Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I've had my DD 16 arrested - I feel like shit

130 replies

Doinmummy · 05/12/2014 03:20

After many many problems with my DD 16 I has her arrested today. I feel like shit. We're undergoing a programme called MST and it's really really tough. She blew up at me one time too many, I has to leave the house in just my dressing gown.

When I came home I found my daughter gone , my bedroom trashed along with the Christmas tree smashed to pieces. She's also found and taken all her Christmas presents with her.

OP posts:
WillkommenBienvenue · 09/12/2014 22:31

How long have you had a lodger? She must hate that, does she?

Mintyy · 09/12/2014 22:31

Doin - with the greatest of respect, you are enabling her behaviour.

What the actual fucking fuck are you doing sitting in McDonalds?!?!

You just can't see it, can you?

You should not be arranging apprenticeships for her, you should not be arranging places for her to stay, etc etc etc.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 09/12/2014 22:40

Mintyy , I am fully aware that I am enabling her , I know exactly what I should be doing . Just for tonight I've had enough . It's so easy to give advice , which I do appreciate I really do.

I'm human, my mum has recently had a stroke , my dad is recovering from bowel cancer. I've been in hospital with kidney stones that still play up and I have in the last few weeks been called as a witness in an historical paedophile case . I've had to attend police stations to give video evidence etc .

I've had enough

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 09/12/2014 22:45

Sorry I am with minty and I speak from experience. I had my 14year old arrested for domestic violence and sectioned.
With the greatest of respect grow a pair and go home. She walks all over you as you allow it.

Selks · 09/12/2014 22:48

Where will you go tonight though? If you want to pm me which town you are in I can have a look online for hotels that might be near you with space (let me know your max budget) and pm you back, if that would help.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 09/12/2014 22:48

Where will you be sleeping???

Are you safe?

Selks · 09/12/2014 22:50

That is, if you REALLY can't go home. But I would advise go home if you possibly can.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 09/12/2014 22:51

I know you are all correct in what you are saying. I feel broken .

OP posts:
Original poster
Doinmummy · 09/12/2014 22:51

I can't think straight.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 09/12/2014 22:56

Doin - I've been on a lot of your threads. It feels like they have been going on for more than 18 months. I don't know what to advise you really as I have no experience. But whatever you are doing, IT ISN'T WORKING lovely.

This whole thread is buzzing with activity - what you are doing, what you are planning, who you have contacted, who you have phoned to take her, where you are now.

She deserved to be arrested. After that, foster care is the obvious answer isn't it? When will your dd ever learn that violence towards you is not going to solve anything?

WillkommenBienvenue · 09/12/2014 23:02

Well she's moved forward a couple of steps though hasn't she, with the counselling and with the friends so that's a positive. You didn't need to leave the house, it sounds like things are getting territorial. I thought she was staying with her half brother tonight as well? I would call SS and tell them about what happened with half brother. She is clearly cherry picking her support to get her back to her boyfriend. Sounds as though he does have quite a hold over her.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 09/12/2014 23:11

OP - Stay strong. You have done so well recently.

I'm really concerned that DD has already stolen Christmas presents - is there anything else she might take??

If her BF has a drug problem he'll be wanting funds to finance his habit - is your home safe.

If you're worried about going home ask the police to accompany you.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 10/12/2014 04:36

Thinking back this has been going on for a very long time.

I'm so deep in it , I can't see the wood for the trees .

I'm still in McDonald's , the staff have been lovely - plying me with free hot chocolate and muffins. One member of staff has had a similar problem with her daughter and has given me the number of a supervised housing place which I shall look into.

I'm past caring if anything gets stolen from my house.

As I was leaving home tonight my daughter showed me her arm - it's covered in cuts - she so needs help and I hope she stands by what she said about seeing someone who can help get to the bottom of whatever is troubling her .

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 10/12/2014 05:47

You have been bullied out of your house by a child and I am shocked that you think it's ok. GO HOME!!
For your relationships sake she needs to move out.

Allice · 10/12/2014 07:02

I have no advice but I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Travelledtheworld · 10/12/2014 12:24

Where are you today Doin ?
I have followed your previous threads.
You are pushing yourself to the limits. You have been fighting this battle too long.
Your own health and well being is suffering again now.
Claim back your house and if she wants to go stay with BF or Half Brother, then let her go.

HesNotAMessiah · 10/12/2014 12:58

I too am very concerned for you health Doin.

You need to restore yourself In your home and take back control.

If your DD genuinely wants help then you must say to her that you will support her in anything but its under your house rules.

Just think about this, would you be doing the same if she was 20, 21 or 22?

Or would you be saying leave, and find yourself somewhere to live if you don't like it here?

It's not her age that matters, it's the behaviour.

marne2 · 10/12/2014 17:18

She needs help Doin, would she go to the gp with you? Can you explain to her that you want to help her but it maybe easier to do so if she is not under your roof ( you can still support her ). If she gets help now you can be involved with what's going on, leave it until she's 18 and you won't be able have a say in what happens.

Selks · 10/12/2014 22:38

How have things been today, Dooin?

mathanxiety · 10/12/2014 23:35

Are you back home, Doin?

I seem to remember this is not the first night you have been forced by DD to sleep in your car or sit up in cafe? Or am I thinking of someone else?

Original poster
Doinmummy · 11/12/2014 10:03

Hi all, yes Math , it is me , I have spent the night in my car before.

DD has agreed that she needs help and I am taking her to see a drugs and addictions counsellor this afternoon . She has also said she wants to see our GP so a bit of progress .

I tried to get a doctors appt for myself today but they have no appts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doinmummy · 11/12/2014 10:05

SS have said that they will NOT be able to find alternative accommodation for DD . Trying to navigate this system is sending me mad. I go round and round and round in circles.

OP posts:
Selks · 11/12/2014 13:54

Well that is progress with DD at least.
Social services will not be interested now she is back at home, but do make use of the MST if they are still involved. The other thing that might help is that in many areas parents can self refer for Family Support, might be worth seeing if that is available in your area, Google might tell you.
Good luck. Show DD plenty of love but stand strong with your own boundaries!

Original poster
Doinmummy · 11/12/2014 15:38

Ffs . Just getting ready to go to appt and DD gets call from BF he's been beaten up and DD now won't go to the appt

OP posts:
Selks · 11/12/2014 15:45

Tell her she can go afterwards