 I earned £35 a week on a training scheme and paid my parents £7 a week. They saved it for driving lessons, but it taught me that I had to pay my way. When I was earning £500 a month, they charged me £50 a month. They also saved this and it paid for my wedding (to my surprise).

I think anyone who is over 18 should pay their own way to whatever point their parents decide is necessary. It is great if some people want to and can afford to, subsidise their grown up children, but not everybody can afford to do that.

DC will have to get a Saturday job as soon as they are old enough, in order to pay for mobile phone or whatever.

and they are not paying towards the cost of the house itself, but paying towards the facilities that they use, food, water, electric, broadband, tv etc same as they would if they rented a room in a shared house.

It's another situation that is each to their own isn't it? Some can afford to subsidise, others can't, some can but want their adult children to learn the value of money and paying their own way. Everyone is different.

Yes Archery I do. But its the general aspiration of our family and my own frame of reference. I think all any of us want is happy independent children. There are many variations of how to achieve that. We all went to college and entered professions and travelled extensively. I hope my kids can be as happy and experience as much as I have.

IN many cultures it is expected that the child support the parents when they become adults.

The idea that parents should financially support their offspring for their whole life is a bizarre one.

Are the "never charge rent" people still financially supported by their parents?

What do you count as a "working adult" Dixie?

how can they be independant dolly if they dont have to live in the real world of paying rent and bills?

00100001 , no I've not been financially supported by my parent since I was 22 , if anything we provide financial support to our respective parents , for my part I am a pt carer for my mum .

My friend actually had to move to a smaller flat because once her DS left full time education, she lost all her tax credits as well as Child Benefit. This amounted to a considerable sum as she is a single parent working FT on minimum wage.

Her DS was working PT in a fast food place but refused point blank to give her any money. So she had absolutely no choice but to move to a 1 bed place without him, she literally could not pay her rent and feed herself otherwise. The DS moved into a house share with some friends from work.

It's all very well posters saying they would have their DC living with them with no contribution for ever and ever, life is a bit harder for some.

Once they complete their studies and get their first job they will be expected to move out and start their own lives. I can teach them independence in many ways and prepare them for it without taking rent money off them. Just because parents don't make you pay to stay at home doesn't mean children automatically think money will appear to pay their own rent/food/mortgage etc when the time comes.

I think £5 a day (£150 a month) is a fantastic deal. if he was a lodger he would be expected to pay at least £130 pw for room and board.

Yes, he is earning very little but he has no living expenses, it is fair and good for him to experience the realities of living costs. Many parents bail their children out so they don't struggle but in doing so they may be crippling them and making it more difficult for the children to become financially independent. If he was studying, I would understand, but since he is no longer a student, the better way to help him to become financially independent (you won't be around forever) is to let him provide for his own upkeep (honestly, nothing helped me more to stay focused in my studies than working PT for a full month in minimum wage and realising hos little I could afford with my hard earned cash).

And I do recognise that it's a luxury that my parents supported me financially till I moved out, and that we are in a position to do the same for our kids.

If my DS wants to carry on living with me after he's 18, he can pay what I'll lose in child benefit and tax credits. YANBU.

I pay £110 a month, it would be more but seeing as I buy my own food and top-up on electric and sometimes have to contribute to other bills and the rent- I would say that's reasonable!

If he was still a student then no I wouldn't take any money off of him. As he is my eldest this is still a learning curve and I want to teach him what it's like in the real world and that means money management now he has a wage coming in. I like the idea of the secret saving so will give this some thought. Thanks everyone

I just thought of this aspect as well, I have younger friends who never paid when they lived at home, and are so used to their parents bailing them out, that they blow their money on cars, clothes and holidays then run to their parents when they can't afford to pay the mortgage or rent. If they had paid board when they lived at home then that would have helped them to realise they have responsibilities.

Due to being a single parent I will never be in a position to pay for my DC to live at home once the CB and WTC stops. They will have to contribute at that point .

pinkunicorns , I'm sure that happens to people who have also paid their parents rent/ keep , that happens because they have not been taught money management and budgeting or are plain stupid . You do not need to take money off your children to teach those basic skills.

'No wonder we have so many kids who feel that the world owes them a living when parents spoon feed them and never ask them to pull their weight! '

And so many people on here wind up with partners who are fucking useless. Mum was plating up their dinners and washing their socks whilst they sat on the sofa.

'usual they do if you have been relying on Child Benefit for them.'

Or you have to claim HB/LHA. An adult who is not in FT education is deemed by the council as able to contribute to the rent. You lose the HB/LHA for them and their occupancy.

It's nice to be able to put up adults in FT work, but a lot of people really cannot afford it.

I know quite a few people who now have offspring well into adulthood living with them and paying nothing. They cost money to keep. And, as my mother said, why shouldn't they pay upkeep or rent? They'd be paying it to someone else if they weren't at home.

I'd charge £50/week, OP, and really, seriously, he needs to pull his own weight around the home.

I was fully supported through third level education and my summer jobs salaries were my own to keep. My parents looked after me really well and were very happy to have reached a point in their lives that the money was there when it had been so tight in my childhood. I was an excellent saver and when I left home was very very able to manage my bills and rent and savings which 10yrs later went into our first home as a deposit. All my close friends were the same in terms of not paying to live at home and without a single exception, are independent, responsible and very hardworking. And grateful to our parents. So my point is that not having to pay your own way in your childhood home doesn't necessarily lead to spoilt and entitled people.

£5 is a bargain. Adults have to find somewhere to live and pay their bills etc whether that's in the family home or elsewhere, and working adults need to pay their way.

I really don't understand why people keep asking why adults should pay to live in their own home? It's my home too, and my DH's and we have to contribute (obviously). My DD pays £80 per month (and no I'm not saving it for her, I will contribute to her moving out when/if it ever happens). When she recently had a pay rise she offered increased rent, which I didn't want.

OP I wanted to say I thought £5 per day was too high but when you said your DS doesn't help around the house/clean up after himself I changed my mind. My DD does help out and certainly washes up after herself etc.

Add up your bills (excluding rent/mortgage which would be the same if he was there or not), divide by the number of people in the house. That's roughly how much it is costing you to keep him. That's your starting point.

If you are well off / he's not earning much / he is definitely saving for a deposit, you might want to reduce the amount he pays. If you are properly wealthy and a soft touch you might not want to charge him at all. It's quite a useful exercise to work out exactly how much you are subsidising him though, even if you don't want to charge him that amount in the end.

Some people earlier in the thread were suggesting he should be able to contribute in other ways by doing housework etc. Don't most adults have to pay for stuff and clean their homes?