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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS has rescued a teenage girl who lost her friends. Now what?

142 replies

CQ · 04/07/2015 23:52

He's in town with a group of friends, big event in our town this weekend so lots of teenagers milling about. Friends (all boys) coming back to stay as arranged. All 16.

DS has just called to ask if it's ok for a girl to come and crash. She's 16, he knows her from school, she's lost her friends in town and can't get home.

I've told him she needs to call her parents and give them my number so they can call me and verify.

But how will I know she's done this? I can put her in a spare room but I won't be able to hear if there's any 'corridor creeping' going on after I'm in bed.

As the mother of a girl I really want to talk to this girls parents. What if she doesn't want me to? I can hardly chuck her out, I want her to be safe. But she might really not want her parents to know she's been so daft. But I would want to know.

WWYD?

They are on their way now - about 15 mins on foot.

I'm putting pizzas in the oven to soak up the alcohol.

OP posts:
madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 15:33

Very grateful for a sensible parent to take my 16yo in, but extremely unhappy with said 16yo who decided to latch on to a group of drunk guys and follow them home instead of calling me?
This stuff is all a normal part of growing up - but we all have a part to play in ensuring the young teens are doing it sensibly. If they are going to drink, and get themselves separated from their friends, they do have to learn that the sensible thing to do is fess up and call home. This particular group of lads do seem sensible enough, what if next time she latches on to a completely different group of 16yo drunks whose parents happen to be away that weekend?
Not trying to spoil my dd's fun, just ensure she realizes that the sensible thing to do is call me. Or take a flipping cab to wherever her friend lives.

Teacherinatutu · 05/07/2015 15:35

Did it work out okay op?

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 15:36

'Oh, silly me! I is drunk and lost my friends! I know, I can see John from my math class and they have beer! I will go home with them!'

I'd much rather my dd thought 'oh fuck. Where the hell is Jane? I'll give it another half an hour texting and trying to find her and then I'll have to decide whether to get a cab to her house or call my mum. Better sober up.'

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 15:37

Work out okay in what sense? Confused

Kvetch15 · 05/07/2015 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GahBuggerit · 05/07/2015 15:47

oh deary me, biggest sponge story ive heard in years this! i think ive got 16 year old socks with less holes. and you fell for it.......

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 15:56

'No, no Emma, you don't need to find Jane or call your mum, you can come with us to Kev's - we have beer and pizza! Your mum won't be worried, she thinks you're at Jane's. C'mon, it will be fun! Just text Jane and tell her, you can get your stuff in the morning. Have another beer!'

Such a hero.

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2015 15:59

Much reading between the lines and assumptions I see.

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 16:03

And much experience of both being a teenage girl and parenting one. Grin

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 16:04

It takes a village to either raise a child, or to teach them that it's ok to get drunk and not tell your parents where you are Wink

Duckdeamon · 05/07/2015 16:04

Wow they sucked you right in didn't they!

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2015 16:05

I have a 16 year old boy and have been a 16 year old girl but wouldn't jump to conclusions.

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 16:31

Its not really jumping to conclusions though, its commin sense thinking. Teen turns up at your house you ask the obvious questions. Why are you here? Got lost. Where are you supposed to be? At janes. Called jane? Yes, no answer. Ok so if my son hadnt turned up what would you have done? Ummm, probably called my parents. Ok so call them now. Theyre not expecting me home tonight. Well plans change and youre their daughter, you need to go home.

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 16:32

common! Grin

TealFanClub · 05/07/2015 16:32

gasp at the drinking acceptance tbh

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/07/2015 16:38

Great of your DS and you to provide a safe haven for the girl last night. However why on earth did you not contact her parents when she showed up at yours last night? I would want to know where my teenager was!

SparklingCallisto · 05/07/2015 16:38

I think the "rescuing" talk is a bit weird, tbh. She's a peer from school, the same age, doing the same thing (underage drinking) that the boys were doing. She ended up with a different group of friends than she started out with. She's their equal, she isn't an injured little baby bird that they brought home in a shoebox Confused.

I get that she's the one who apparently lost her friends and needed somewhere to crash, but the type-casting of a 16 year old girl who shouldn't be out drinking, and her 16 year old male schoolfriend who shouldn't be out drinking, into damsel-in-distress and hero roles respectively leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

All those other boys who were supplied with pizza and a place to crash until morning... were they "rescued" as well?

NeedLegalAdvice · 05/07/2015 16:42

Why couldn't/didn't she just go home?

Am I missing something?

TealFanClub · 05/07/2015 16:42

why didnt she phone home?

Original poster
CQ · 05/07/2015 16:48

Trust me, the drinking is the least of my worries.

There is no right answer to this. It's a judgement call and everyone would do something different depending on their own values and past experiences. They all seem to be going slightly mad after GCSE's finished, it's a bloody minefield and DS is my eldest so I am dealing with new situations daily at the moment.

DH and I discussed this again in the cold light of day.

She told us her parents knew where she was. She had texted her friend so she was not worrying. I made sure she had a bedroom to herself and stayed up until they were all sound asleep. I slept with my bedroom door open and I am a VERY light sleeper.

If this girl wants to lie to her parents then that's between her and them. I made sure she was safe and that's good enough for me.

They all went off early this morning to work at this big event. We will have a family talk about it tonight.

Maybe I am a mug, maybe next time I will play it differently, but I dealt with the situation as calmly and firmly as I could at the time.

I wish you all luck with your sixteen year olds Grin

OP posts:
Rifugio · 05/07/2015 16:48

Gosh it must be lovely having such liberal mums like the OP! making them pizza to soak up the alcohol don't know wether to laugh or cry.

pinkyredrose · 05/07/2015 16:48

She lost her mates and met your DS and his mates and none of them had phones to use to find her mates or get her home? A bunch of 16yr olds -no phones?

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2015 16:49

All the after prom parties I know of have included alcohol. But it isn't mandatory to drink any.

TealFanClub · 05/07/2015 16:50

but why didnt she go home?

TealFanClub · 05/07/2015 16:52

and i have a sixteen year old.

think you were a mug and an enabler to a degree.

DS has rescued a teenage girl who lost her friends. Now what?