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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS has rescued a teenage girl who lost her friends. Now what?

142 replies

CQ · 04/07/2015 23:52

He's in town with a group of friends, big event in our town this weekend so lots of teenagers milling about. Friends (all boys) coming back to stay as arranged. All 16.

DS has just called to ask if it's ok for a girl to come and crash. She's 16, he knows her from school, she's lost her friends in town and can't get home.

I've told him she needs to call her parents and give them my number so they can call me and verify.

But how will I know she's done this? I can put her in a spare room but I won't be able to hear if there's any 'corridor creeping' going on after I'm in bed.

As the mother of a girl I really want to talk to this girls parents. What if she doesn't want me to? I can hardly chuck her out, I want her to be safe. But she might really not want her parents to know she's been so daft. But I would want to know.

WWYD?

They are on their way now - about 15 mins on foot.

I'm putting pizzas in the oven to soak up the alcohol.

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 20:38

Nooka it matters in that nobody (OP, the girl) knew where jane was so lets say jane panicked and phoned the girl's parent saying she couldnt find her or jane turned up at home without her and janes parents phoned the girl's parents to check if she was there, or even jane didnt turn up at home and her parents called the girl's parents to see if they had both gone there. I was a 16 year old girl once and got into all sorts of fixes, i know how thoughtless some of them can be and how much worry it can cause the parents. I'm not saying the girl's parents were panicking or about to call the police, or even did but OP or the girl didnt know either way and a quick call would have made sure they werent. I dont think it's a big ask tbh.

FuckitFay · 05/07/2015 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 05/07/2015 20:50

But CurlySue the OP said that the girl had already spoken/had text communication with both 'jane' and her own parents that night (possibly before getting to the OP's house). So everyone knew where she was. It's only if the girl had lied about both that there was an issue surely? That would have meant the OP publicly doubting the girl and getting her parent's phone number off her and ringing them herself. I don't think I'd do that for a sixteen year old. I would for a friend off dds (14) but then I'd not expect her age group to be free roaming yet (or at least not at middnight).

Iflyaway · 05/07/2015 20:56

Op, I think you did the right thing, never mind the hysteria on here....

I've been through the teenage terror years, and yes, I would have asked her to phone her parents or for the nr. to phone them myself but if she didn't/have her phone, what can you do but offer her safety for the night.?

Yes, and good idea to offer food to offset the alcohol my freezer wouldn't have had them when needed!

I've had loads of sofasurfers/matresses on the living room floor accommodating DS's uni friends who were away from home (different cities/abroad). Often last-minute on their way to a night out. I never turn them away.

I guess all the nay-sayers on here have the most perfect teenagers who never set a foot wrong

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 20:57

That would have meant the OP publicly doubting the girl and getting her parent's phone number off her and ringing them herself.

Apart from the "publicly doubting her" part (she could have taken her aside in private where nobody would have known) I don't think there would be anything wrong with doing that.

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 21:00

Ok please can you explain which comments you mean by hysteria? (And same again to all those referring to pear clutchers)

iflyaway the girl did have her phone, also university students is quite different from 16.

TheBreeze · 05/07/2015 21:02

All sounds OK OP, the hardest years are those between 16 and 18, I guess there will be a few more eventful evenings yet

crispandfruity · 05/07/2015 21:08

OP, you did the right thing. I have teens and we have an informal friday/Saturday night crash pad in our living room for waifs, strays and invited guests.

AgentProvocateur · 05/07/2015 21:14

CQ, I have 18 and 19 year old boys, and I'd have done the same as you.
As I so often say on similar threads, many scottish children are at uni at 16, and they could also be married. I think the bosom hoikers must have younger children, or overprotected teens.

StonedGalah · 05/07/2015 21:16

OP you and your ds did the right thing. Wow, so many posters on mn didn't drink when they were 16 . I was drinking at that age and my parents knew but it meant l didn't lie to them which I'm tipping a lot of dc are doing here

MrsPigling · 05/07/2015 21:29

I can't believe you made pizza (tesco or otherwise!). Not sure I'd have gone to that much effort. It was always tea and toast in my day

As for your unexpected house guest. I've got teen girls. They're not always the most sensible of things and that's when sober... I can easily imagine them getting separated from friends and ending up in this situation.

Good for you for not turning it into a major drama

MinesAPintOfTea · 05/07/2015 21:35

Has everyone forgotten Euan Blair??

TheBreeze · 05/07/2015 21:38

Iirc when I was 16 I had to be in about 2am at the weekend and would often hitch hike with my freinds to the bigger towns to go out. I always used to hope that my parents would be asleep if I rolled in a bit late, no mobile phones then or people checking you were 18 so you could go into a pub. DH left home at 16 and lived in a bedsit and also used to go out to the pub. I think the difference then is that most 16 year olds used to work full time whereas now they seem to be at school forever and mollycoddled.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 06/07/2015 07:16

I haven't read the whole thread but I wanted to say well done op. My mum was 'liberal ' and always said "I'd rather know the truth about what you're up to and not like it than you lie to me "
It meant that when we did get out of our depths , missed a bus or needed advice for ourselves or our friends it meant we could actually call my mum to rescue us because she actually knew what we were really doing.
I hope to nurture the same honest and open relationship with my children.

Floundering · 06/07/2015 07:22

Well the OP made the call with the info she had at the time & at an hour most of us wouldn't be up let alone thinking straight. The girl was safe & no shennanigans went on so all good.

Rascalls3 · 06/07/2015 16:06

I am definitely in the 'well done op' camp... but then my 3 daughters are 19- 22 years old!!! Some posters are making such a drama out of this. You lot need to chill out!

whois · 08/07/2015 20:46

I'm also thinking 'well done OP'. No major drama and all was well.

As to making pizza, very sensible and I'm sure much appreciated. I always remember staying at a friends house when we were 17 and going or drinking, when we got back there were two big portions of lasagna out on the table and garlic bread to be heated up in the microwave!

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