Threatened w legal action for reporting underage teen party???

[Debsnz]

Hi I'm new here and somewhat gob smacked right now.

Over the weekend, I found that my teenage daughter had snuck out. She wasn't answering her phone, so I rang the police to report her missing and started driving around to try to find her.

I did eventually find her, walking the street with two friends. I told them to get in the car, which they did, and I immediately noticed the unmistakable smell of alcohol. My daughter swore she wasn't drinking, and I checked her breath, and she hadn't been. It was her friends.

So I took them back to their house, and got out the car to walk to the front door - intending to talk to their parents. Suddenly my daughters friend blocked my way and told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't allowed in. I said I wanted to talk to her mother. She said, smugly, you can't - she's away for the weekend with her boyfriend. At this point I noticed movement in the house behind her; there were dozens of teenagers. Obviously, having a party while mum was away.

I said does your mother know you're having a party? To which she said yes she does and she said its ok. I was doubtful, and not at all impressed with her attitude. I told her that she is underage and it is illegal to drink without parental supervision; she continued to smugly smirk at me. I was shocked at her utter rudeness and disrespect.

I didn't believe her; besides, the police has asked me (on my earlier phone call) to let them know if I managed to locate my daughter. So I pulled out my phone, rang the police and told them the address, that there was an underage party going on with teen drinking and no parental supervision and perhaps they might want to come break it up. At this point, many of the teenagers left - they didn't want to get arrested, obviously.

In the meantime my daughter was crying that I was ruining her life, to which I said perhaps she'll think twice before she ever sneaks out to any other parties, then. I also gave the police the mothers contact details.

Tonight, having calmed down, I sent a text to the friends mother letting her know that I had discovered her kids walking the street drinking, and that when I took them home I discovered a house full of teenagers having a party. Perhaps I was naive, but I did not expect her response - that she had been talking to her lawyers and I would be receiving a letter from them soon, and to never contact her again! All I can think is that her "dear" children must have lied in order to avoid getting in trouble.

I'm flabbergasted. I admit I was very angry - I was worried sick when I discovered my daughter missing, and I couldn't believe her friends would be so rude and disrespectful - but I never would have thought someone would threaten legal action just because I contacted the police. Surely, she should've been grateful that I broke the party up so that her house didn't end up destroyed or anyone hurt (or worse) as is so often the case with underage drinking?

I'm not a complete goody-two-shoes fun police; I just don't think it's safe for kids to be drinking without any adults present, I definitely don't think teenage girls should be wandering round the streets at night drinking, anything could happen to them. Am I just old fashioned? Or is it the other mother with the problem?

16

It's legal to provide it for a party. The other parents should be aware, but it is perfectly legal for the parent/s to provide it for a party.

I can't find the clause about pissing off for the weekend.

Surprisingly, 16 years olds get laid. Funny old world.

A more appropriate response if you were genuinely concerned about the "party" goers would be to have contacted the parents and tell them that the party was getting out of control rather than reporting then to the police.

If you couldn't get a hold of the parents then the police would be an option if you were seriously concerned.

Phoning the police because a teenager had an attitude and/or because you are pissed off with your daughter being slightly rebellious (she wasn't even drinking!) is OTT. If you butt heads with teenagers rather than work with them you are not going to get good results.

You say you don't care if your actions result in social suicide for your daughter. Really? You don't care if your 16 year old daughter ends up with no friends, no social life and becomes isolated because her mother over reacts?

Not really concerned if it's social suicide for my daughter. She shouldn't have snuck out. End of.

I'm cringing for your poor daughter

No, op said it is illegal to drink underage without parental supervision. You make it sound like there is no law at all about underage drinking. Its quite similar to the uk, in that its mostly the selling or providing of alcohol that is illegal without parental consent (and this woman didnt ask the op did she, so did she ask anyone elses parents?)

You've made some massive assumptions here OP, about the Mother not knowing there was a party going on.

You don't go around 'breaking up' other people's parties until you're absolutely sure you have reason to.

You couldn't possibly have known from just seeing 'movement' that there weren't over 18 year olds there with the Mum's blessing.

You might have thought you were doing the right thing, but from the Mum's point of view, you went at it like a bull in a china shop and didn't stop to think for one second that you should have checked with her that her daughter was telling the truth.

The solicitor's letter is laughable but so is the fact you don't seem to understand why you've pissed this woman off so much.

Here we go bomadier

*Debsnz

Obviously we live in different countries, Biscetti. It isn't a holiday weekend here, and it's illegal for kids to drink under the age of 18. As confirmed to me by the police when I spoke with them*

No need to apologise

(Op was probably thinking of laws about alcohol in public places, where it is against the law if a parent/similar is not present)

Ofgs

???

So the police have confirmed to her it is illegal to drink underage and your point again was?

It is NOT illegal to drink under 18 without parental supervision. Without permission, yes, but no supervision at HOME needed.

Just going to bang my head against a wall

she had been talking to her lawyers and I would be receiving a letter from them soon, and to never contact her again!

Bet you a tenner that no lawyers are involved.

I think the OP means that the child's parents were going to get laid not the teens at the party or at least that's the way it reads to me.

I know nothing about the law in NZ but as the police didn't tell the OP she was wasting their time and there was nothing they could do I'd say that it must be something that is considered worthy of follow up.

OP - you obviously didn't realise that MN is mostly a UK community, if you post again I'd bear that in mind as people can't wait to tear your post apart even when it quite clearly isn't in AIBU.

This is a non issue, OP did what did thought was right at the time, the other parent could have been mature and said thanks for letting me know but I knew about the party, she didn't, she threatened legal action which was pathetic.

The kids are no longer friends and the party is over and the OP's DD is safe. The end.

It is true there is no age when it is illegal to consume alcohol in NZ. In the UK the age is under 5.

However, it is illegal to purchase alcohol if under 18 in both countries, and in NZ

It is illegal to supply alcohol to someone under the age of 18 years unless:

the person supplying the alcohol is the parent or legal guardian and the alcohol is supplied in a responsible manner,

or

the person supplying alcohol has the express consent of the young person’s parent or legal guardian and the alcohol is supplied in a responsible manner.

Which isn't what happened in OP's scenario. The parents did not have OP's consent to supply her daughter with alcohol, and if they weren't on the premises I don't know how they'd be able to ensure it was supplied "in a responsible manner."

Obviously I wasn't even aware there was a party going on at the time I found them (and if I had known, I would've gone straight there instead of driving around for over an hour first).

I don't understand this bit. You picked them up, presumably not far from their home, realised they had been drinking alcohol, but decided to drive around for over an hour? Why? I'm sure that taking them home was a better idea than a scenic tour of the area! Didn't you want to get your dd back home?

Although her daughter DID NOT DRINK. As the OP clearly states.

Right lets go through it again

Your rather brief first post, jeremy, is that there is no age at which it is illegal to drink alcohol in nz

That misses out rather a lot, dont you think, giving the impression that there is no concept of underage drinking in nz and op has nothing to report to police

Perhaps you didnt mean to imply that, in which case i am sure you dont mind the clarifications

You cant drink underage in public without parental/similar supervision (which is what i think op was initially thinking of)
You cant provide alcohol to under 18s without parental/similar consent (op mentioned this later, perhaps she knew already, its an internet forum)

So no i'm not apologising for clarifying that nz does actually have a concept of underage drinking.

You have absolutely NO idea who was in the house!
You have guessed from seeing some movement inside that there were a few dozen teenagers and no adults.
If you weren't happy about your DD being there then take her home, but why stick your nose into someone else's party when you nothing about the facts?

So the parents in question did not supply the OP's daughter with alcohol - since the OP's daughter didn't drink. The OP has no idea whether other parents had given permission, and it's none of her business.

I can understand why you did it.

I'm in the UK and there has been quite alot of deaths due to alcohol poisoning.My niece was nearly one of them and she'd just turned 18 it scared the life out of us and she stopped drinking after that and she's 31 now.

You said it was a text message?are you sure it was from the Mum and not from the Daughter,her Brother,a friend of the children's?They could have had access to her phone you know.

If it was from her I would just ignore it and not respond it's most probably a knee jerk reaction because she's worried that she's going to get in trouble with the Police and have the parents of the children who didn't know they're child was there(like with you and your DD)or knew but didn't know there'd be know adult supervision or didn't know about the drinking.

It's not only the drinking that would worry me neither,I'd also be worried about the fact that 9 months down the line some of those poor parents could find themselves becoming Grandparents.It wouldn't be the first time or the last.
I've known 3 young girls that happened with and when it happened all 3 of them and the boys they slept with were drunk.

The only thing I would have done different is I wouldn't have contacted the Police infront of my DD or her friends.That way she wouldn't get any hassle from her friends because as far as they'd know it could just be a neighbour that spoke to the Police.
But I do understand why you might not thought of that.I think it would be enough to piss most people off having someone else's teenager smirking at them and getting mouthy with them,you lost your patience and reacted.
Your DD's friend wanted a reaction and she got one,it's just not the reaction she wanted.