oh God my daughter is the most boring person I know

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

Seriously, her only topics of conversation for the past three years have been

1. herself

and

1. how awful a mother I am and how unlucky she is to have me for a mother.

First I was bemused, then I was hurt, now I am bored. She's been like this since 14.

it's BORING!!!!!

She never asks me a question about myself, never discusses anything, comments on anything in the news or places she's been or books she's read - nothing - it's just all about her (or awful me)

Sympathy anyone?

I think the tone of my comments were a response to how nasty i thought OP was being about her Daughter. I didnt set out to be mean, to make a point yes, (that it may not just be the DD that is the issue), but not to be mean. I responded with the tone i believed OP herself was using. If that was nasty its because that was the tone set by the OP in her post.

Bet she likes it when your boring purse is open.

I disagree - the OP expressed her frustration and appealed for sympathy from those of us who have teenagers or who have been through similar at some point. Your posts have just come across as snidey and mean Dia - "coherently maybe this time"? really?? - and haven't really contributed anything constructive.

Dumbledore Totally agree. Teenagers are growing away from you, finding their own feet, becoming independent (of a sort). But they are still children, looking at the world from their very own perspective, and not yours. So still, sympathy for OP - they all do it, and most of us feel the same hurt. It is all part of growing up, and sometimes you just have to imagine yourself in their shoes/head.

My heart does sometimes sink when son leaps at me with a YouTube video which we then have to watch, dissect and discuss at length (they usually have a political connotation and it's normally thrust upon me when I'm trying to do the accounts or am in the middle of cooking dinner)

Oh the YouTube, it's going to get worse?

Ds1 was awful, very little empathy, selfish, self centred, argumentative and overly interested in material things. He grew out of it thank fuck and is lovely to be around the majority of the time. Except first thing in the morning

The coherently comment was a response to a poster who was having a go.

OP might have been posting in frustration and seeking sympathy but she expressed it in a way that cam across as nasty. I'm not the only poster to have thought this.

Oh the YouTube, it's going to get worse?

Ohhh, YES

Ahem. I was not having a go, thank you.

She never asks me a question about myself, never discusses anything, comments on anything in the news or places she's been or books she's read - nothing - it's just all about her (or awful me)

Do you try and ask her about herself?
My teenager can be fairly self-centred as well, can't they all? If I make an effort to talk about stuff that interests her then we can have a good chat. She's good at talking about what interests her, we don't have many discussions about current events because she and I hold opposing views and it tends to end up with either a 'whatever' at best or a call to the UN peace keepers. I persevere though and sometimes we have a good old chinwag. Other times we just sit together and watch TV or go out somewhere. We don't talk so much but she enjoys the company and so do I.

I don't think anyone was 'having a go' - if it was Hot that the comment was aimed at then it seemed pretty obvious that she was being light hearted

HotPinkWeasel I don't think it's quite clear to anyone as to whom the "coherently" comment was directed. Probably not even you ???
Come back!!

Well maybe it was misinterpretation of intent/tone but it appeared to be having a go.

At the end of the day, as a parent, you have to listen to your teenager, no matter how boring the conversation is. All they are interested in is themselves, and what they think. My daughter is now almost 22 and she is much more interested in the rest of the family and alternative points of view. Hopefully son will not be too far behind (because he really is driving me potty at the mo)!!!

The selfishness is a phase. They just don't grow out of it until they leave their teenage years. One day, OP, your lovely daughter will be much more caring and interested in you and the world around her. Just hang on in there, it will happen!

OP I sympathise. (DM of a 15 and 17YO) I sometimes feel like this about my DD even though I think 'today's' teens have a pretty hard time of it with constant pressure to look/be unbelievably well-groomed and fun-loving.

FW I find it refreshing - provided you don't always talk about your DC like this. So many parents seem to think their DC are amazing and won't hear or apparently even think they can do any wrong.

Disclaimer - I used to be uncomfortable when parents bragged about their DC - now I thinks it's preferable to always criticising them even if it's projecting a wish to be self-deprecating on to our DC. Balance in all things etc....

DiaDuit, when you've had a couple of years of it, maybe you will be able to understand. it is very difficult to feign an interest in the things that obsess my daughter, but I do try. As the second poster says, it's a lack of empathy at this age that makes it very hard. I have tried to appeal to my daughter's conscience at times and she gives me the deliberate impression that she simply doesn't care about what I think, how hurtful her comments are to me, how hard she is to deal with.................. It is exhausting. I nearly posted a very similar thread OP and I'm glad I wasn't told that my boring daughter didn't fall far from the tree, or that maybe my daughter finds me too boring to talk to! My daughter talks AT anybody who'll listen to her favourite subjects; her & lip balm. So there is no requirement on my part to be 'interesting'. I just need to listen to her and tell her she's wonderful. What I can never, ever do is attempt to guide her, advise her, rein in her bitchiness, counsel her revenge plans, criticise her behaviour..........................................

DiaDuit, when you've had a couple of years of it, maybe you will be able to understand.

I've raised a teenager. but er, thanks.

I think I'd sooner try and have a worthwhile conversation with op's dd than DiaDuit.

again, wounded.

bovvered? (if we're being teenage)

In which case, you'll recognise the teenage behaviour that has been discussed on here Dia, and sympathise with the utter frustration/boredom/hurt/havoc that teenagers can wreak. If not, then I'm sure that you can at least imagine it, and empathise.

teenage behaviour I recognise and can empathise with. such a nasty way of talking about your daughter? no cant empathise with that. possibly OP's dd has picked up on how her mother feels about her and so withdraws further. based on the OP alone I'd be amazed if that is an entirely one way street.

why is it that we aren't allowed to suggest that an OP may hold some responsibility for the state of their relationships?

But it's not a "nasty" way of talking about her daughter! Obviously op doesn't mean it literally fgs, or even if she does mean it literally she just means at this particular phase in her teenagerhood. You are being very precious Dia.

No, I didn't think you could imagine.

You are making massive assumptions to suit your own end. You have no proof whatsoever that the OP 'feels' anything other than love for her DD and utter boredom at their conversations - but you go ahead and perpetuate whatever myth you like. You're coming across as a complete idiot who has decided something based on absolutely nothing factual at all, simply because it's your 'opinion'. Nothing anyone can do about that.

Was that coherent enough?

it is nasty, especially the title and I'm sure very hurtful if read (not suggesting it will be) by her DD. imagine if you had overheard your parent telling someone they thought you were the most boring person they knew.

why is it that we aren't allowed to suggest that an OP may hold some responsibility for the state of their relationships? Because I think the OP was talking tongue in cheek, and parents of teens sort of get what she means.

And teens can be obsessively boring with their me me me phase. Any Mum tries to find common ground to talk about but it goes back to wailing about a spot on their chin or how irritating so and so is at college.