oh God my daughter is the most boring person I know

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

Seriously, her only topics of conversation for the past three years have been

1. herself

and

1. how awful a mother I am and how unlucky she is to have me for a mother.

First I was bemused, then I was hurt, now I am bored. She's been like this since 14.

it's BORING!!!!!

She never asks me a question about myself, never discusses anything, comments on anything in the news or places she's been or books she's read - nothing - it's just all about her (or awful me)

Sympathy anyone?

Yep they are definitely like big toddlers...DD1 swings from behaving like a 3 yr old to 13 to 23 and it is completely random...
And she can argue black is white and the reverse (drives DP insane and they tend to argue - I tend to laugh or just say I'm not arguing, this is what is going to happen - deal with it - and walk away )
I can see how my sense of humour may start to fail after a few years ...
But DD1 has been an incredibly difficult child - stubborn, awkward, oppositional, defiant - from being a tiny baby to toddler to pre-teen and actually - as long as it doesn't get much worse - this has been a lot easier than I expected ...(I know I'm so going to regret saying that)
I fear DD2 (obedient, placid, almost angelic) is going to turn into a nightmare from hell teen...

Same here unlucky - based on a toddlerhood and childhood from hell with DC1 (who has recently apologised profusely for his earlier behaviour, bless him!) including referrals to child psych, parenting classes, trips to the GP for mental health issues brought about by a pretty horrible time with him, we've actually not had it too bad. He's been stupid at times, but nothing like I imagined.

He decided earlier to bore me with explain to me how centrifugal force works on the body, having obviously nothing better to do - I had to rearrange my features into 'interested' when all I wanted to do was MN with a cup of tea . Conversations with teens are very much on their terms, aren't they?!

Oh gosh yes SirChenjin. If I dare to yawn or not show enraptured 100% total attention, my DD would flounce off telling me she could see I didn't want to know. Yes I was for the first thirty mins or whatever, but banging on about the same subject endlessly, I felt like I was being lectured and I think I am entitled to a yawn (especially as there was no interest in anything I said!)

OK - spoke to soon. He's been working up to a massive temper - I should have known by the obsessive centrifugal force story earlier when he was talking far too fast - and has now blown his top because a)I wouldn't drop everything and come and look at his CV and b)because I want to go to the Lake District on holiday next year. Apparently I am a fucker, an arsehole, there's no way he's coming with us, we always have shit holidays - and when I suggested he stays at home he blew his top some more, told us that was shit, then stormed upstairs and slammed the door.

He's just reappeared at the kitchen door after being sent to his room to have another go at me for not looking at his CV, demanding to know when I'm going to do it. Now he's pacing about upstairs, adrenalin pumping obviously.

I am utterly shattered with the stress of living with him, always wondering when he's going to blow his top. There are times when I really do not like my own son

Anyway, sorry for the thread hijack.

Sirchenjin have some Not much else anyone can say....
Hopefully this will be a distant memory in 10 yrs time (but it might well feel like 100 - or even 1000 yrs)
Maybe ask him where he would like to go on holiday if not the lake district
suggest that he could bring a friend or two along.
It is great he is almost grown up and you don't have to keep an eye on him all the time - you think now is the perfect time (before you are too old and it would be embarrassing ) to relive your misspent youth - topless dancing at raves in Marbella sounds fun....
or maybe a nudist holiday...

Yeah, that's what I should do - tell him I've rethought things and we're all going raving in Marbella . I did tell him to look online for a similar priced holiday as the Lake District one I found, but the only thing he came up with was £800 more expensive (that's for one week).

Well, he stormed out of the house and has now returned. Spent the last half an hour arguing some more with DH, then burst into tears and told me he's so stressed about "the future", what courses to apply for, and what University he should try for. I'm afraid I had no sympathy - I've had so many examples of this poor behaviour/crying afterwards over the years that I'm slightly immune to it now. I suspect his main concern is that I told him I wouldn't be giving him any money to take his girlfriend out for the anniversary lunch on Saturday as a result of the earlier behaviour.

What really hurts is that both DH and I work stressful f/t jobs, we have no outside help, we've got 3 kids, and we're both shattered. He's in with a group of really nice kids, but they all come from homes with lots of disposable income - they are all coming up to the age where they'll be learning to drive and have all been promised/have already got cars. We can't afford that for DS, nor can we afford the kind of holidays they all go on - and I feel that what we have is never enough for him.

Sorry - I realise I have completely hijacked this thread . Nothing more, I promise!

How old is he Sir?

SirChen, I recognise that so well. DS and his behaviour broke me last summer. I admire your patience. I didn't have enough.

16, nearly 17. It's not a new thing - he's been 'challenging' from an early age.

Oh don't get me wrong hag - after the second "fucker" I lost it with him a bit, I'm afraid.

DS is 21. Still at it. Not living with us this summer. Or speaking to us. His childhood sounds very like your DS's. We tried so hard and failed completely. DD is so different.

What happened hag, if you don't mind me asking?

Mines 19 now and much better, he was awful from 14-17. I dreaded answering the door at one point because of police visits.

It's so bloody draining

Oh crikey - that's awful Havana . What was the turning point for him, do you think?

Does anyone else have a 14yo who is so SELF IMPORTANT?

She actually pontificates at me. It would be funny if it didn't wind me up so much.

I had a lecture tonight on there being too big a bit of carrot in the soup. I told her I assumed she would be cooking all soups in the house from now on

If I disagree slightly with my son or say I don't like his attitude he acts like I've ended our relationship, that he can no longer talk to me , that I've caused long term psychological damage. The mood lasts for days with me. It is by far the hardest part of bringing up a child.

DD is the same if i try to offer help with homework I am "calling her thick" if i offer a compliment i get "you have to say that your my mum you don't mean it". If i dare to offer some constructive criticism god help me ! " i prefer the other bronzer but that looks nice" as she emerges the colour of an oompa loompa " your always saying im ugly your so horrible" .

My DD normally has no opinions on current affairs. But she is planning to vote the opposite way from us in the Scottish referendum - won't be 18, but will have a vote in the referendum. Apparently if the economy crashes we will just have to "work hard". This is ironic given that she refused to look for a summer job when she left school because she was already working for three hours a week and put minimal effort into her exams.

Also, half way through any suggestion I ever attempt to make (about anything) she will interrupt with a dismissive, "NO".

lucy I have had that when I tell her she looks beautiful etc ...but I MAY have found a cure (early days) - recently I said 'gosh you look really terrible today -are you ill? do you feel ok?'
After the strop I said something about well you usually look so stunning, I was worried about you and you know I'll always tell you the truth
She hasn't given me the 'well you are my mum, you have to say that' since (but still time yet....)

@ heyho111, "it's all over, I don't want to see you any more, it's you, it's not me".

That's a good tip unlucky83, to sometimes say "you look tired" so that they believe the compliments. If I compliment my dd I am sneered at. like what the hell would you know in your wallis cardigan.

This thread is very reassuring

good idea! I am to quick to reassure .Her make up will be the first honest conversation ! What is with the orange or pale as a sheet face with huge clumpy eyelashes!

He liked me today - needed a lift into town !