Random teenagers sleeping in my sitting room

[SiwanGwynt]

Dh came downstairs this morning to find a teenager asleep on our sofa. He was furious.

DS (18) had gone to a party, told me that he would not be home. Turns out he did, with his girlfriend and another girl. They came in at 4am, we did not hear them.

DH (DS is his stepson) is livid and talking about how awful it is to have strangers in the house. This is the second time it has happened this month, and he does not want it happening again. Shouted and woke them all up. Still took her 3 hours to get her stuff together and go home.

I am less bothered. It was a girl, I have met her (last time she stayed over and we found her on the sofa) and I would rather have known. I think this is pretty much par for the course for having teenagers. He is cross with me for not being as cross as he is.

What do others think? I am being too laid back?

[Roussette]

God NO Tiger! Never ever ever. My DCs could only let friends stay, it just wasn't like that for me!

Never ever strangers they'd picked up in a bar! I'm talking kids I'd known since probably primary school, and their parents!

[Roussette]

Their parents weren't staying of course!

That would be odd

[TheTigerIsOut]

T h a n k Y o u

I was getting slightly worried that the generational gap for when DS gets to this stage would be far to big for me to grasp!

[dilbert19912]

I have older sisters with teens, my dc are much younger but if i go round there sometimes its quite normal to have 6 or 7 teenagers in the back room of a saturday morning, its actually really nice. My sisters kids are so open and honest with her and all boundaries are respected. Like op, the kids have the run of the back room so its not an issue. I hope my kids feel comfortable enough to do this when they're older.

[Kr1stina]

I would find it vaguely irritating but I would smile and pretend that I wasn't bothered. Because I prefer their friends being here to the alternative .

And if it was my teenaged daughter, I'd prefer her being on your sofa to most of the alternatives .

No to randoms picked up in bars of course .

Just life with teenagers , isn't it?

[Meeep]

Your husband sounds miserable.

Your son did the right thing.

[Ludways]

Wouldn't bother me at all and I'd have made them all a fry up.

[SiwanGwynt]

Bobo your post is odd.

I do like the kids having their friends around. I prefer pre arranged though I often have DD's friends staying over and having pancakes for breakfast.

DS's has friends stay over less often, just this girlfriend usually. Most of his friends live a short walk or bus ride away. We are in a city so our buses run most of the night.

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

It seems that (almost) everyone agrees that it's ok for teens to do this, would this also be acceptable if there was only one living area and you could only access the kitchen through there?
My DS does this repeatedly. I am an early riser and will use my living area (a flat) as soon as I'm up, there are often teens (6 foot young men) scattered over my very average lounge. Unfortunately my DS room is not big enough to accommodate everyone he brings home! All I want to do is get up, make tea and get on with my chores, as I work FT, I only get the weekends to do anything.
I've always said that anyone can stay if there's a problem with getting home, my son interprets this as just 'anyone can stay anytime'.
I just find this is a problem due to how my living areas are situated.

Am I being grumpy

[BackforGood]

This is not "just want teenagers do". It's what teenagers do when they are incredibly badly brought up

I'm awfully glad that my dc know the right thing to do if someone needs a bit of help - that is offer it. what odd values you have bobochic

OP - I can't see what the fuss is about. I know this is teenagers and not AIBU, but I do think your dh is being very unreasonable and over-reacting.

I can also say I'd be pleased that my ds and 2 friends could come in at 4am without waking anyone else up. I would be furious if he thought it were a good idea to wake me at 4am to tell me a friend is sleeping in the living room.... why on earth would that be a sensible thing to do?

[Epilepsyhelp]

Good God, my parents would have just made her a cup of tea! Both the girls would have been in the living though, no sharing bedrooms with the opposite sex. We had boundaries but they were generous and fair boundaries. Our friends were always welcome and we really loved that about our home.

[AtiaoftheJulii]

WillIEver I can see why you're grumpy - what happens if you do just get your cup of tea and start your day?

[whois]

WillIEverBeASizeTen what about a breezy "rise and shine lads, or into DS' bedroom now please. I'm going to sit down with a cuppa and watch TV so time to get your selves off the sofa and out from under my feet here. Thank you love!"

[hellsbells99]

WillIever - I think most parents of older teenagers end up being grumpy. It comes with the territory!

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

That's the thing whois DS bedroom is way too small! I wish I had a separate room then it wouldn't be an issue..I don't understand why the OP's husband got so upset as the girl was in a completely separate room..But we all have different house rules and boundaries don't we? He may have been under some stress and that was a trigger..but I would rather someone be on my floor (or sofa) and be safe..

[AtiaoftheJulii]

How old's your son? Do you have the bigger bedroom? Worth swapping? I bet he spends more time in his room than you do in yours ...

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

Our teens have the bigger bedrooms in this house. Makes sense for us as they tend to entertain more people in their bedroom than I do and have homework etc to do so need a private area with desk.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Whois there was two sitting rooms he didn't need to banish them to a bedroom.

[AtiaoftheJulii]

whois isn't talking to the OP, but to WillIEverBeASizeTen just a few posts above.