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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I'm engaged, the parents won't let my fiancée move in!

56 replies

youaretooyoung97 · 02/10/2013 15:13

I'm 17 and been with my partner for 2 years, been engaged for 3 months, and the fiancée asked for blessing from my parents before proposing. 2 weeks ago I raised the subject of him moving in, and without thought, my dad said no. I won't argue with my parents. It's their house, their rules, and I'm their daughter, but I think it's unreasonable that they'd agree to us getting married, but not to us living together? Is there anything I could do to change their mind? Oh, and he has a full time job, willing to pay £100 a week for rent and I'm not allowed to move to his either.

OP posts:
SuperiorCat · 02/10/2013 15:15

Maybe they will agree to you living together, just not in their home.

Another adult in the house really changes the dynamics.

Why don't you and your fiancé get a house together?

Bonsoir · 02/10/2013 15:16

Parents normally and quite rightly expect their children to be able to support themselves independently in their own home when they move in with a partner.

LemonBreeland · 02/10/2013 15:17

If you are old enough to be getting engaged and married then you are old enough to live in your own house and pay your own bills.

DaleyBump · 02/10/2013 15:19

I'm 18, been with my partner for four years, engaged for two and getting married next month. Just wanted to say that before I say this - you should just get your own place. They are perfectly within their rights to not want another adult living in their home. They might think that you are kind of pushing the limits of what is acceptable (which you kind of are) and that you'll never move out once you are both living there. Personally, I think you're being unreasonable to expect that of them.

Bunbaker · 02/10/2013 15:21

I agree with SuperiorCat I wouldn't want another adult/teenager in my house.

ShatnersBassoon · 02/10/2013 15:21

Get your own place? Living as a couple with your parents would be pretty uncomfortable for everyone.

captainmummy · 02/10/2013 15:22

What do you mean - you're not allowed to move to his either? Who's stopping you? His parents? Yours?

WhoNickedMyName · 02/10/2013 15:24

Well you could always see if you can find somewhere else to live for £100
a week.

Original poster
youaretooyoung97 · 02/10/2013 15:24

I don't expect anything of them! But my dad won't let me move out, either. He's made it very clear that I'm not moving out until I'm in my 20's. I just feel stuck is all

OP posts:
eggyweggies · 02/10/2013 15:24

Move out then, it's quite simple.

Are you still in full time education?

DaleyBump · 02/10/2013 15:26

Your dad doesn't have a right to tell you whether you can move out or not. Move out, don't move out, either way you can't expect your parents to have you both living there.

DaddyPigsMistress · 02/10/2013 15:26

Why dont you both for a room in a flat share together?

WidowWadman · 02/10/2013 15:26

If you're earning your own money your parents can't stop you from moving out.

LoopyLoopyLoopy · 02/10/2013 15:26

£100 for rent,what about bills? What about housework?

I doubt most couples would want an extra adult living with them.

DaddyPigsMistress · 02/10/2013 15:27

Look* for a room

MorrisZapp · 02/10/2013 15:27

Your dad doesn't get to tell you you can't move out until your twenties. After 18, you do what you like, unless you need their financial support.

LtEveDallas · 02/10/2013 15:27

OP, I met my now DH when I was 28. Until we got married (4 years later) we still slept in seperate beds when we stayed at my parentsSmile.

Some parents are old fashioned. But sorry, it's their house, their rules. If you want to be together then you will have to look at getting your own place.

Dad can't stop you moving out, but obviously he could cut you off, so be sure you can afford it. Is is really worth the rush?

MorrisZapp · 02/10/2013 15:28

After 16 I guess really.

Original poster
youaretooyoung97 · 02/10/2013 15:28

DaleyBump I don't want to upset my dad by going against his rules. How do I move out if it's the last hing he wants?

OP posts:
TheFabulousIdiot · 02/10/2013 15:29

When are you 18, move out then. Your dad won't be able to stop you.

They have every right to make rules about who they want living in their house.

JRmumma · 02/10/2013 15:30

You are 17, your dad can not stop you from moving out. Assuming you and your partner are able to support yourselves financially, you should get your own place.

Your dad is perfectly within his rights to not allow your partner to move in, whether its in a 'not under my roof' way, or because he just doesn't want another person living there. But he can't stop you doing your own thing.

TheFabulousIdiot · 02/10/2013 15:30

"DaleyBump I don't want to upset my dad by going against his rules. How do I move out if it's the last hing he wants?"

at 18 you are legally an adult and it would be an adult thing to choose your own path. Why would your dad want to force you to stay?

Original poster
youaretooyoung97 · 02/10/2013 15:32

TheFabulousIdiot: my brothers who are 26, 24 and 18 still live at home with my parents. Me being the youngest and his only daughter; I guess he doesn't want me to grow up too fast?

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 02/10/2013 15:32

If you don't mind living at home to please your old man, why not also please him by not having fiance to live?

What's the difference? He'd be upset by either transgression.

DaleyBump · 02/10/2013 15:32

It's nothing to do with your dad. You seem to think that living at your parents is the only option here, but you could either wait until you're 20 (Hmm) or just don't live together.

Living with a partner is far different to being in a relationship with them. You're stuck in each other's pockets constantly and when you have an argument or need some time alone, you can't just disappear back to your own house. It takes some getting used to.

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