Reported to police for abuse by my 17 year old daughter

[marieisme123]

Hi. I won't go into huge detail to start with, will add more if necessary. During an arguement with my 17 year old daughter she recorded me on her tablet. Her boyfriend, who she was talking to on the tablet during the arguement, phoned the police and said I was abusing her. Resulted in a visit from 2 police officers, a paramedic and a social worker. Doesn't look like the police will be taking it any further. Any thoughts / advice?

I think she just wants me out of the way so she can do whatever she wants. The problems have involved: school refusal, drink, probably drugs, bad friends, worse boyfriends, self harm including overdose 2 years ago.

It wouldn't take long for the police to check your doctors notes to disprove her claims.

You are being bullied by your child.

I have had years of it - since she was 12. Tried everything to help. Nothing helps - it just gets worse and worse. After this latest incident I wonder what else she is capable of doing.

Did you post about this the other day OP? I seem to remember a very similar thread.

her father and have been seperated for 2 years. She is in touch with him at the moment but not me. He is just keeping me posted about where she is etc

Yes I did post the other day but didn't get any response. Tried again because I really would appreciate some advice

She is saying the worst thing she can say - the police won't do anything about it and she can say whatever she wants about that.

It would be better if you two did have some time apart. I hope your husband is backing you up and that if you have time without your daughter it helps your home get back to a calm and happy state.

I thought it rang a bell.

No advice to give really, just that it does sound as though you'd both benefit from some time apart. Also, teenagers can be horrible, but they do improve. The chances are in a couple of years she'll be looking back at her behaviour and cringing.

Honestly I think the best thing you could do for your own safety is not have her back in your house,not at least until she has sorted herself out.

We have 5DC,3 teenagers in the house I know how bloody truely awful they can be OP, I hope she turns her life around and starts treating you better

Well, thank you all for your comments and advice. it seems will have to just leave it until she decides to contact me or come back. I do worry what she is saying to her boyfriend and his family though. What I find so hard to understand is that she actually wanted me to be sectioned. She must know what that would involve.

There isn't really much you can actually do, love.

Except make it clear your door is open if she wants to build some bridges again.

Do you know the boyfriend's family at all. Do you think she'll be ok there for now?

I do wonder if her and her BF have some weird idea about getting you out of the way so that they can live, uninterrupted, under your roof.

As others have said, do nothing. What happened was probably pre-planned to get you removed from the house.

Donot try to contact her, wait for her to approach you. Under the circumstances I'd also consider changing the door locks to prevent unauthorised access by the BF.

AF is right. There isn't anything you can do about it. It's not easy, but you have to step back because trying to mend fences now won't work and will probably make things worse. Just make sure she knows you will always be her mum and will always be there if she needs you.

And give yourself a break. You must be exhausted, be kind to yourself.

How must she know? She'll have no idea, teens can tend to have much less empathy - they do go through a stage of it, plus a total lack of understanding long-term consequences.

She's out of the house, that's the important thing. You've tried everything and it didn't work. Just give her total space until she grows up a bit and can see how it really was. Anything else is just going to make things worse. Time is your friend here.

Yes, you are better off with her out of the house. I went to school with a girl who reported her mum to 'get back at her'. Looking back at it now it's basically because her mum had boundaries and she didn't like them.

Give it time, and be kind to yourself.

To DameMargaret. That is how i feel but it all sounds so bizarre - like I'm being paranoid. I feel it was planned because I remember at one point during the arguement, after she had said about me being pychotic, that she went silent, turned her back on me, and was on her tablet, like she was messaging. She was on her tablet during the whole arguement. Obviously to BF.

To TrexingIn Asda: She would know because she has a dark facination with mental health problems and the mental health system. She has 'friends' who have been sectioned for self harm. She goes on websites. She has told be all about it in the past.

Can she go and live with her father instead?
It seems like she is being seriously nasty to you and in your position I'd actually be frightened of her and unwilling to live with her given that there is a good alternative, her living with her dad.

I can't offer any advice, but perhaps reassurance & light at the end of the tunnel

We knew a family who went through very similar, all of what you say in your later posts too, school refusal, drink, drugs etc, years if hell. Though in that case it was the DF who the DD reported to the police for abuse after she came home very drunk at 14 & he tried to discipline her & get her into her room - she fell & bruised herself & rang the police saying she had been beaten by DF.

They did end up with SS involved for a while, but SS were actually a big support to the family during their DDs nightmare teen years.

Roll forward a few years to her early twenties & she actually turned out okay, got herself a decent job, works hard & is now a lovely young woman who rarely drinks etc & deeply regrets what she put her family through.

It's awful what she is done no to you, but it will get better, like everything else, it's a phase xx

Yes, I am frightened of her because I don't know what she will do next. I think I may see if she can go and live with her dad. he is on his own but only a one bedroom flat. Also he can't handle her any better than me. I don't know. Does anyone think I should involve social services?

You know what.
Let her go.

My dd was younger and I got lambasted for it. But she ran away to her mates, citing abuse and other shit. How I needed sectioning and I was mental (is there a weird teen book we are unaware of?)
Life would be so much better. Her mates could do as they wanted. No curfew. No boundaries. No fuck all.
So off she went.

Ss at first we're go home. But as I said to them how is her living her, lying, being manipulative, being verbally abusive and threatening good for any of us and especially her younger brother.

During the time she was away I sent a single text every day. Just hi, how are you? Nothing more. Simple, but it also made her realise that I was still thinking about her.

Two months she was gone. Incidentally over the summer holidays and the first few weeks of term. When reality hit.

She thought that she could just move in. Ha. She had to earn her trust. Which she did.

HAng in there. She wants to live with the bf and his family. They will soon realise what she is like. Don't get into any heated discussions with her. She will try to get a rise out of you to show them that you are crazy.. If your phone allows, set a message so you can reject the call and she will get a message - busy, text me.