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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Y7 mixed sleepover

62 replies

Tzibeleh · 22/11/2014 12:29

Dd wants to invite 2 boys and 2 girls to have a sleepover for her 12th birthday party.

Personally, I don't have any issues with them all sleeping in the same room, but I don't know whether other parents would, or whether I'm being naive!

Opinions?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2014 12:41

I would be absolutely fine with it, but if I were you I guess I would have to discuss it with each parent because some may not like the idea.

Have you an idea that some if the parents involved won't be happy?

Original poster

Tzibeleh · 22/11/2014 13:04

I vaguely know one of the parents only.

Dd and the two friends that I know are still 'young'. I expect that the other two are as well.

OP posts:

Cerisier · 22/11/2014 16:12

I think it sounds fine, but agree that you should speak to the other parents. DD16 recently went on a mixed sleepover, it was fine, but I was a bit anxious beforehand.

TeenAndTween · 22/11/2014 16:33

Well, I wouldn't be too keen.

Not because at 12 I think anything inappropriate would happen, but because of the precedence setting.

If at any point over the next 5 years you would not let a mixed age sleepover occur / your DD go to one, I would play safe with a 'now you're at secondary sleepovers need to be single sex'.

But I'm probably in the minority, as I also don't like my DDs watching over age films either, which for some strange reason on here most people seem fine about.

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2014 16:45

What has watching over age films got to do with 12 year olds having a sleepover?

soaccidentprone · 22/11/2014 16:50

I don't think it's a problem.

They will all be 11, going on 12. I think children should be encourage to have friends of the opposite sex without it feeling 'sexual', or girlfriend/boyfriend.

As long as they are all given some privacy to change etc.

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2014 16:52

I have DSs of 15 and 13. If either of them wanted to go on a mixed sleepover it would be fine by me.

soaccidentprone · 22/11/2014 17:00

Ds1 (nearly 19) still has mixed sleepovers, which always includes his gf. As Long as you have brought your children up to have clearly defined boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.

Sometimes ds1's gf is the only female, but ds1 has always had lots of female friends. His bestie all through secondary was a female.

Honestly, what do you think is going to happen?

There will become a point when it does become uncomfortable, and would not be appropriate.

saintsandpoets · 22/11/2014 17:05

Ds1 (nearly 19) still has mixed sleepovers, which always includes his gf.

Thats a bit different isn't it - adults. Adults can do whatever they want.

You know who your son is going to be shagging. He won't be doing it at a sleepover though, he's an adult and can do it anytime he feels like.

Honestly, what do you think is going to happen?

Sexual contact that your kid isn't comfortable with, surely.

Theres nothing wrong in principle, but I have been wary since my then-13 year old sister was mutual masturbated whilst asleep by a 14 year old boy she had trusted previously. It ruined our family for a long time. This was 2007.

Obviously this is very extreme and uncommon - I'm just trying to explain where the concern comes from.

saintsandpoets · 22/11/2014 17:11

I'm worried I'm going to get horribly flamed for the above post, so I'm going to clarify. I agree that sex isn't on the agenda for 99% of kids at sleepovers. I agree that the vast majority of kids will be fine.

I was just trying to explain where the concern comes from, and tell you what happened to my family.

I'm not tarring all teenagers with that brush at all. It was the only incident I have ever heard of, it is just so sad that it happened to us and brings up a lot of feelings for me.

I agree with pp - ask the parents beforehand.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 22/11/2014 17:15

I don't think I'd be happy with DS going to a mixed sleepover at that age, can't quite say why, I'll have to have a think about that... but it'd be a no from me.

bigTillyMint · 22/11/2014 17:20

Mine (DD15 and DS13) have both been on mixed sleepovers and have had them here (both together with their friends - they all get on) Nothing untoward has gone on AFAIK, but I still feel a little bit worried when they are on mixed sleepovers at other houses.

Heyho111 · 22/11/2014 18:22

When mine had mixed sleepovers they all bunked in together. There wasn't a sleep time as they kept chatting all night.
One thing I did do which has nothing to do with it being mixed. Was to have the sleepover on a Friday night. That meant they didn't takeover the whole weekend.

PeaStalks · 22/11/2014 19:19

At 12 /13 I let DS1 go to mixed sleepovers. I also made it clear that this did not set a precedent and I would probably not agree to it if he had a gf or was older.
There were lots in Year7 and 8. Many in tents in gardens with a large group. He had some great times. Then they seemed to fizzle out.

Original poster

Tzibeleh · 22/11/2014 19:21

I'm inclined to allow it, and will speak to parents if they have any issues.

OP posts:

constantlyconfused · 22/11/2014 19:25

DD has had mixed sleepovers but now wants her new bf to sleepover . She can't understand why i won't allow that but have let her male friends stay so guess i made a rod for my own back now as no to bf!Then i get the "god im not going to do anything you think im a tart" which isn't the case but i'm not comfortable with it.
Its a personal choice what you do a tricky one some of her girlfriends recoil in horror at the thought.

Original poster

Tzibeleh · 22/11/2014 19:25

Saintsandpoets - that doesn't sound 'mutual' at all. It sounds like 'sexual assault', and ican see why it would make you feel uneasy.

Unless I know the kids involved very well, I think that mixed sleepovers may become inappropriate between about 13 and 16.

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 22/11/2014 19:31

Like constantlyconfused. Mine all went to mixed sleepovers at that age with no problem. The problem comes at 13/14 when they want the girlfriend to stay over and get cross about being put in separate rooms, because they are used to the mixed sleepovers being perfectly acceptable previously.

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2014 19:38

There is a huge difference between a mixed sleepover and wanting a BF/GF to stay over, they aren't the same thing.

mumofthreegirls80 · 23/11/2014 00:27

Is it just me? lol! I don't even allow my teens boys who are friends upstairs together! They are 13 and 14 now but never ever allowed it! I think it's too much privacy and would be really concerned about too much alone time! IReally surprised in how many parents allow it well I feel a bit over the top now

Viviennemary · 23/11/2014 00:32

There is no way I would allow this mixed sex sleepover at that age. It would certainly be a no from me.

usualsuspect333 · 23/11/2014 00:32

You don't allow your teenagers to have friends of the same sex up stairs?

I'd be fine with a mixed sleepover in year 7 .

usualsuspect333 · 23/11/2014 00:34

My kids had mixed sex sleepovers all through their teenage years [bad mum]

mumofthreegirls80 · 23/11/2014 00:47

Usualsuspect333 No there your kids lol! Everyone has different views on this. Some will and some won't. Doesn't make you bad at all

BadcatBertram · 23/11/2014 00:53

Sorry , iwouldn't allow this. It's totally your call but I wouldn't for so many reasons. I would certainly check with all the other parents involved before you agree to this - think you'll find they don't approve.

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