How do you make them pay housekeeping

[TuTru]

My 18 yr old DD just got thrown out of college for bad attendance. Despite pretending to go.
Anyway, I said fine but you have to pay rent from now on.
She's disputing the amount with me, she works 8 hrs a week atm but could work loads more, always turns down the work.
I said "well you have to work more so that you can pay, or you move out"
She just says no she won't pay.
What do I do? I'm reluctant to throw her out, but I think that's the only way she'll learn.
What do you all do?

[curiousc88t]

I would suggest some chores round the house as well as being employed & contributing

Gardening, hoovering, washing cars, walking dogs, cleaning, ironing, cooking, put bins out etc

If she is not going to contribute ask her to sell some unwanted "stuff" on Ebay or car boot

Perhaps you could ask if she choose the wrong course at college & is there anything else that she is interested in. perhaps she can join another course next year ?

What are her short and long term plans for the future ?

Sky and Netflix are luxuries

I think you need to stick to your deadlines and "fines"

Leaving college & working little needs to show some consequences

[TuTru]

I don't feel criticised, it's fine. I like it that people here are honest. I find all the answers to be supportive to be honest.

[dreamingofsun]

agree with travel. stand your ground, but anyone criticising on here probably has toddlers and not hormonal/insecure teenagers

[Travelledtheworld]

TuTru don't blame yourself. Her behaviour is not hour fault.
Some teenagers are just like that.
Good luck.

[TuTru]

yes you're all right.
I need to stand my ground now.
I can't actually afford not to, anyway.

[sugar21]

She has to learn that you are not her servant. Don't do her laundry, don't clean up after her, don't do anything for her.
When I was 18 I was living with my bf and had a baby to care for.
Your daughter needs to grow up and smell the coffee. If she goes to the hostel she'll wonder what's hit her

[BertieBotts]

I would stop doing washing and buying toiletries. That's not your responsibility, and it sounds like she needs to learn some.

Then these are contingent on rent being paid:

• Having food/meals cooked for her
  
• Wifi code
  
• Netflix Password
  
• Sky PIN
  

£30 a week is reasonable. I expect her friends pay similar.

Let her apply to the hostel :) I'm sure she'll get a wake up call whatever way that goes!

[TuTru]

Yes sadly she does act that way. My sister said she acts like she's been spoiled all her life even though she hasn't.

[sweetheart]

Tu, I don't wish to sound harsh or judgemental - but some things you have said about the way your dd speaks to you - she shows you zero respect! When you said she'd probably break your washing machine.....did you mean that? I can't imagine my children going out of their way to be destructive to such an extent to get there own way. Your dd sounds quite spoilt and entitled and like she needs to wake up to the real world and get a work ethic. I think if my dd behaved this way at 18 I actually would throw her out for being a brat.

[TuTru]

Do you? What do you mean?
I am worried about her, but I just don't know what to do.

[sweetheart]

I think it's a pretty sad state of affairs that she's got to 18 and still has no concept of money! I do wish the schools would add financial education into the curriculum but I also feel as parents we are responsible for giving our children a financial education. From your posts I think you have bigger problems that just the rent argument. My dd is only 15 but she understands that she has to contribute to the house to pay her way and she also understands that dh and myself work hard to earn money to pay for our lives and would never expect for things to be handed to her on a plate. She is already saving for her own car.

[TuTru]

This is it. I had a weekday full time job, I also done a weekend job on top and I volunteered as a special constable, I've never not worked. All my family have been workers not shirkers, I've always explained that's how you get money to spend on the things you want & need. She seems determined to prove me wrong.
Her father has money ready for her to learn to drive but she's refusing to do so. She says she needs that money to move out with. But when I tell her she'll need a proper full time job before any landlord will rent to her, and defo not sell. She's just like "yeah yeah"
I think she's only going to learn the hard way.

[Mrscog]

Yeah £30 per week seems reasonable to me. I can't really help as I can't really get my head around that way of thinking - the time I lived at home (even when I was contributing a bit) was the wealthiest in terms of cash to splash I've ever been. I did a crazy amount of extra shifts - as a 16 year old care assistant, one month I earnt about £900!

[ivykaty44]

Way to much and never gona happen

Sky, Netflix, WiFi all cost way over £30 per week and when she asks for the codes etc, just tell her way to expensive for you

[PennyHasNoSurname]

I think you are doing the right thing. Something needs to change and she doesnt seem the most mature and needs a shock to her system.

Stand firm.

[TuTru]

I thought about the % thing, but she wouldn't see that as encouragement to work more. She'd just stay low to pay low.

[TuTru]

£30 per week, which is "way too much, and never gonna happen" she said today.
I think it's a bargain tbh. I asked some other people what they, or their kids pay and some were more but none were less than that.
She's well able to be earning 6 times that a week if she puts the hours in. I just don't understand her.
Anyway, today she's been to apply for a hostel saying I'm forcing her to move out. I told her she can stay as long as she likes but it's £30 a week.
The saga continues...
I think it's getting me down more than it is her, but I wouldn't want her to feel down. I just want her to see it realistically.

[dreamingofsun]

we just told our son he had to pay 25 a week. percentage of pay we decided against as we felt it encouraged hime to do minimum hours. as it was he did do fairly low hours but eventually decided it wasn't for him and is now at uni. decide what you want her to do and charge accordingly and ignore any moaning

[Mrscog]

I agree it's going to be hard. What are her long term plans? There aren't many people who work 8 hours a week! How much have you said? I wonder if the amount is intimidating because it's quite high. Could you start off with some sort of 'tarrif' system where she pays you a % of what she earns? So for the next few months you get 50% of what she earns.

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

She could, but she'd prob break my machine, on purpose,

washing machines are quite hard to break, unless she put bricks in it.

[MrsLeighHalfpenny]

Sometimes enforcing rules is hard.

You have a reason not to do anything anyone has suggested OP. As someone above said, you need your big girl pants, and you need to be prepared to go through some short term discomfort for long term gain. Broken washing machines are added to the cost of rent.

Don't buy her toiletries, and make sure your own are unobtainable, even if this means taking them to work with you!

If she doesn't pay on the due date, I would withdraw one service at a time, ever 4-5 days or so (ie cumulatively) until money is forthcoming.

[TuTru]

She could, but she'd prob break my machine, on purpose, and then blame me for making her do her own washing.

[dreamingofsun]

she could do her own washing even when she pays. she's an adult now.

[MrsLeighHalfpenny]

Washing (I'd love not to have to do that)

Don't then.

[MrsLeighHalfpenny]

who's car does she use? Who pays petrol, insurance and tax for said car?