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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Random teenagers sleeping in my sitting room

145 replies

SiwanGwynt · 30/01/2016 11:40

Dh came downstairs this morning to find a teenager asleep on our sofa. He was furious.

DS (18) had gone to a party, told me that he would not be home. Turns out he did, with his girlfriend and another girl. They came in at 4am, we did not hear them.

DH (DS is his stepson) is livid and talking about how awful it is to have strangers in the house. This is the second time it has happened this month, and he does not want it happening again. Shouted and woke them all up. Still took her 3 hours to get her stuff together and go home.

I am less bothered. It was a girl, I have met her (last time she stayed over and we found her on the sofa) and I would rather have known. I think this is pretty much par for the course for having teenagers. He is cross with me for not being as cross as he is.

What do others think? I am being too laid back?

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 31/01/2016 10:21

Your dh is incredibly rude , even if he was annoyed at ds he should have tiptoed out and waited a couple of hours then knocked on the door. The girls did nothing he should have spoken to your ds privately later.

Graceymac · 31/01/2016 10:29

I would have been annoyed if they woke the house at 4am but they didn't. I would rather have a house that is open and welcoming than one that isn't. At least your son came home and respected you both enough to stay quiet.

DrSeussRevived · 31/01/2016 10:30

Given my theory that her lift was coming at 11am anyway, staying out of the way in your DS's room seems quite reasonable rather than carrying on wandering round the house.

PenelopePitstops · 31/01/2016 10:35

Your DH sounds incredibly hard work. If this is the worst thing that has happened with teens then you're doing well.

I'd have a word with DH and explain it's better for the kids to be safe rather than sleeping God knows where. Being the house where friends are accepted is a good thing and it means loads of great memories from your ds and his friends. The other option is the kids stop coming round. It speaks volumes that your kids only invite people over when your DH is out.

BertrandRussell · 31/01/2016 10:35

I always tell mine to bring people home rather than let them take any risks- I would so rather they were safe with us than getting a lift with possibly drunken peers, for example, or trying to walk home in the dark....

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 31/01/2016 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YodellingForJesus · 31/01/2016 10:48

I am on your side. We have had this happen many times over the years. Our house is in the middle of town, so we often have teenage friends of our DDs staying over after a night out. I am glad they are able to feel comfortable stopping over. Sometimes they make a bit of noise when they stumble home, and there's a trail of toast crumbs, coffee spills etc in the kitchen in the morning, but that's par for the course. We've never had any trouble, the guests are mostly very grateful and polite. And it's nice to meet DD's friends too. Your DS sounds like he is a thoughtful boy making sure his friends have somewhere safe to stay.

PosieReturningParker · 31/01/2016 10:51

I'd have a word when they had all left, but shouting at people on the sofa that are the guests of someone that loves I the house ShockShock wow! DS isn't his son either?

Hmmmmm

Donge13 · 31/01/2016 10:58

I normally wake up to people in the living room on a Sunday as dd2 brings her friends back if they don't want to go home for whatever reason.
I actually feel sorry for who is ever on my sofa. I am a early riser, and sit and chat with them till they can't stand it anymore and leave.
Kill them with kindness is the unwanted guest moto in this house Grin

BertrandRussell · 31/01/2016 11:15

"I'd have a word when they had all left,"

I don't understand- what sort of word?

Oblique27 · 31/01/2016 11:56

OP, your "DH" sounds like a grumpy so and so, with no manners. The teenagers know this so avoided him, why is he allowed to be so territorial about the house ? Surely better that the girl was safe and not walking the streets....

DoreenLethal · 31/01/2016 12:07

It is your son's house too. There is a sitting room that the kids use so she wasn't putting anyone out of sofa rights.

Your DH needs to wind his neck in a bit, I mean, shouting and hollering because someone is on the spare kids room sofa?

Perhaps it is time now to say that sitting room is free for sleepovers and you won't use it until noon as long as the resident teens leave a message on the table if anyone is stopping over.

mrsmugoo · 31/01/2016 12:09

It's just what teenagers do. It's close enough in my own mind from when I was doing that!

I'd have put the kettle on and made them all breakfast and offered them towels.

Make your house a welcome place and you will suddenly be the coolest parents on the block and never have to worry about where your own child is because they will never be afraid of coming home and bringing a waif or stray with them.

rosebiggs · 31/01/2016 12:16

Your ds should be praised for giving her a couch to sleep on. Far better than her trying to get home at 4 a.m.

MyNewBearTotoro · 31/01/2016 12:37

As a teenager I was forever bringing back unexpected friends to my parent's house and would also unexpectedly end up at friend's houses too. I expect I shall have to be laid-back about the same when my two tots become teens - it's normal teenager behaviour and I think so as long as the friends aren't causing trouble it's not a big deal.

NoahVale · 31/01/2016 12:39

We have had this A Lot.
it is normal.
way of life with teens.

NoahVale · 31/01/2016 12:40

my dh did get annoyed as this was such a regular occurrence , in the end they took the seats of the chairs and put them on ds bedroom floor. which was better.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 31/01/2016 12:48

My DH is incredibly anti social but he wouldn't dream of shouting at teenage girls whatever the circumstances Hmm. At the risk of being a MN clichè, I feel sorry for your DS here.

I am also very anti social myself but I have no problem with any of my DCs having friends here whenever, as long as they text me to warn me to get dressed, friends' parents know where they are and they are reasonably polite and quiet - which they always are. I hope they always feel the DC can come home whenever and with whoever they need to.

I keep a good supply of teabags, milk and bread. At the moment DD's room is full of giggly young women taller than me and the hall is full of huge shoes. I like it.

Ragwort · 31/01/2016 14:50

open garage - what a great idea Grin.

Roussette · 31/01/2016 18:30

IAmPissedOff that just sounds lovely and mine used to be like that too, lots of laughter, make up, joking around etc. I wouldn't have missed it for the world now that they've moved out.

I wouldn't let them and the friends go out clubbing/drinking or whatever without proper food so I would be shouting out "Oi, Pasta is served, no-one can leave this house until you have had some!" And they would be saying "Rous, I can't eat that HUGE portion, honest I can't!"

BoboChic · 31/01/2016 18:33

This is not "just want teenagers do". It's what teenagers do when they are incredibly badly brought up.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 31/01/2016 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 31/01/2016 18:40

So what does a well brought up teenage boy do when he is at a party and one of his girl friends can't get home? Leave her by the side of the road?

Roussette · 31/01/2016 18:43

Have you posted on the wrong thread, Bobo? Shock

TheTigerIsOut · 31/01/2016 18:43

May I ask you a question, how do you go about a teenager bringing strange men home after she has got so drunk? Just asking as she seems to get either too drunk or too high in drugs to even remember the name of the guys (or where they came from) in the morning.

My friend is a bit pissed off at finding strangers at home in the morning but she thinks that being 18, her DD is free to bring home whoever she wants and that getting high is part of being young.

I don't know about teenagers but if she was my flat mate, I would be ready to move out as soon as I found a new place.

Am I too old fashioned for the times? Or you feel comfortable with strangers spending the night around when they are not even friends of your DS/DD?

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