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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Random teenagers sleeping in my sitting room

145 replies

SiwanGwynt · 30/01/2016 11:40

Dh came downstairs this morning to find a teenager asleep on our sofa. He was furious.

DS (18) had gone to a party, told me that he would not be home. Turns out he did, with his girlfriend and another girl. They came in at 4am, we did not hear them.

DH (DS is his stepson) is livid and talking about how awful it is to have strangers in the house. This is the second time it has happened this month, and he does not want it happening again. Shouted and woke them all up. Still took her 3 hours to get her stuff together and go home.

I am less bothered. It was a girl, I have met her (last time she stayed over and we found her on the sofa) and I would rather have known. I think this is pretty much par for the course for having teenagers. He is cross with me for not being as cross as he is.

What do others think? I am being too laid back?

OP posts:

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 30/01/2016 18:16

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HSMMaCM · 30/01/2016 18:19

I'd quite like to know who's in the house, but that's about it.

Roussette · 30/01/2016 18:26

I just found out so much from having these teens to stay. DCs would be tidying up upstairs, and the friends would be chatting to me in the kitchen and telling me 'stuff'. Then weeks/months later I could ask my teens things that they didn't know I knew!

In some ways I miss all of this, they had some really great friends.

Original poster

SiwanGwynt · 30/01/2016 18:28

why was he bursting into your ds's private sitting room unannounced? If he'd kept his nose out he'd have been none the wiser who was in there.

It is not the kids private sitting room, it is a sitting room that the kids use, there is another that we use. He wanted something from the bookshelf. Opened the door, turned the light on and saw a body on the sofa. Scared them both. I doubt that there are many families where the kids have private sitting rooms that parents can not go in.

He is not really grumpy, he has a very stressful job and when he is at home he wants rest, peace and quiet. With three teens in the house it often is busy and noisy.

Out of courtesy I always tell my kids if we have visitors, for the same reason as I would want to know. I am sure my DD would not want to be wandering around in her pj's if we have friends to dinner.

OP posts:

DixieNormas · 30/01/2016 18:28

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IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 30/01/2016 18:28

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IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 30/01/2016 18:29

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SenecaFalls · 30/01/2016 18:29

I was telling DH about this thread and he reminded me that one of the boys who used to crash at our house on a regular basis would show up periodically and wash our cars. Just his way of saying thanks.

hellsbells99 · 30/01/2016 18:32

My DDs know that I would prefer them to come home with a friend rather than on their own when it's a late party or a clubbing night. I frequently find their friends staying over - often I am asked in advance but not always depending on the circumstances. My priority is my DDs and their friends being safe.

Roussette · 30/01/2016 18:38

Yes, IAmPissed it's strange not having all the noise and fun that teens bring (although I probably have my rose colour specs on, we did have our pressure points! One story in particular springs to mind but if I related it, I doubt anyone on this thread would ever have a teen to stay again!)

Siwan is your DS the only child/teen in the house? If so, really it should not be a problem. And also, it is flattering if they feel they can do this, that their Mum has a house that welcomes friends. My DD had a friend and all of the gang were never ever allowed round there. Ever. It made it awkward for the poor girl.

Your DH needs to chill, honestly he does. Blink and the kids are gone (sob) and then you can't make it OK and you will wish you made it easier for your DS.

Roussette · 30/01/2016 18:40

Your DH needs to chill, honestly he does. Blink and the kids are gone (sob) and then you can't make it OK and you will wish you made it easier for your DS.

Haffdonga · 30/01/2016 18:41

I know with my own teens I have always far preferred them to bring friends here, rather than stay out all night god knows where somewhere else. I like the chance to meet their friends and put a face to a name. So I try to make sure they know their friends are always welcome.

If your dh shouts aggressively at your ds's friends I can imagine it wont be very long before your ds chooses not to come back home and go elsewhere. (As PPs said - better to be the paents the dc who brings his mates home than the parents of the 2 girls staying in 'strangers' houses unplanned and univited.

oldestmumaintheworld · 30/01/2016 18:41

I think your husband is making a mountain out of a molehill. Did he not go to uni, or spend time sleeping on peoples sofas after a party. He needs to stop being a bore and get a grip. It's a kid sleeping over, it is not the end of the world.

Good job he does live in this house. I've trained my children that people are always welcome here and they don't need to book up three weeks in advance. Is he this pissy about everything he doesn't like.

iknowimcoming · 30/01/2016 18:41

Does your dh get mad quite often OP? About other things which most people find trivial?

ArmfulOfRoses · 30/01/2016 18:46

We have a 12 and a 9 year old.
it sounds a bit odd but I can't wait for this to happen!
My friends house was this house, I recently saw her mum at her wedding and we had such a lovely time remembering and I told her how grateful I was to always be made welcome at hers the next morning.

lazymum99 · 30/01/2016 19:22

i used to guess how many and which gender there were in the house on a sunday morning by the shoes left in the hall. always much preferred to have my sons at home with friends than them staying out. Also it meant they came home in a group and not on their own. Much safer. I cannot understand not accepting to even enjoying this period of their lives. I found out (secret!) information about one of my son's love life from the mother of his friend he would sometimes stay with and vice versa. They often chatter quite happily to other people's parents than their own. Happy days.

ParochialE9 · 30/01/2016 20:13

Only time I've got annoyed about a situation like this in the past is when friends are noisy/disrespectful and wake other family members up in the middle of the night. This used to happen with DS2s ex gf who would make no effort at all to be quiet and once had a tantrum at 2.30am cos DS wouldn't cook her pasta!! We made it very clear she was not welcome! Also not happy if they've bought friends home on a week night (usually if back from uni and still living on student time) and have disrupted sleep when others have to get to school or work early next day.

HSMMaCM · 30/01/2016 21:51

We have an open garage for teenagers. We just need warning so we can remove the cars, switch the heater on and put the spare kettle in.

Kbear · 31/01/2016 10:02

Slightly off topic but at 9.30 this morning one of DD's friends knocked on the door crying having had a bust up with her parents - DH got up and let her in...

DD and two of her friends that stayed last night are upstairs now dishing out sage advice and drinking coffee. I just went in and said "I know you're upset but please make sure your mum or someone knows where you are and I'm pleased you came here instead of just disappearing into town or something" and made sure the girls know they can always come here no matter what time day or night.

I am pleased she knew it would be ok to come here. I would hate to think of her wandering the streets crying. She's 16.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 31/01/2016 10:05

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Kbear · 31/01/2016 10:08

DS 14 has just texted me from his bedroom "Pancakes please" - hilarious - he's probably scared to get up with all the wailing from DD's room.....

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 31/01/2016 10:08

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Kirkenes · 31/01/2016 10:12

You DH sounds like a meany. The girl wasn't a random teen she was a friend of your sons who had stayed before.

DrSeussRevived · 31/01/2016 10:15

It sounds like there was a plan - to sleep over at the party - but for whatever reason it fell through.

As the girls were picked up, assume a parent had previously agreed to collect from the party house at 11am and they don't live in walking distance, unlike your DS. So may not have had a choice to go before 11am.

Maybe agree that a note on the door if it happens again would be safer?

Lanark2 · 31/01/2016 10:17

Aw man, yours acted welcoming and your DH totally undermined that, and his decision, that breaks house rules in itself. When I lived in a shared house at uni, courtesy to the guest was the thing. Any concerns could be managed like adults later, or ongoing.

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