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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should you allow teenagers to have sex in their bedrooms?

140 replies

mears · 24/01/2007 00:31

Following on from another thread about when you first had sex, what is your opinion about teenagers sleeping together.

I had a disagreement with a good friend of mine about allowing teenagers to sleep together in my house. I won't allow it.

Her opinion is that it is better to let them have sex safely under her roof than trying to find somewhere. Her 17 year old DS was bringing his 16 year old girlfriend home to stay overnight. Contraception was used.

I will not allow my 17yr old DS to have his 16yr old gilfriend to stay overnight to watch videos in his room!

Isn't part of the fun of having sex when you are a teenager, doing it when you aren't meant to?

OP posts:
persephonesnape · 24/01/2007 14:00

but (big but) lilibet, she's going to shag him anyway. Once she's grown up, she's grown up. You won't have the influence that you may be used to having. Hopefully she will see some sort of sense over Mr wrong and then you'll be there to support her.

My dd is eleven. I've already resigned myself to hating any of her future partners because they just won't be good enough...whoever they are, even without the lack of xmas presents, attention and knocking up all and sundry. I'll make sure she knows when i disapprove, but I can't make her sleep with who i want to make her sleep with. She's rather strong willed so she'll make her own choices, but I'd rather she makes them under my roof, once she's legally of age, than in some crack den or behind the tennis courts (where i used to take my conquests, because i wouldn't even think of doing it at home!)

lilibet · 24/01/2007 14:02

and yes I know it was about a different thing, it's just my parp thing as you can imagine!

If he was a nice 'clean' boy with either a job that has a salary or going to college I'm sure I would feel differently, then again so would she - it's the bad boy thing!

And don't get me started on his family!!!

persephonesnape · 24/01/2007 14:09

I think i could have been more tactful in my first sentence. what i think i really meant to say was the old saying about giving your children roots and wings. you bring your children up to expect respect and love within a relationship, to make wise choices about who they let into their hearts. you try and install morals in them so that they never go out of their way to intentionally hurt someone. then they ignore you and go out with the bad boys anyway... I'm sure your daughter will see sense Lilibet, because I'm sure you've brought her up to have some self respect, however deep it may seem to be buried at the moment. until that day comes if you kick up about this waste of space boyfriend, she's posssibly going to take his side. That for me is unthinkable, because I wouldn't want to jeopardise my relationship with my daughter over some scumbag bloke. So i would welcome him into our home, with gritted teeth, but I'd make it perfectly clear that it is my home, my rules and he'll respect my family while he's here.

Ladymuck · 24/01/2007 14:12

How do you know that they are using contraception when they shag at your house? Do you check the bins or something?!

Ladymuck · 24/01/2007 14:13

Or do you buy family sized packs of condoms and leave them in the bathroom?

Fireflyfairy2 · 24/01/2007 14:20

I stayed over with dh after a year of dating. He stayed twice in my house & slept on the setee. There were 2 beds in his room in his parents house & his room was upstairs. His parents room was downstairs. All his mum ever said was "Night pets, be careful" I always looked shocked at her... my da would have killed dh stone dead if he thought we were sleeping together.

DD is 5 & dh says he would have a laid back attitude if she had a long term boyfriend & it looked like they were going to have a future, I however, am not sure if I would like it at all.. possibly due to our different upbringings & my Catholic guilt!

ticklemepink · 24/01/2007 14:32

oh to tell the world (those on mn anyway)of missing a pill aged 17 getting pregnant(staying at his btw)...having a lovely ds who now learns through my knowledge that these can happen...no matter where you are...i agree under my roof is better than unmentionable places...give them your advice on the do's and don'ts..who with who definately not with...funny i wonder if any of you have experienced the whole thing of ones legal ones not??? just to throw that into this pan! i will let ds have gf round after a reasonable length of time together..and yes i am influenced by my thoughts on her...but no one night stands and no-one underage...good luck to you all on this one its hard, sometimes embarassing but not as hard as them telling you they either are going to be a parent or have to make a trip to the local clinic...my advice talk to them ..your their parent...you know them best...follow your instincts...they are usually right

ticklemepink · 24/01/2007 14:35

ladymuck...i got my ds and my dss condoms from drs when they were about 14yrs...ever the girlguide..be prepared

MimmyPig · 24/01/2007 14:38

'If they are teenagers then I doubt they are in loving,stable longterm realtionships. Its just lust and experimentation.'

That's rubbish! I started going out with my boyfriend at 18 and we were together until I was 24! No mid relationship breaks up or cheating either.

I don't know what I'd do - I'm hoping they won't be really young when they start! I was 18, almost 19 so not exactly a child. If they were 16 or below I'd go ballistic - not very productive I'm sure but I wouldn't be happy.

Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 15:07

I don't know why but I just don't want my DS having sex in his bedroom with his 16year old girlfriend. I think if I condone them staying overnight together they will end up having sex sooner than they otherwise would. Probably not logical thinking I know.

OP posts:
lilibet · 24/01/2007 15:15

Mears, how do you know that they are not having sex?

Greensleeves · 24/01/2007 15:18

Well, in your situation lilibet, the question of appropriate sexual behaviour wouldn't come up, because he wouldn't be allowed to cross the threshold.

noddyholder · 24/01/2007 15:22

Mears they amy already have had sex.I think it shows them you trust them and cuts out that terribly british thing of sex being something to hide or snigger about.

Lorina · 24/01/2007 15:34

I think its a bit dismal and boring of a teenager to want to be having sex at home. Surely they should be out and about having a wild time.

zippitippitoes · 24/01/2007 15:35

I think the bedroom bit is fine it's the slobbering over each other in the middle of a conversation with you i find harder! and the occupation of the living room half dressed and coiled round each other

Milliways · 24/01/2007 15:57

No Way!

(We never did anything until married anyway ourselves)

Even as a married couple, get embarrassed when parents stay here or we stay at parents etc Am I the only one that still feels like that after 20 years married?

ticklemepink · 24/01/2007 16:01

ahh bless you! i only ever got embaressed when i heard my parents 'at it' and another time found some 'photos' whilst looking for some sanitary towels ...OMG!!!

Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 16:36

I just know they haven't

We had a very frank discussion when i was giving reasons for not allowing DS's girlfiend to stay overnight in his room to watch videos (had a thread about it at the time).

His just turned 17 year old cousin is pregnant and we had a big discussion then too. As a midwife I am always talking about contraception and safe sex which really annoys him

OP posts:
pointydog · 24/01/2007 16:40

not read the thread but this is a tricky question.

Seeing as I will be working, I would expect them to try and have sex in my house while I am out, unlikely to be back any time soon and without me knowing. And they'd better tidy up afterwards.

I don't think I could stand knowing a young daughter of mine was shagging in the next room.

pointydog · 24/01/2007 16:40

hey! I've just made a decision about a tricky subject. thanks mears

pointydog · 24/01/2007 16:43

lillibet. I would be MAD mAD MAD if some arsehole treated my daughter like that! He would not be staying over in my house.

Original poster
mears · 24/01/2007 16:45

TBH I am not concerned about them sneakily having sex in the house when we are not here (safely using contraception).

What I don't want to do is give them a green light to have sex when we are here. What I don't know won't bother me.

Where is the fun having sex in a house that your parents are in and with their blessing?

It is also a good way out for either of them if they don't really want to.

OP posts:
Pruni · 24/01/2007 16:46

Message withdrawn

pointydog · 24/01/2007 16:47

They're young, they want sex. They'll put up with anything

Pruni · 24/01/2007 16:48

Message withdrawn