My Dh wants to charge my DS £5.00 per day rent!!

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My DS is 19 he has 2 part time jobs -supermarket earns around £500 p/m the other is bar work which he is paid cash plus a few tips but isn't regular hours each week.

My DH (not his dad) says he should pay his way and wants to charge £5 per day. I'm all for him contributing but is this too much? My DS thinks it's an unfair amount and it's starting to cause arguments. Just wondered if anyone had any advice?

My mum used to charge me about that percentage. She put it into a Post Office account, and saved it for me. When I eventually moved out, she gave me it all!

It's not an obsession to charge someone who is earning. It is their contribution to the family dynamic. Why should he keep all his money & do nothing to contribute- financially or otherwise? (This question is to Floral)

OP - I think £35 pw is a very reasonable amount to ask.

I think £150 p/m is too much for someone earning £500. I think £100 is fair. He should contribute something.

I think charging them rent helps young adults to become independent, but I think the idea should have been phrased as coming from you.

I paid £25 13 years ago on £500 p/m wages so I think £35 is reasonable.
It's a matter of fairness I guess. If other 'children' in the household are expected to contribute once they're adults, that's more than reasonable IMO, but obviously if he had his own children who didn't pay, that isn't fair.

I think your DH is being more than reasonable. Your DS is an adult and is no longer in full-time education. £500 per month may not be a huge income but it's a very good disposable income for any young adult to have after paying for rent, food, utilities, etc. £5 per day is a very low amount to pay considering the amount he is earning.

It seems strange why you think in is perfectly reasonable for you and your DH to completely cover the living costs of your adult son in these cisumstances. Your DS certainly didn't have much incentive to finish college if he knew he could have a comfortable life living at home with all his bills paid by you and his stepfather and any money he earned in part-time work could be put toward for entertainment, etc.

toldmywrath totally agree. My dd wouldn't see me sitting there scrimping and saving to pay the bills while she is out with her friends, spending (well earned) money on nails, hair, make up etc.
Now she is in her own house she really understands the actual running costs and really appreciates how easy she had it on just £100pm keep!

On what he's earning it should be 50 quid a week. Let him moan or ask him if he's ready to move out.

How are they supposed to learn to budget and make their way in the world if they get their arses wiped at home as adults?

If you claim housing benefit, as soon as your child is out of education they expect him/her to contribute to the rent.
And I know someone still living at home with his parents at over 30, not paying any rent and yet, he treats the place like a hotel. At what age would charging rent be acceptable if you don't fancy charging now? And if you did give him a year or two rent free there would need to be an arrangement put in place if he's still there after that time frame.
If possible I wouldn't charge rent to someone still studying though, as courses are expensive, but that would depend on how much we'd need the money.

We wouldn't charge our teenagers rent. Seems very odd to me unless you are totally skint. It's their home.

toldmywrath , I don't think they shouldn't contribute and help out but IMo it makes more sense that they save so that at some point they will be able to afford to move out . Of course they should contribute to the running of the house by doing their share / doing some shopping etc .

Rather than looking at it as paying rent, I'd ask why would grown adults (as your son now is) expect other grown adults to feed and fund them?

£35 a week won't even cover his costs of food, electricity, heating and water. So if your son is difficult, I'd ask why, as an adult he expects other adults to fund him? It's not about paying your mortgage, or being charged to live there, it's about him paying his way.

My parents always expected us to contribute once we left full time education. I think it helps you to appreciate the costs of things, to budget etc. Interestingly, my DH was never charged rent. He thinks it did him no favours and he's the first to say that our children will be expected to pay once they leave full time education (though we will also do the secret save thing with part of the money too).

If he doesn't pay rent then how long would you be happy for him to have all his domestic expenses covered by you and your dh? Would you be happy to pay his way when he is 25? 35? 45? Forever?

I wouldn't classify it as "rent" but just as an expectation that any adult family member living in the family home, and who is earning money, needs to contribute towards expenses according to their means. It's the responsible thing to do.

The contribution your DH is expecting from your DS seems very reasonable indeed.

DD will be one of those getting A level results on Thursday and will go to university so I won't be charging her rent in the holidays, even if she does part-time work. If she had decided to work, I would definitely agree with her a reasonable amount per month - I would base it on her take-home pay. I can't see that saving this and presenting it to her when she leaves home would teach her anything, either.

The only issue here is that it seems to be obvious to your DS that the £5 a day suggestion has originated from your DH when ideally it would have been presented as a joint decision.

As soon as I left education and was still living at home I paid some money towards the home. Only paid £200 a month (10+ years ago) but also cooked the family meal a couple of times a week and helped with housework. £5 a month is nothing really, you won't find anywhere else for that.

I can't remember paying my mother rent when I was living at home but I know I was expected to make a contribution to the running of the household - I did lots of washing, ironing, shopping, cleaning and cooking.

£5 a day is reasonable, though.

I would advise that you do not frame this as DH thinks you should pay rent. And that you should frame it as YOUR decision and DH agrees with you.

ThroughThickAndThin it is their home, and they are an adult, which is why it's natural that they should contribute to their own home's running costs, like the other adults who live in it.

i dont get pp saying why would you charge your children rent to live in their home

so how long does that theory go on for-till theyre 40 or 50 maybe?

oh its ok they dont have to pay theyre my kids

If you had a student DS who needed family support in term time, then it would be a bit silly to take rent money with one hand and give with the other. Better to work out an annual financial plan.

However, in your case he's earning and living at home free of charge. £5 a day doesn't even cover his food, I'm sure.
18 really is a milestone birthday. He has the benefits and should really take on the responsibilities, too.

The issues with your DH may contribute to bad feelings, but in this case, he has a point.

I wouldn't class a 19 year old as a teenager. They are an adult.

At minimum wage your son is working about 70 hours a month at the Supermarket, easily leaving another 90 hours a month (based on 8 hour days) to do something else, or go full time. Bar work is presumably evening.

He sounds like he's got it pretty cushy to be honest; part time work, no outgoings, I don't see how £5 a day could even be argued against!!

Well I think your dh has not thought it through. He doesn't really like him or want him there but he'd save up quicker to move out if he wasn't charged.

Additionally, this is his home and he sounds slightly vulnerable to me. You say he has quit a uni course through deep unhappiness. I think a bit of tlc is needed. Children don't just become adults the day they turn 18. Many of them are young people needing support. I definitely wouldn't charge a 19yo child of mine in this situation unless I was really struggling to pay for food and bills, in which case I would explain to him, look I cannot afford this.

Noramum he has a gym membership and own phone, he buys his own clothes reluctantly. He is currently paying for driving lessons although I don't think he understands the cost of running a car. Apart from the odd night out when not working not much else.

Jean he is with us most nights for the family meal if he is home a bit later I'll always plate it up so he can have it when he's home. He usually sorts himself out at weekends though when he does bar work.

I'm trying to point out how important it is to save hopefully some of it sinks in

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask grown up children, who are not in full time education, and who are working, some sort of housekeeping.
It may be their home, but you are paying the mortgage, rent, and all the bills and presumably buying the food as well. It is only fair that if they aren't in education and are working that they contribute to the running costs of the house. You are essentially feeding another adult, so even if it's a contribution towards the food shopping it's something.
No wonder we have so many kids who feel that the world owes them a living when parents spoon feed them and never ask them to pull their weight!
I think when I graduated Uni, I lived at home for about 6 months before renting with friends and I was working full time, taking home approx £1000 a month. My mum asked me to pay £50 a week in housekeeping. That left me plenty to run my car/phone, socialise and save for a deposit. I had no problem with it - they had supported me through Uni after all!