My Dh wants to charge my DS £5.00 per day rent!!

[Coffeecupempty]

My DS is 19 he has 2 part time jobs -supermarket earns around £500 p/m the other is bar work which he is paid cash plus a few tips but isn't regular hours each week.

My DH (not his dad) says he should pay his way and wants to charge £5 per day. I'm all for him contributing but is this too much? My DS thinks it's an unfair amount and it's starting to cause arguments. Just wondered if anyone had any advice?

What I have seen on here before that seems V sensible when kids are working is that they pay " keep" amounting to 1/3 wages , that they hand over 1/3 to a regular savings account and they spend 1/3.

Obv this depends on circumstances, if they are paying travel etc etc

On a £500 monthly income that's £166 rent ( so just under £6/day, very much at the level your DH suggests).

The other really lovely suggestion is that if parents can afford it they still charge the adult child ( after all how are they going to learn to budget to cope with their own housing etc) but secretly pop the money in a savings acct to hand back towards a house deposit when the child moves out.

BUT if said adult child feels it's " too much" let them just cost up their own rental place and see what they think!

I think paying rent and contributing to the household with chores builds good life skills.

If you don't need the money, still better to charge a small amount to teach budgeting skills and then surprise your DS with the lump saved up for a car/ moving out.

I absolutely 1000% disagree with charging children rent to live in their own homes.

hockey what posts are u reading am i missing somehitng?

he doesnt wash up his plates ad that makes him vulnerable-he quit a course he didnt go to war

WellErrr they are not children.

WellErrr why do you disagree with earning adults contributing to household expenses, just like all the other earning adults in the house? What is wrong with that?

I'm all for independence and don't think it's unreasonable to charge £5/day. But I will never charge my kids. I will also not accept them not working (or full time searching for work) but won't take any of their income in rent. I guess we'll see how that all goes! Both my DH and I were very very independent from a young age but with great family support in the background. Neither of us would have been charged rent ever.

Is your son saving up for a deposit for his own place? If so, I can understand him wanting to save as much as possible. It is so hard for young people to get on the property ladder these days.

If not, and he is just spending it willy nilly, then yes, he should be contributing something

wellerr so, if you had an adult child earning (let's say) £40k a year, at 38 years old, and they still lived at home with you, and you were 68 and retired on a pension. Would you still never charge them any money or expect them to financially contribute?

I absolutely 1000% disagree with charging children rent to live in their own home

1. 19 and not in edcuation is no longer a child
2. Whose home?
3. At what age would you patience and money run out? WOuld your 'children' still be living in 'theri home' free of all costs at say, age 30, 40 + ?

I have no idea whwn it became 'a thing'not to ask all working adults to contribute to running the family home. As far as I was aware once you stopped schooling and began working you contributed 1/3 of your take home pay into the family pot.

And no, I never once expected to get any of it back when I left home. Why would I? I was paying for my food, basic toiletries, use of gas, electric, water etc. And yes, I washed up, cleaned, etc. Again why wouldn't I? I had been doing 'chores' since I was about 5!

Then again, having had yet another depressing conversation with a friend and her 23 year old, it seems no 'child' wants to move out into the sort of 'hovel' I was excited to get out into. You know, a bedsit, room in a shared house/flat. No pushbike, no public transport... got to have a car and all the other trappings of adulthood... minus the living accommodation!

When did that happen? How do you all get rid of your 'kids'?

But, Dolly, why not? I would hope that my DS, when he is an earning adult, would be ashamed not to contribute to the household he lives in.

All these people saying they wouldn't "charge their kids rent" - either your home is their home or it isn't. If it's their home, they should, when adult, be charged with some of the responsibilities of maintaining it as their home, as their circumstances allow. If they don't get those responsibilities as well as the benefits, then you are treating them as temporary guests, which I personally think is a bit weird.

A lot of people on here must be very well off and not need to financial contribution.

I'm sure if you were struggling to make ends meet and your child benefit was cut off as there are now 3 adults and not 2 in the house, you would be thinking differently!

yy ourblanche young people's aspirations are artificially high. I speak to young adults nowadays and they all want to "buy a 2 bed flat" - not look at renting a room in a house share. Not even rent a one bed flat! ANd then they moan that "it's so hard to get ont he property ladder" well, of course it is when you're buying property designed for 2 adults and 1-2 kids on one young adult wage alone!

I don't think it's right that when teenagers are trying to earn a bit of money for themselves a large amount is then taken by the parents. I think they should be encouraged to work by enjoying having some money to spend. The maximum I would accept from your son would be £100 a month- maximum. And if it were me that money would be going into a savings account for him but if you need the money I'd put it towards bills.

It's not a large amount though is it?

I agree with the 1/3 that PP have mentioned. So yes, £35 per week is approximate to that.

By the way, why is DS only working so few hours? Has he been applying for FT work? If he isn't going to uni any more he should be working FT surely?

The principal of paying money when you start earning and have finished education is a pretty teeny step on the way to independence. Teenagers are not learning much if they are not taking on the much more significant aspects of being an adult, doing their laundry, shopping for themselves, budgeting, contributing to actual household bills. I think handing over money is fine but I really struggle to see the major independence anywhere in it tbh.

Hockey no that's not the case, Dh does has always liked him and supported him through tricky times he just doesn't agree with the some of things he does and his attitude at times. Quite a few times DS has been selfish and sometimes his attitude towards us both stinks and this hurts as we do everything for him. At the end of the we do believe he should contribute to household bills and all I asked was £5 a day too much.

archeryannie , that's an interesting take on it , but using your idea that all adults contribute because it's their home I assume when the parents sell that home they give all the adults that have contributed their share ?
Our DS is 23 , we don't take anything off him and have no plans to at anytime in the future , that's not to say he doesn't contribute to the household because he does . Fortunately we don't need to take money from our DC and have not lost anything financially from them becoming adults .

Bluebeck he is always applying for FT work for a 'proper' job but easier said than done. He doesn't like the supermarket job or the bar work but knows he hasn't got much choice. He says he wants to go back to uni once he figures out what he wants to do.

Totally agree usual , mine costs me way less now than when he was at school .

Yes Floral at least I haven't got to buy him a school uniform. I have 2 other DS with one going into sixth form and will need at least two suits going to cost me a fortune

Floralnomad my DS is welcome to live with me as long as he likes. If he lives here as an adult, both he and I will expect him to contribute according to his means. If he moves out, he will not contribute, obviously. Either way, when I die, he's getting my flat, to live in or sell as he pleases.

If I sold in the meantime, while I was still alive, and he'd been paying £35 quid a week, once the bills had been taken into account I don't think any would have been left over to contribute to my mortgage, so no, he would not get a slice of that, unless I wished to as a gift.

I think it depends on the young person's attitude. If they think they can work part time because they don't need more money than that, I'd charge them rent to make them realise they do need more than that.

If they've struggled to get work, are really helpful around the house, and are desperate to find full time work, then I'd discuss saving it instead.

However, who wants an entitled child? You go out to work and get knackered - who wants to come home to someone who's not contributing and who hasn't even washed up their own things? We'd call a partner who did that a cocklodger - it's not different if it's an adult child. They're taking advantage and it's wrong to allow that.

In your case, I'd speak to your son about his selfishness in leaving pots etc around. I'd say that he has to contribute and that if he worked more hours he'd have more money for spending. He seems to be too half-hearted at the moment. If he's planning to go back to university, he should also be saving for that.