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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do you make them pay housekeeping

34 replies

TuTru · 21/10/2015 15:12

My 18 yr old DD just got thrown out of college for bad attendance. Despite pretending to go.
Anyway, I said fine but you have to pay rent from now on.
She's disputing the amount with me, she works 8 hrs a week atm but could work loads more, always turns down the work.
I said "well you have to work more so that you can pay, or you move out"
She just says no she won't pay.
What do I do? I'm reluctant to throw her out, but I think that's the only way she'll learn.
What do you all do?

OP posts:
sweetheart · 21/10/2015 15:17

Do you still do her washing, cook her meals etc? If you do and she refuses to pay simply withdraw all that you do for her. Perhaps turn the fuses off when you leave the house so she can't have TV on etc. Change the Wifi code so she can't use that. there are lots of ways of giving her a reality check Grin

dreamingofsun · 21/10/2015 15:24

do her friends pay rent to their parents? my son was moaning at me in front of his friends and they actually ticked him off as they all paid rent. wondered if you might be able to weave it into conversation...though if they dont it would backfire.

agree with seethrearts suggestion about withdrawiing food etc

dreamingofsun · 21/10/2015 15:25

oopps.....also give a deadline as to when this will start. thats what we have done with mine. gives them time to get their heads round things and increase hours, save money etc. in sept we have told ours he will have to pay from jan

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 21/10/2015 15:27

Agree with sweetheart - removal of services should do it. Wifi, hot water, light bulb in bedroom, food, lifts, etc.

Original poster
TuTru · 21/10/2015 15:37

Well she has four weeks til I demand my first payment. That's also her payday. It's not like she hasn't been told a million times in the past that as soon as she's not in education, she has to pay her way.
We have sky plus & Netflix that she makes full use of atm, wifi, washing, food and I seem to be main supplier for her toiletries too. So it's a pretty good deal.
I think part of me can't be doing with anymore drama, but the other part knows it's my duty.
I wish she'd stuck at the college course. ??

OP posts:
Original poster
TuTru · 21/10/2015 15:38

I've removed lifts as she's refused to learn to drive. Don't ask me why, just obstinate I think.

OP posts:
JeffsanArsehole · 21/10/2015 15:40

Change sky and Netflix password, give it her once paid. Take the electricity fuse with you when you leave.

You need your big girl pants for this Grin

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 21/10/2015 15:42

can you take fuses out of the modern fuseboxes?

Original poster
TuTru · 21/10/2015 15:48

I don't know. Wouldn't my fridge defrost and stuff if the electric was off.
I can do the sky pin, etc
Dinners
Washing (I'd love not to have to do that)

OP posts:
MrsLeighHalfpenny · 21/10/2015 15:53

who's car does she use? Who pays petrol, insurance and tax for said car?

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 21/10/2015 15:54

Washing (I'd love not to have to do that)

Don't then.

dreamingofsun · 21/10/2015 15:57

she could do her own washing even when she pays. she's an adult now.

Original poster
TuTru · 21/10/2015 17:36

She could, but she'd prob break my machine, on purpose, and then blame me for making her do her own washing.

OP posts:
MrsLeighHalfpenny · 22/10/2015 13:06

Sometimes enforcing rules is hard.

You have a reason not to do anything anyone has suggested OP. As someone above said, you need your big girl pants, and you need to be prepared to go through some short term discomfort for long term gain. Broken washing machines are added to the cost of rent.

Don't buy her toiletries, and make sure your own are unobtainable, even if this means taking them to work with you!

If she doesn't pay on the due date, I would withdraw one service at a time, ever 4-5 days or so (ie cumulatively) until money is forthcoming.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 22/10/2015 14:08

She could, but she'd prob break my machine, on purpose,

washing machines are quite hard to break, unless she put bricks in it.

Mrscog · 22/10/2015 16:24

I agree it's going to be hard. What are her long term plans? There aren't many people who work 8 hours a week! How much have you said? I wonder if the amount is intimidating because it's quite high. Could you start off with some sort of 'tarrif' system where she pays you a % of what she earns? So for the next few months you get 50% of what she earns.

dreamingofsun · 22/10/2015 17:06

we just told our son he had to pay 25 a week. percentage of pay we decided against as we felt it encouraged hime to do minimum hours. as it was he did do fairly low hours but eventually decided it wasn't for him and is now at uni. decide what you want her to do and charge accordingly and ignore any moaning

Original poster
TuTru · 22/10/2015 20:29

£30 per week, which is "way too much, and never gonna happen" she said today.
I think it's a bargain tbh. I asked some other people what they, or their kids pay and some were more but none were less than that.
She's well able to be earning 6 times that a week if she puts the hours in. I just don't understand her.
Anyway, today she's been to apply for a hostel saying I'm forcing her to move out. I told her she can stay as long as she likes but it's £30 a week.
The saga continues...
I think it's getting me down more than it is her, but I wouldn't want her to feel down. I just want her to see it realistically. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
TuTru · 22/10/2015 20:30

I thought about the % thing, but she wouldn't see that as encouragement to work more. She'd just stay low to pay low.

OP posts:
PennyHasNoSurname · 22/10/2015 20:34

I think you are doing the right thing. Something needs to change and she doesnt seem the most mature and needs a shock to her system.

Stand firm.

ivykaty44 · 22/10/2015 20:34

Way to much and never gona happen

Sky, Netflix, WiFi all cost way over £30 per week and when she asks for the codes etc, just tell her way to expensive for youGrin

Mrscog · 22/10/2015 20:43

Yeah £30 per week seems reasonable to me. I can't really help as I can't really get my head around that way of thinking - the time I lived at home (even when I was contributing a bit) was the wealthiest in terms of cash to splash I've ever been. I did a crazy amount of extra shifts - as a 16 year old care assistant, one month I earnt about £900!

Original poster
TuTru · 22/10/2015 22:27

This is it. I had a weekday full time job, I also done a weekend job on top and I volunteered as a special constable, I've never not worked. All my family have been workers not shirkers, I've always explained that's how you get money to spend on the things you want & need. She seems determined to prove me wrong.
Her father has money ready for her to learn to drive but she's refusing to do so. She says she needs that money to move out with. But when I tell her she'll need a proper full time job before any landlord will rent to her, and defo not sell. She's just like "yeah yeah"
I think she's only going to learn the hard way.

OP posts:
sweetheart · 23/10/2015 09:47

I think it's a pretty sad state of affairs that she's got to 18 and still has no concept of money! I do wish the schools would add financial education into the curriculum but I also feel as parents we are responsible for giving our children a financial education. From your posts I think you have bigger problems that just the rent argument. My dd is only 15 but she understands that she has to contribute to the house to pay her way and she also understands that dh and myself work hard to earn money to pay for our lives and would never expect for things to be handed to her on a plate. She is already saving for her own car.

Original poster
TuTru · 23/10/2015 14:46

Do you? What do you mean?
I am worried about her, but I just don't know what to do.

OP posts: