Threatened w legal action for reporting underage teen party???

[Debsnz]

Hi I'm new here and somewhat gob smacked right now.

Over the weekend, I found that my teenage daughter had snuck out. She wasn't answering her phone, so I rang the police to report her missing and started driving around to try to find her.

I did eventually find her, walking the street with two friends. I told them to get in the car, which they did, and I immediately noticed the unmistakable smell of alcohol. My daughter swore she wasn't drinking, and I checked her breath, and she hadn't been. It was her friends.

So I took them back to their house, and got out the car to walk to the front door - intending to talk to their parents. Suddenly my daughters friend blocked my way and told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't allowed in. I said I wanted to talk to her mother. She said, smugly, you can't - she's away for the weekend with her boyfriend. At this point I noticed movement in the house behind her; there were dozens of teenagers. Obviously, having a party while mum was away.

I said does your mother know you're having a party? To which she said yes she does and she said its ok. I was doubtful, and not at all impressed with her attitude. I told her that she is underage and it is illegal to drink without parental supervision; she continued to smugly smirk at me. I was shocked at her utter rudeness and disrespect.

I didn't believe her; besides, the police has asked me (on my earlier phone call) to let them know if I managed to locate my daughter. So I pulled out my phone, rang the police and told them the address, that there was an underage party going on with teen drinking and no parental supervision and perhaps they might want to come break it up. At this point, many of the teenagers left - they didn't want to get arrested, obviously.

In the meantime my daughter was crying that I was ruining her life, to which I said perhaps she'll think twice before she ever sneaks out to any other parties, then. I also gave the police the mothers contact details.

Tonight, having calmed down, I sent a text to the friends mother letting her know that I had discovered her kids walking the street drinking, and that when I took them home I discovered a house full of teenagers having a party. Perhaps I was naive, but I did not expect her response - that she had been talking to her lawyers and I would be receiving a letter from them soon, and to never contact her again! All I can think is that her "dear" children must have lied in order to avoid getting in trouble.

I'm flabbergasted. I admit I was very angry - I was worried sick when I discovered my daughter missing, and I couldn't believe her friends would be so rude and disrespectful - but I never would have thought someone would threaten legal action just because I contacted the police. Surely, she should've been grateful that I broke the party up so that her house didn't end up destroyed or anyone hurt (or worse) as is so often the case with underage drinking?

I'm not a complete goody-two-shoes fun police; I just don't think it's safe for kids to be drinking without any adults present, I definitely don't think teenage girls should be wandering round the streets at night drinking, anything could happen to them. Am I just old fashioned? Or is it the other mother with the problem?

Essentially, its quite similar to the uk. If i found a load of kids drinking underage and unsupervised at home alone, yeah i might be worried about them. I'd probably mention it to police if i was actually dropping a drunk teen back at that house as i'd feel some responsibility, otherwise not

The fact the teens scarpered suggests they perhaps did not have parental consent??

bomadier I made it very clear that it was in trip de the the op's statement that drinking under the age of 18 is illegal. That statement is wrong, the other issues had been covered.

You then said things like 'maybe the op meant this' or maybe that.

You can be rude and not apologise, it's fine.

I drove around for an hour looking for my daughter, not after I found her. I'd have thought that was obvious.

As for sex, yes, lifesasong understood me right - it was the other mother who' was off having sex with some random boyfriend and leaving the kids behind with plenty of booze and no supervision. Which. As Sprink explains, is hardly providing alcohol in a safe or responsible manner.

*response to

And Bomdadier it wasn't my first post at all. At least bother to read the thread if you are going to target people.

Yes, dozens of teenagers = a fucking shit load of noise and, usually, loud music to accompany. Tbf, a dozen teenagers in itself produces a not inconsiderable noise level. I have/had four of my own. They alone could produce huge volume.

Perhaps they're all mime artists, what with the movement being the first point of realising there were dozens of teenagers inside...

www.cheers.org.nz/talking-to-teens/what-works/under-18s-and-the-law.html

About teenage drinking in NZ

How do you know there were no over 18s supervising?

Gosh OP, you know an awful lot about this mother and her random boyfriend.

Also, SHOCK. Adult has sex with boyfriend. Disgusting.

hang on, hang on.

It's illegal to have a party in NZ? Do you get a "party license" on your 18th?

Calm down folks, I'd heard before that the location of NZ was "the 1950s" and that explains so much.

Ok i'm not arguing any more. If you meant it as you say, and just forgot to add the bit about parental/similar consent/only applies in private home, fine. Funny how all the kids left, what with it being totes legal n all

I quite fancy a random boyfriend now that I think about it. Bit like revels. So long as I never got the orange one, all would be fine.

I'm not entirely sympathetic to op. I guess she had to call the police anyway so thats not the problem. But dropping off drunk teens to a house where you are told the parents are not present and there is further underage drinking can put you in a difficult position. I'd probably feel i had to mention it at that point and leave it to police to investigate. If a child was hospitalised for example (or worse) questions would be asked as to why i had left them in a dangerous situation

Some people don't give a shit about their kids.

I guess the police would just reply with 'yeah whatevez theres no legal limit to drinking in nz dontchno' and it'd be problem solved

I haven't tead all of it but my children are 21 and almost 18 so have done my share of broken curfews, smoking, and tipsyness, not to mention teats over boyfriends/girlfriends and the request for the 16 year old girlfriend to stay over. DS also did a gap year near Auckland at 18/19 so I've an idea of how NZ families operate. he was with family.

It sounds to me as though you and your DD need to agree boundaries and there is a need for some compromise, possibly on both sides. I suspect your relationship is also heading into a car crash unless you both find better ways to communicate.

Your priority is your daughter and her safety and overall wellbeing.

Your priority is not someone else's child, or what another mother or her child get up to unless yours is in danger. Yours chose to do what she did it wasn't unreasonable to expect it to happen so you make sure they know how to handle themselves, when to say no and when to leave.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs you have been unkind to your daughter and to another family and you don't seem to care. That's why in my opinion you have list the moral high ground.

I think you should apologise to all parties and start to build a better, kinder relationship with your daughter. Poor girl.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs you have been unkind to your daughter and to another family and you don't seem to care. That's why in my opinion you have list the moral high ground

This absolutely^^

It doesn't make the op a superior parent in any way, nor does it means she 'cares' more.
Parenting is far more complicated than that.

the other mother who' was off having sex with some random boyfriend and leaving the kids behind with plenty of booze and no supervision.
This is entirely from your imagination. You have no clue of these details.
You don't know that she was having sex.
You don't know that she was with some random boyfriend.
You don't know that she left plenty of booze behind for the kids.
You don't know that there was no adult supervision.

You don't even know who was in the house and how old any of them were (other than your DD and her friend)
You didn't even go in the house to see anything. You jumped to these conclusions from standing outside, noticing some movement and a very brief conversation with a girl who was at risk of public humiliation from you!