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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS(13) gets out of bed 5 mins before schoolbus

72 replies

Campari · 02/09/2013 09:58

Please help, I am soo angry right now.

My DS is 13. He started back at school a couple of weeks ago, and all has been fine except he insists on only getting out of his bed 5 mins before the bus arrives outside the door. He is supposed to leave at 7:30am, which is just as I have to get up for work. Every mornin I hear his bedroom door opening, then he is straight out the front door. No wash, no teethbrushing, no breakfast...nothing.
I have had words with him about this before, including last term when I confronted him as he was about to rush out the door. I frogmarched him to the bathroom, told him to get washed & he wasnt going anywhere until he had done so. He missed his bus, & had to walk. It obviously didnt do anything for him though, as he still continues.

I have already told him about the importance of hygiene, smartness of appearance etc, but he is happy to laze about & get more zzz's. His bedtime is 9pm, lights off at 10, but I am seriously thinking of making it earlier...or second option - set my own alarm for 6:30am & go get him up everyday??

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 02/09/2013 10:48

I agree with AnyFucker - he needs to take responsibility for himself.

I get up before my DC and leave after them, but they are responsible for themselves.
From 5+, my DC have always had to get their uniform on (I do wash it for them!) washed or whatever, eat some breakfast - currently DS has toast which he can take with him and DD takes a breakfast bar which is better than nothing. I do make DD's packed lunch, but DS gets lunch on his fob. They get their own bags ready, make sure they have their homework/sports kits, etc, and go.

Has he hit puberty yet? My DS is never out of the bathroom, primping himself!

MortifiedAdams · 02/09/2013 10:54

Im all.for them taking responsobility for themselves, but they dont learn it overnight..OP is doing ABCD&E for her DS and then he isnt managing FG&H. Sp swap them round.

Give him responsibility for bag, uniform, pe kit and packed lunch and ensure he does.it before bed. Then OP takes over the morning nagging.

BeckAndCall · 02/09/2013 11:04

Disagree with those who say its up to him - I can't imagine staying in bed while my kids are getting up and starting their day .

He's 13 but this didn't happen overnight, presumably. How old was he when you started expecting this and is it a sudden change or did he slide into it?

It's my understanding that its a parents responsibility to get their children to school. I don't think staying in bed and expecting them to do it themselves would wash if you were challenged if he didn't have an accpetable attendance record ( not that that's happened yet - he does actually get there, I know)

And it only gets worse as they get more tired as teenagers - for my lot, 16 was way worse than 13 for getting up in the mornings...

chickydoo · 02/09/2013 11:04

My DS 14 gets school Bus 7.10am
He has £2.00 a day pocket money IF..he showers, puts his clothes from day before in wash bin, makes his bed, has breakfast & feeds the pets.
I am downstairs at 7.00 if everything done he gets his £2.00 for whatever he wants.
It works
When he is 15 it will be £3.00.
Like most teens pocket money is a motivator .

babyboomersrock · 02/09/2013 11:27

It sounds a bit miserable for him, actually. Is he an only child?

At 13, I liked someone to be around in the morning when I was getting ready - I had a mother who tended to stay in bed until she had to get up for work and I remember wishing she would get up and just be around. 13 is still quite young to start the day alone, especially when the adult is still in bed.

However, we had to make our own packed lunches, organise our school clothes, and tidy our rooms in the morning. Showers at bedtime. I think it's important to make sure he eats something too - I don't envy the teachers of a tired, un-fed teenager.

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/09/2013 12:16

Well why not tell him that its time he started getting his own uniform and packed lunch? Then you'll gain time to work when you would usually be doing that.

Bluebell99 · 02/09/2013 12:27

When dropping my dd at primary, I often used to see "independent" teens getting their breakfast of bags of sweets and huge bars of chocolate from the local one stop along with bottles of fanta.
I think it is a balance between being independent and not bothering at all. My dd's friend does her own packed lunch and my dd often ends of giving her something from her own lunch as friends box only has cucumber in it!
Her hair is completely knotty as it's curly und unbrushed. She is 11 and not really managing.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 12:34

Some 13 yo's are also responsible for getting younger siblings to/from school. What happens then if he/she can't be arsed to get up ?

valiumredhead · 02/09/2013 12:38

I can't imagine not getting up with ds before school.

He's got it down to a fine art alarm goes off at 7.20 and he showers, breakfast, teeth and leaves at 8 am.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/09/2013 12:58

The trouble is, they will have to be independent at some point. You cant be making their breakfast, setting out their clothes and packing their bags when they are 16/17/18 can you?

He isnt doing so well on the getting up, eating and washing maybe because theres no consequences for not doing it.
And theres no way id be laying out clothes for him, he needs to do it.

valiumredhead · 02/09/2013 13:02

He can sort his own clothes out, yes of course he can but I think expecting him to get himself up etc and out the door completely by himself is a bit much when clearly he's not managing to do it.

Some kids can but I don't know many who would be able to. In fact I don't know anyone who doesn't get up when their kids go to school.

valiumredhead · 02/09/2013 13:04

And no you shouldn't be helping them when they are 16+ but that's a long way off yet.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 13:04

Me !

Admittedly it's one day a week that I don't work, but the other 4 days DH and I are both out of the house before our teenagers even get up so they aren't supervised then either.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 13:06

It's been this way for us since my youngest (13) went to High School and I stopped dropping him at Breakfast club on my way to work (there is no BC there)

valiumredhead · 02/09/2013 13:08

It sounds like it works for you any fucker, but its not for the OP do something has to change.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 13:10

Yes, I agree. OP needs to start giving him more responsibility and she needs to start giving him more consequences and not simply say "Oh, I'll have to get up with him then"

Waffling · 02/09/2013 13:13

Get up with him ffs.

valiumredhead · 02/09/2013 13:14

I don't think getting up with him means she has to do everything for him at all that defeats the object completely. I would make sure he was up half an hour before leaving and there would be consequences for not cleaning teeth, etc most definitely. If the OP knows he leaves 5 mins before the bus that must mean she's up also surely?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/09/2013 13:17

well, if there are no consequences for not doing what he is supposed to do, then why would he do it?

and if Mum is laying out his clothes and making lunch and organising everything, why would he do it?

TBH If i did not have to go to work, I wouldnt be up at 6;30am.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 13:20

OP is already doing everything for him, all he needs to do is get up in time to have a quick bite, a quick wash and brush his teeth.

Somebody mentioned swapping stuff around. Stop doing everythign for him, but get him up. That could be worth a try but it seems he has been babied so far, so will require a lot of perseverance.

It really is easier to do everything for them, it's certainly not the "lazy" option to hand over responsibility (checks grey hairs in mirror)

TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/09/2013 13:23

what age do people stop doing this then?
Getting up with their teenagers, organising clothes and bags and money and lunch?

Because I would be a bit concerned if my teenagers couldnt manage this. My 10 year old gets up to an alarm, showers, makes breakfast, gets dressed without any input from me.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2013 13:23

On my day off, I don't get out of bed but I am awake. I will shout out if I don't hear movement at an appropriate time.

On my working days I am gone before they get up, so have no influence at all (other than the fact that it's been drummed in that they have to take responsibility for themselves)

Waffling · 02/09/2013 13:30

I think now, 13, is the transition year. It is for us anyway.

I get up and out of courtesy give her her breakfast (as I'm not working), then drink coffee & read papers, and holler occasionally.

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/09/2013 13:55

TantrumsAndBalloons but if the teenagers aren't taking responsibility then they need more supervision and consequences, not everything doing for them.

eddiemairswife · 02/09/2013 14:05

I think it's a bit mean not to bother getting up for him, even if it's only to say "Have you got everything?" and wave him goodbye.

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