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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Coping with adult women now turning attention to DS

113 replies

ang1967 · 29/03/2015 00:24

DS has always been cute (yes every mother says that I know) with big blue eyes and scruffy brown hair but he always drew attention from adult women from about age 14 upwards. Now he is 19 nearly 20 and I am increasingly aware of uncomfortable attention from women my age...

Factor in that he is not particularly tall or muscly; facially he looks more like James McAvoy than.. the Rock or Hulk Hogan per se... which makes him look younger than he is...

Am I being paranoid here or is this creepy?

OP posts:

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 12:20

Can you be a bit more specific about exactly what kind of 'things' have 'going on' since he was a boy?

I mean, I have three strapping sons of teenaged years and upwards, I think they are good looking lads, they certainly seem to get plenty of attention from girls and I've been told many times on how handsome they are by friends etc., but can honestly say I have never felt even once that they are attracting inappropriate or unwanted attention of a predatory or sexual nature.

I'm starting to wonder if you are imagining it to be honest. Are you finding it hard to deal with the fact he has grown up and turned his attention away from Mummy and onto other women?

I'm also still a bit cynical about why you seem to spend do much time in his company in social settings where there are other 30 and 40 something women around, who are prepared to approach him and flirt with him in your presence. It really is most odd.

dementedma · 29/03/2015 12:23

My friend lost his virginity at 15 to a 40 year old next door neighbour, who came round nd seduced him! I was pretty shocked at that one but he seems to have fond memories of it!

ivykaty44 · 29/03/2015 12:25

I have two DDS and they have to decide whether they like the person hitting on them, not for me to police or judge

Whatever the person is like...old, young, same sex or opposite sex is none of my business

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 12:25

Came round and seduced him? That would usually be called statutory rape of a minor, wouldn't it?

Oh no - hang on, he's a boy. Only a man can rape a boy apparently.

HoraceCope · 29/03/2015 12:26

i think op was talking about a wedding.

EatShitDerek · 29/03/2015 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 12:27

Yes but that is a one off event. Then she mentioned a drunken woman on a hen do. And she talks as though it has happened many times over the last 5 years or so, since he was 14 or 15.

HoraceCope · 29/03/2015 12:27

PacificDogwood · 29/03/2015 12:29

He is not a minor, he's 19, almost 20.

Thinking about unwanted (older) male attention many teenaged girls get - yes, v common and quite unsavoury but part of life.

I agree with DailyFail, what 'things' have been 'going on'?

I cannot get a handle on whether you think he is in some kind of vulnerable position, pursued by predatory mature women, or whether the problem lies within how over invested you are in your adult son's personal life? Genuinely confused.

Mitzi50 · 29/03/2015 12:30

My son (17 yrs) works in a restaurant - he has no interest in the older women who flirt with him (as he is far more interested in the waitresses) and they would probably be horrified at his scathing comments about drunk middle aged women. I don't actually think it's any of your business though.

Nanny13 · 29/03/2015 12:30

Women flirting with him ruined a wedding??
Really?
Please explain?

Nanny13 · 29/03/2015 12:33

When I was 17, i lost my virginity to a 28 year old man.
I knew him since I was 1, he was 12... Obviously he didn't have feelings for me then.
He was lovely. And a little bit of me, still loves him.
I still talk to him now, 14 years later

Joyfulldeathsquad · 29/03/2015 12:36

[shock

Op I think you have control issues towards your son.

If this was a DF posting about his dd people would be calling you creepy

TheGirlFromIpanema · 29/03/2015 12:38

I can see how friends flirting with grown dc would be weird; but random older people flirting with legally grown man I wouldn't get concerned about.

If it was aggressive or pushy unwanted attention it would be just as awful as any other age group receiving the same, iyswim.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/03/2015 12:41

My DS(21) has dealings with flirty older women in his job. He laughs it off.

My DD(19) has dealings with flirty older men in her job. She finds it extremely annoying and sometimes intimidating.

I don't worry about DS at all. But I am angry on DD's behalf.

GinAndSonic · 29/03/2015 12:42

I was recently asked out with by a woman 22 years older than me. I said no, and its a bit weird as shes a friend, but im not disgusted by her, even though shes the same age as my mum. I just dont fancy her.

Fairenuff · 29/03/2015 12:44

OP you seem to be saying that he isn't bothered about it.

So, adult male not offended by attention from older women.

Not exactly headline news is it?

You sound almost jealous that they are trying to attract his attention.

GinAndSonic · 29/03/2015 12:47

I think you need to distance yourself from this concern about your sons sex life tbh. Its creepier than older women flirting.

I have to say, i think ive probably eyed up teenage boys, so many of them are so tall and look older, ive definitly done a double take when i realised the good looking guy of about 20 was wearing a school blazer, so clearly not 20. I wouldnt be trying it on with them though. Im only 28 though... ten years is an ok age gap?

HagOtheNorth · 29/03/2015 12:49

Tinkly, how can you help your DD learn how to rebuff unwanted advances?
And deal with the nasty responses she might get?

Original poster

ang1967 · 29/03/2015 12:54

Yes in that case it would be ok

OP posts:

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/03/2015 12:57

Hag I have no idea. She works in a club, so add alcohol in to the mix, and it is often difficult for her. She is a toughie though, doesn't take any nonsense and is quick to walk away from potential trouble.

On the plus side, when she goes to Uni in September, I imagine dealing with the boys will be a doodle.

lunar1 · 29/03/2015 12:59

I think for me it would bother me if it was friends that had known my boys as children. But if they had met as adults then it would be different.

HagOtheNorth · 29/03/2015 13:03

Yes Tinkly, DD honed her skills at uni and is imparting them to DS.

HoraceCope · 29/03/2015 13:03

maybe as we are all women we ought to ask a man's perspective on the matter.
seem to no like attention of older men to 19 year old girls but you lot seem to laugh off attention of older women to 19 year old boys

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 29/03/2015 13:05

There's a double standard here. Girls get leered at & that's absolutely not okay, but when women leer at her son OP is being told she shouldn't be so possessive?

At 19 he still has a lot of growing up to do & a lot of life to experience. It's definitely creepy for these women to be leering & objectifying him. If they are your friends they've seen him grow up I presume?

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