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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS(13) gets out of bed 5 mins before schoolbus

72 replies

Campari · 02/09/2013 09:58

Please help, I am soo angry right now.

My DS is 13. He started back at school a couple of weeks ago, and all has been fine except he insists on only getting out of his bed 5 mins before the bus arrives outside the door. He is supposed to leave at 7:30am, which is just as I have to get up for work. Every mornin I hear his bedroom door opening, then he is straight out the front door. No wash, no teethbrushing, no breakfast...nothing.
I have had words with him about this before, including last term when I confronted him as he was about to rush out the door. I frogmarched him to the bathroom, told him to get washed & he wasnt going anywhere until he had done so. He missed his bus, & had to walk. It obviously didnt do anything for him though, as he still continues.

I have already told him about the importance of hygiene, smartness of appearance etc, but he is happy to laze about & get more zzz's. His bedtime is 9pm, lights off at 10, but I am seriously thinking of making it earlier...or second option - set my own alarm for 6:30am & go get him up everyday??

OP posts:

Bluebell99 · 02/09/2013 10:08

In term time, I have to wake my children (14 and 11) and nag them to have breakfast and remind them to clean teeth etc. I think it is habit and I see it as part of my role as mum. Funnily enough, they manage to get themselves up at a similar time in the holidays! So I would be getting up with him at 6 30 am. I may be alone in this tho :) Having spoken to friends though, alot of them are getting up with their kids too,making packed lunches etc. I am sure, lots of kids are more independent, but some like my dd's friend arrive at school with just cucumber and nothing else in their lunchboxes!

MortifiedAdams · 02/09/2013 10:11

Sorry but at 13, you should be up with him.

CaptainSweatPants · 02/09/2013 10:11

Yeh you need to get up earlier than 7.30 with him IMO

SilverApples · 02/09/2013 10:13

What is the consequence for him?
Mine was not getting up on time to wash and brush and dress and eat breakfast = No computer/games access when he got home.
DS could manage if he got up at 7 to leave at 7.30.
DD had her straighteners taken off her for the following day.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/09/2013 10:13

I would get up with him.

I am up before the DCs, only because I have to get ready for work and it's easier to get ready 1st as 4 of us need to leave in the morning within half an hour of each other and dd would spend 45 minutes in the shower if she could.

But it sounds as though he needs a bit of supervision in the morning right now.

SilverApples · 02/09/2013 10:14

Yes, I did get up with them both, I had to be at work by 7.45am, so no time to nag and fuss teenagers beyond the initial few bellows.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 10:16

I don't get up with my 13yo on days that I am not working myself

I think you will have to be consistent with the consequences/punishment

DaddyPigsMistress · 02/09/2013 10:18

Everyone up and out of bed by 7 make him be dressed by 7:30 or no phone/ wifi passport for the day.

Oh and if he is late and had to walk never offer a lift or help him. Let him deal with the consequences

Original poster

Campari · 02/09/2013 10:18

The thing is, I do everything else for him to be prared for school - wash & iron his uniform, make packed lunch night before, ensure he has bus money laid out etc...all I ask in return is he makes himself presentable for school...even just brushing his hair but he doesnt bother to ever wash it anyway so it looks greasy .

I want him to grow up with self respect, not as a slob who's rolled out of bed.

OP posts:

DaddyPigsMistress · 02/09/2013 10:20

Sorry just saw he had to be out the door at 7:30 sorry

It would be downstairs at 6:30 dressed by 7 here in that case, give 30 muns fron breakfast/ getting packed

mumblechum1 · 02/09/2013 10:20

I think you should get him up at 7am tbh. Once he gets into the routine maybe you could leave him to it but at the moment, leaving him to it isn't working.

MortifiedAdams · 02/09/2013 10:20

But if you arent up.yourself, how do you know? He could be up.and washing before you even wake?

He clearly needs you to be up.corrallong him. In fact, corrall him.to make his own lunch the night before. A 13yo is also capable of doing their own ironing (something I am grateful to ky MIL for)
.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/09/2013 10:21

HAs he always been like this?

Or did you get up without him before and now he is doing it alone, he has changed?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/09/2013 10:21

*with him before

SilverApples · 02/09/2013 10:21

Sooo what's the consequence?
Sorry to repeat myself, but my two have Asperger's. So sighing heavily, martyred eye-rolling and mummy having a sad face doesn't work with them.
They didn't even register it, couldn't.
Me saying 'get ready in time, or no straighteners tomorrow' made a clear link for DD.

SquidgyMummy · 02/09/2013 10:21

Csn he not shower the night before. Sounds like needs his sleep. I would get up at 7 and wake him then so he can have breakfast.
Worst case scenario, just make sure he has a cereal bar and a banana for breakfast on the bus. when starts noticing girls he will probaby make more of an effort with hygiene.

mumblechum1 · 02/09/2013 10:22

I don't think he needs an hour to get ready. Up at 7, wash and teeth, dressed by 7.15. If he has time for breakfast, fine, otherwise he can take a cereal bar to eat on the bus.

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/09/2013 10:22

Well get him to shower and wash his hair the night before at least. And yes, you should get up when he does if he's having problems with it.

And he'll grow out o it fond memories of removing DB from bed whilst he was still attached to the duvet

Sparklingbrook · 02/09/2013 10:23

I feel for you Campari. DS1 gets the school bus but I have to drive him 6 miles to the stop.

He gets up at 7.30am and we leave the house at 7.50 and it drives me mad. he squeezes in a shower, teeth clean but that is all. I am always sat in the car while he finds all his books too.

The only thing is if we miss the bus, I would have to drive him another 6 miles to school and 12 miles back so it's me that would be inconvenienced.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 10:24

You do everything else for him ?

I don't think that is helping with the lazy, selfish behaviour

Weegiemum · 02/09/2013 10:26

My dd1 (13) gets up at 6.45, normally without prompting but I still set my alarm for then in order to check she's up.

Ds and dd2 (11 and 9) get up just after 7, when I get up and dh too.

Dd1 would not ever leave the house without hair all done, a thorough wash and trying to get past me with makeup on! Also has to eat toast and have tea, and she usually takes a banana or apple which she eats on the way to the bus - has to leave at 7.35 (likes to get to school early).

Ds has got better about spontaneous face-washing since he got a huge spot on his nose!! He's still at primary school and has always worked on a fairly inflexible "get up wash dress shoes weetabix brush teeth and hair" routine. Dd1 still needs a bit more prompting, which is why I'm up and about. They leave at 7.55 for school bus.

Biggest difference to us was when they started making packed lunches after tea. All they have to do is grab their box from the fridge. I don't have to be at work until 10 on 2 days and 11 on the other (other days are off) so I've time to wait until they leave before getting myself ready or get a coffee and go back to bed :)

Original poster

Campari · 02/09/2013 10:27

I think I have no choice but to do as some have sugested, & get up earlier to supervise him. This now means I lose another hour of sleep, when I am already taking paperwork home & working late. I just hope by doing this, it gets him into a good routine he can carry on himself.

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/09/2013 10:36

I think anyFucker has a good point.

I do not make my dcs packed lunch, breakfast, lay out their clothes or PE kit.

I also do not remind them that they need their PE kit, homework, phone, keys, oyster card, lunch etc.
Otherwise they would not have any responsibility.

NoComet · 02/09/2013 10:36

So? He catch the bus doesn't he!

What's the problem? 5 mins is enough time to put on deodorant, get dressed and leave the house.

I could do it in six, I did wave a tooth brush at my teeth and a brush at my hair.

As for lights out at 10pm. I bet he doesn't (DD1 puts her lights back on or reads on her iPod after I've checked and I'm certain 90%!of teens do).

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 10:45

Despite this lad being 13 and well on with his high school journey into young adulthood you are now going to...

Make his pack lunches
Sort out his uniform
Remind him of every little thing
Get up with him in the morning even though he is perfectly capable of setting an alarm and hauling his own arse out bed
Make his breakfast
Ensure he is clean and presentable

Effectively remove ALL his personal responsibility

Is that really a good, idea ?

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