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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should you allow teenagers to have sex in their bedrooms?

140 replies

mears · 24/01/2007 00:31

Following on from another thread about when you first had sex, what is your opinion about teenagers sleeping together.

I had a disagreement with a good friend of mine about allowing teenagers to sleep together in my house. I won't allow it.

Her opinion is that it is better to let them have sex safely under her roof than trying to find somewhere. Her 17 year old DS was bringing his 16 year old girlfriend home to stay overnight. Contraception was used.

I will not allow my 17yr old DS to have his 16yr old gilfriend to stay overnight to watch videos in his room!

Isn't part of the fun of having sex when you are a teenager, doing it when you aren't meant to?

OP posts:
Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 16:53

Sorry about your situation Lilibet. I definitely wouldn't allow your DDs BF to stay over but I would let him in the house folowing my rules.

DS1 (18) had a girlfriend I didn't particularly like. He wanted her to stay over (she had already had sex with previous boyfriend). Had a frank discussion with him about sex being OK but making sure they used proper contraception however I didn't want her staying over here with his younger brothers ands sisters around.

They may have had sex at a party at her house (didn't like to ask - it is his private business) but the relationship didn't last thankfully. Perhaps when he has a longterm relationship I will rethink, but he is not sleeping with a girl he has only known a few weeks in my house.

OP posts:
Pruni · 24/01/2007 16:54

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Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 16:54

Glad the discussion has helped you with your decision pointydog

OP posts:
Pruni · 24/01/2007 16:55

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pointydog · 24/01/2007 16:57

oh nooo pruni!! god I would hate that! I would hate that sooo much.nnnnngggggggg

that is awful

Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 16:58

I would have liked to have discussed sleepover with DS2's GF's parents but I didn't like to do that. What if their thoughts were totally different to mine? According to DS they were happy for her to stay overnight. I was the one with the problem according to him because I didn't trust them not to have sex. Damn right I didn't - but they obviously trusted their daughter. I think that putting them in the situation of being together all night might well encourage them to give it a go!

OP posts:
Pruni · 24/01/2007 16:58

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Pruni · 24/01/2007 16:59

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Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 16:59

And sorry - i have just seen too many pregnant 15 year old's to believe that curiosity doesn't get the better of them.

OP posts:
Pruni · 24/01/2007 17:01

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pointydog · 24/01/2007 17:02

For a start I wouldn't want to get pally with the other parents. They might be arses. My dd would be mortified. Ficking mortified. I would be mortified. We would probably all have different opinions.

I do not want to chit chat with strangers about my dd's sex life. That is a private matter for her, to discuss with her close family and friends.

chenin · 24/01/2007 17:03

Lillibet.... totally agree with you in that if you are not happy with the bf, there is no way he can stay over with your DD

I like DD's bf so don't mind him staying. For all of you that think you are going to hear the bed creaking and them 'at it' that is just not the case. It just doesn't seem to work like that. I think my DD would just die of embarrassment if I heard anything like that because she is not brazen with it.

Also she is on the pill, we went to the doctors together and they also use condoms because of STI's.

I honestly never thought I would allow this but she just seems so mature now compared to when she was say, 16, that I feel it is right.

It might come back and bite me on the bum of course!

pointydog · 24/01/2007 17:04

now i'm going to get called british, repressed and the root of all teenage pregnancies.

Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 17:05

what age is she now helliebean?

OP posts:
chenin · 24/01/2007 17:07

Agree with pointydog... do not get pally with bf or gf's parents.

It is their decision what they do in their house and our decision what we decide.

I have seen too many parents get pally with the parents of the bf or gf, only for one to two time or dump the other in a horrible way and it doesn't 'arf cause repercussions if you have made 'new' friends with the parents.

Not for me...

chenin · 24/01/2007 17:07

She is 18

Pruni · 24/01/2007 17:08

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Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 17:08

Would you have been happy for her to have sex under your roof at 16? My 17yr ols DS2 is in alongterm realtionship and he is the one I am more worried about

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 24/01/2007 17:09

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pointydog · 24/01/2007 17:09

I don't want my kids to talk to friends' parents about their sex lives. No. That's a step to far in the maturity stakes.

Pruni · 24/01/2007 17:10

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pointydog · 24/01/2007 17:10

har!

Pruni · 24/01/2007 17:11

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Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 17:11

Pruni has a point though. What if DS's girlfriend is lying to her parents about where she is staying? She might say she is in another room when she is planning to be in DS's bed. They might not condone her having sex and i would be letting it happen.
Oh, definitely not happening

OP posts:
pointydog · 24/01/2007 17:13

yeah pruni! see how awful it would be!