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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Coping with adult women now turning attention to DS

113 replies

ang1967 · 29/03/2015 00:24

DS has always been cute (yes every mother says that I know) with big blue eyes and scruffy brown hair but he always drew attention from adult women from about age 14 upwards. Now he is 19 nearly 20 and I am increasingly aware of uncomfortable attention from women my age...

Factor in that he is not particularly tall or muscly; facially he looks more like James McAvoy than.. the Rock or Hulk Hogan per se... which makes him look younger than he is...

Am I being paranoid here or is this creepy?

OP posts:
306235388 · 29/03/2015 00:34

Well it is a bit .... Weird but he's an adult so I don't think you need to get too worked up about it tbh.

I know much older men looked at me when I was younger but I was never bothered by it. I don't mean they leered at me but just I don't know I was aware of it. Those days are long gone!

What is it you're worried about? I have quite a few friends whose husbands are approaching 50 and we are early 30s. They've been together years and years.

Coyoacan · 29/03/2015 00:40

Surely your adult son's sex life is his own business

Original poster
ang1967 · 29/03/2015 00:46

Look I don't mind him having relationships with girls his age, I'm not a complete bore, but am I going insane feeling uncomfortable with women in their mid-40s targetting him?

OP posts:
Nanny13 · 29/03/2015 00:47

His an adult.

Get over it

sqibble · 29/03/2015 00:48

Creepy - are they your friends?

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 00:48

I have a son that age and I am more concerned about why he spending his leisure time out with you, so that you even get to see all these older women paying him attention.

Why is he going to places where women see him and want to flirt with him, with you in tow? Confused I find that more creepy to be honest.

Or perhaps it's just the kind of women you hang out with? I can see objectively that some of my son's friends are good looking lads but it wouldn't occur to me in a million years to flirt with them. Hmm

Dumpylump · 29/03/2015 00:50

What do you mean "targeting him"?

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 00:53

How do you know they are targeting him though? Why are you there to see it? Are you one of those sad people who goes out clubbing and drinking with your children and their mates?

Original poster
ang1967 · 29/03/2015 00:53

I don't go out with him in his leisure time. He no longer lives at home.

OP posts:
senrensareta · 29/03/2015 00:54

I would not have believed this happened but a friend of mine has had exactly this with her very handsome son. She has even had to distance herself from a couple of so-called friends who behaved inappropriately

No advice but best wishes. I know it is not easy

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 00:54

so how do you know this then? Where do you see it? Confused

Original poster
ang1967 · 29/03/2015 00:56

I still see him from time to time though and it ruins the occasion when he is accosted by some drunk cow on a hen night.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 29/03/2015 00:57

So what do you mean, exactly?

Do white vans full of cackling wankers pass him and sound their horn? Try being the parent of a teenage girl.

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 00:58

then I think you are going to the wrong places. Confused

When I meet up with my sons we go out for lunch, or I cook for them, we don't hit the pubs and clubs full of pissed up people. We want to talk, not yell at one another across a sticky dance floor.

Original poster
ang1967 · 29/03/2015 02:00

I'll recap.

DS has, since the age of about 15 drawn attention from adults. Now he is no longer living at home, but it just irks me that women my age think it is appropriate to flirt and in some cases be quite aggressive towards a teenager.

It has ruined one or two occasions including a cousins wedding and it annoys me that people think it acceptable when he is clearly meant for girls his own age.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 29/03/2015 02:05

Well, it doesn't make it right, but as someone said all that is power for the course when it comes to teenage girls. If it happens so often he must have developed techniques for dealing with it.

BitOfFun · 29/03/2015 02:05

I can see it bothers you, but as I said, compare it to the inappropriate attention teenage girls get. Which also carries the very real possibility of assault.

Yes, it's unpleasant. But it's not anything like as bad as what girls routinely face.

BitOfFun · 29/03/2015 02:08

Not that pointing this out will make you feel less uneasy, but it's just life, isn't it?

The way you post about it makes it sound like you think he's a unique target. He isn't. And he's much less of one than ANY girl his age.

Original poster
ang1967 · 29/03/2015 02:12

I suppose. I know I should let him go...

Only thing I would point out is that people get angry when it comes to girls. Can't imagine any one of DH's friends making a passing comment about DD and getting anything less than a cold stare.

DH even laughs however when a woman does it to his own boy

OP posts:
soontobemumofthree · 29/03/2015 02:16

It sounds creepy when adults were 'interested' in your 14, 15 yr old. But now he is nearly 20 he will just have to deal with unwanted attention. Do you think he is able to be assertive he needs?

Just like in an interaction between any two adults it is prob ok to express interest in another but then to back off if it isn't wanted, whatever the age.

Are you more embarrassed that these women think they have a shot?

glittertits · 29/03/2015 02:19

he is clearly meant for girls his own age.

Consenting adults can date other consenting adults, of any age. Whilst you might not like that, he can choose to shag anybody that wants to shag him over the age of 16. Sorry, but get over it.

BitOfFun · 29/03/2015 02:21

That's the patriarchy for you though, isn't it? It's all nudge nudge wink wink when it comes to boys, because they're expected to enjoy the attention. Implicit in this response is the 'privilege' of it being relatively safe, with the knowledge that, with maturity, the boys mature into men and go on to call the shots, sexual dominance-wise.

It's tacky and crass, but the worst aspect of this dynamic is how it plays out regarding young women. They are taught their place in society from an early age.

BitOfFun · 29/03/2015 02:25

What I mean to say is that this macho culture endorses young men being leered at as amusing, but it actually positions young women as prey.

Just one more reason to support changing things.

Original poster
ang1967 · 29/03/2015 02:25

glittertits

its still disgusting. imagine being 21 years old and knowing you would bed someone who hasn't been born yet

OP posts:
Original poster
ang1967 · 29/03/2015 02:27

BitOfFun

Yes I agree. You'll never see feminist women cradle snatching.

OP posts: