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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should you allow teenagers to have sex in their bedrooms?

140 replies

mears · 24/01/2007 00:31

Following on from another thread about when you first had sex, what is your opinion about teenagers sleeping together.

I had a disagreement with a good friend of mine about allowing teenagers to sleep together in my house. I won't allow it.

Her opinion is that it is better to let them have sex safely under her roof than trying to find somewhere. Her 17 year old DS was bringing his 16 year old girlfriend home to stay overnight. Contraception was used.

I will not allow my 17yr old DS to have his 16yr old gilfriend to stay overnight to watch videos in his room!

Isn't part of the fun of having sex when you are a teenager, doing it when you aren't meant to?

OP posts:
Bucketsofdynomite · 27/01/2007 20:27

Depends on the relationship, if they are stereotypically loved up and clearly already doing it, then maybe every few weeks I'd allow a boyfriend/girlfriend to stay and my child to do the same (if invited.) I'm also wary of letting them get so stuck together they have no other lives (although my sis has been with her dh since they were 16, 20yrs this year!)

tigermoth · 27/01/2007 23:43

I too know of some relationships started in people's teens still going strong 20 years later, so it can turn out ok. I don't think it's always a great mistake to find your true love when you are that young.

It's just that I have seen the bad side. I was definitely stifled by the relationship I had with my live in boyfriend and feel robbed of those teenage years of freedom and youth. I felt very out of my depth when I left him and came to London and I was so naive. I also rebelled (a bit) when I came up here - living in squats, dodgy boyfriends, druggy people etc - I was lucky I made some good friends at the time who cared about me. The boyfriend I left was apparently was heartbroken. I have bumped into him once or twice since we parted - he has never married or really settled down - so that early, intense relationship probably didn't do him much good either.

Tortington · 27/01/2007 23:50

my son has been going out with his girly for well over a year. She has contraception he is 17 she is 16. he stops at her house lots. her parents are fab. but to think that he is really sleeping on that lilo in her room is very naive of me.

at first she slept in my daughters room, as time has gone on she sleeps with him in a room with my 13 yo son.

i dont mince my words when i say to them " no sex in front of ds" just like that " no sex in front of ds"

as you can imagine they are mortified. so its not not allowed, but its not allowed if that makes any sense, ofcourse i think they have under my roof.

now if he was fucking indiscrimatley - he could do it somewhere else - i have principles y' know!

i think it helps if you dont tidy the boys room. my boys room is a hovel. i think staying at my house is last resort.

edam · 28/01/2007 00:08

Thanks Custy, I'll remember that top tip about not tidying up to make ds's room less attractive as a shag pad...

Tortington · 28/01/2007 00:13

indeed one to remember along with other top tips

tigermoth · 28/01/2007 00:17

I'll certainly be doing the same here - great justification for not being relaxed about housework!

My mother allowed me and BF to re-decorate the top two rooms of the house to use as 'our flat' - when we were 17.

tigermoth · 28/01/2007 00:17

sorry, I mean great justification for being relaxed about housework!

jampot · 28/01/2007 00:18

i think i would allow it but cant see dh agreeing

Tortington · 28/01/2007 00:23

of course it will be different where my daughter is concerned. why that is? i cannot say. everyone can be very liberated except my dd. who is going to be a nun

herbgarden · 28/01/2007 19:15

I was 35 when I married my dh 34, who I'd already lived with for 8 years when we married. Although we were allowed to sleep in the same room at his parents house, we were in twin beds....I didn't really think anything of it much other than that this was my dh's old room. Once married we were transferred to his sisters old room which I thought was hilarious and which has a really really uncomfortable and small, but double, bed. I reckon my mil then wanted us to get on with it as regards grandchildren !...I've asked if we can go back to sleeping in the twin beds so that we can get a good nights sleep - I think she was a bit put out ! Anyway, to get to the point (ramble ramble) - you can see which end of the spectrum she fell at. My mum allowed me to sleep with boyfriends in my bed at home after I went to uni (they weren't numerous and only "serious" ones allowed). She took the "rather know what is going on approach" - but before that it wasn't allowed. Now, as a mother, I think I will probably take the same view which I thought was very helpful. She was also very open re contraception etc.....However, maybe everything is getting "younger" these days (very scary)

traci8 · 29/01/2007 22:13

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Original poster
mears · 29/01/2007 22:17

I don't mind then having sex in the bedroom when I am not there and don't know about it. What I don't want is to give them free reign to sleep together all night with my knowledge. Weird i know.

OP posts:
moondog · 29/01/2007 22:20

That is it exactly Mears.
That parental seal of approval is so cringe inducing.

Skribble · 29/01/2007 22:23

Agree with Tracie, same attitude my Mum had, turned a bit of a blind eye when my longterm boyfriend stayed over. So exactly condoned but not condemed and certainly condomed .

Think back to your first experiences, was it round the back of the Spar in the dark next to the bins, it isn't nice and doesn't support safe sex either as you can herdly see what you are doing or take the time to think about it. Always a good idea to sus out what the other parent is doing about it too but hard to get an honest answer.

If they are close in age and being sensible about it and long term, well in the realms of teenagers long term means a month or so but you know what I mean.

myhappytrio · 11/02/2007 20:05

would never allow dd's or ds to have sleep together under my roof unfortunately for my kids i'm not very liberated. i am open in convo's with them and will always talk to them about it but not an option till they live with thier partners i feel respect is needed on both sides and would like to think they won't ask me. friends and bf's gf's welcome but sleep in seperate rooms. sex is all too free and easy now !!!!

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