Please help me help my daughter

[Doinmummy]

My DD16 has been put in permanent seclusion . Had a meeting with head teacher today to try and persuade him to allow her back into class but he wasn't budging on his decision. DD is distraught and verging on hysterical. I've tried to talk to her but she tells me to leave her alone. She's standing outside sobbing uncontrollably.

It's breaking my heart. I'm so worried about her mental state.

Why has she been put there?

Is it the behaviour that led to this that you want help with, or what is happening now?

Do you know why?

She was abusive to a teacher , I can understand the heads decision- he had no choice really. It's her mental state right now I'm worried about. She won't let me near her or even talk to her.

I would provide food she likes, a warm drink, run a bath for her. Let her have a good night of sleep and talk about it tomorrow.

She's outside pulling her hair and hitting herself round the head. I can't even talk to her. She's hysterical

I agree, just concentrate on calming her down.

Tell her not to worry about what she's done tonight, you will all try to sort it tomorrow/next week.

Is there any one who may help? A relative or friend?

The seclusion is a done deal . She won't talk to me and screams at me if I try

Go out and give her a big cuddle and tell her it will all be ok and you love her

No there's no one

I've tried to hug her but she won't let me near her. I so want to comfort her but she won't let me. I've told her I love her and I'm here and always will be.

Do as Bits said. If she screams at you tell her you will wait for her to calm down.

It's like she's in a black hole and can't see any future . She's said she's not going to take her exams ( gcse's). I've told her that I don't mind if she doesn't , there's years and years in front of her ( I went to Uni aged 39) I can't bear to see her so desperate

I'd go and be with her Doin.

While she is so hysterical, nothing, absolutely nothing will go in so as the others said, you need to just tell her youre there for her - she probably wont respond to physical touch right now so just let her know youre there when she needs you.
Realistically once a child is "flooded" it will take several hours for them to get over it. DO NOT try and approach any of the matter until tomorrow as it could easily escalate again and again.
Good luck X

just sit in the same room, don't try to start a conversation, let her do it. she needs time and space.

Do you know what caused her to be abusive to the teacher?

What I mean to say is, has something been bothering her long term and she's lashed out at the teacher and then being punished for it has taken her over the edge?

How is she normally within herself? Does she have good friends/siblings she is close to?

She's always been troubled . I've been asking for help since she was 7. She won't let me even sit with her . We can't carry on like this.

SS are coming tomorrow . We have a social worker, she's quite good

She's an only child an has very little contact with girl friends . She's got a BF and spends most of her time with him but they argue quite a lot.

She's been like this for 3 days. I'm so worried about her and me TBH

Doin. I have followed all your other posts and this has been going on for weeks hasn't it? Good that you are sharing with us again.
But for now, just ignore her. She is safe at home. Let her rant and rage and get it out of her system.

sounds like anxiety is a long term issue. It may be that the learning environment of school doesn't suit her and her anxiety has got out of control. This can happen very subtly over a number of months / years.

I'd try a distraction technique - anything which you think will work, possibly music, crafts etc. If she is highly anxious then be prepared for it to take time but whatever you try, don't give up on it if it doesn't appear to be working within the first hour or so.

Travelled this has been building for years . I feel a total failure. Our relationship has always been difficult . I think it's best to leave her alone for now. I literally can't say anything to her without making it worse.

Trouble is I'm torn between feeling broken hearted for her and losing my rag with her. She won't take any responsibility for any of her actions that have led to all this.

Headless your suggestion made me laugh ( in a nice way ) . If only she would do craft stuff with me! If you knew her you'd know what I mean.

(I'm just passing this section, mine are still young so feel free to ignore me if I'm spouting rubbish).

Has she been assessed for ASD? Mum was asking for help for me from a young age and it was ignored, everything imploded when I was a teen. I'm almost 40 now and getting an ASD assessment soon. The self harm (hitting her head and pulling her hair) rings bells with me.