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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Bit sad today. 14 year old DS.

150 replies

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 09:11

DS1 (14) has spent the holidays at home, in the house. He hasn't made any arrangements to meet up with anyone, bar one day at the beginning he had a friend round for the day. AFAIK he has had no invitations either.

We have had a weekly family day out, but other than that he's been at home, mucking about with DS2 and the neighbourhood children who are 1-2 years younger than him.

He had to change schools which means that school friends are between 6 and 18 miles away so that obviously affects things, but we said we would give him a lift wherever he wanted to go.

Anyone else's 14 year old not done much?

OP posts:
RatherBeOnThePiste · 24/08/2013 10:34

Big hugs Sparkling, these boys.

My son has had 3 weeks away with us, and did a radio production course, but was so happy when he could be at home, doing his thing on his computer. Tis what he likes best. Soupy is right about diff ways of socialising.

My DS hasn't linked up with anyone from his current school, but has met with a old friend from primary once.

Braces are horrid, I can still remember what it is like. DD had braces, DS might. I shall be looking for help from you then!

deliasniff · 24/08/2013 10:36

I can hear my 15 year old DS chatting and laughing most of the day playing on his x box. He has 3 friends that play on line and he is a social animal from his bedroom. As a pp said they have to be on different computers to play against each other. I do worry that he has barely left the house all holiday and sometimes make him come to Tesco with me just to get him out but he really is too old to want to want to socialise with his mum and would rather stay at home. Luckily I am good friends with his best friends mum and we arrange things like sleepovers etc without them realising (they think they thought of it) and they are going to Thorpe Park together next week. Once school starts he has football everyday and 2 evenings so I don't mind letting him veg out for a while.

Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 10:38

I'm slightly worried, Sparkling, although not as much as DH is. Although DH is very sporty and high energy and simply doesn't understand why a teenager would want to sit in front of x box/ ps 3 etc, all day long.

DH thinks i ought to do more with him but what 15 year old wants to hang out with his mum?

He doesn't like parties, shopping,,theme parks, sport, anything really!

I hope he grows out of it, maybe when he's a bit more interested in girls.

lborolass · 24/08/2013 10:38

Its been the same in my house, it makes me sad too as I think back to my own school holidays when I was out with friends all the time but as it's not through lack of opportunity I've had to conclude that my son is actually quite happy on his own and, if he's not, I can't really do anything to make him meet friends.

14+ is, I think, too old for organised activities if they haven't already started them.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 24/08/2013 10:45

I was the same at this age OP....it's fine honestly...so normal. I noticed my friend's DS aged 15 did barely anything other than play on the computer and a bit of footy in the street. He'll be fine.x

louby44 · 24/08/2013 10:53

My DS13 has been exactly the same. We live about 11 miles from school friends but I have encouraged him to contact them and I will pick up/drop off take to cinema etc. if needs be. He's half heartedly attempted this but his best friend is away till 31st Aug.

We've been on holiday for the middle 2 weeks and have had the odd day out but him and his brother have mostly stayed at home, played outside with the local kids and slobbed around watching TV/ipods/Xbox etc.

Next summer I shall be encouraging him to do more!

SuperiorCat · 24/08/2013 10:56

DS nearly 15 is pretty much the same. Only friends he has seen are DCs of my friends, but he would happily spend all day yelling into his headphones given the chance.

I think lboro is right about organised activities, DS goes to Cadets but a lot of stuff is more aimed at primary aged children so their activities tend to drop off as they become teens, unless it is a sport / art that they are really serious about.

CorrineFoxworth · 24/08/2013 10:57

DD 13 is exactly the same. I think because she's at the in-between age where I've stopped facilitating her social life and despite mobile phones and Facebook neither she or her friends could organise a piss up in a brewery!

Also school is socially full-on at this age so I think she's been glad of a rest from it all.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 10:58

Thank you to everyone on the same boat. Smile I had forgotten his twice weekly footy training but that's in the evening.

Plus his weekly paper round-that's still 'out and about'. Grin

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 24/08/2013 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbluebus · 24/08/2013 11:06

DS is 16 and he hasn't bothered to meet up with anyone either and he only lives 5 miles from school and the town where most of his mates live. He has had 9 weeks off school so far as he did his GCSE's. He says he has been talking to his mates on FB chat and I have heard him on a PS3 games chatting to a friend through the headset but other than that he has been attached to the computer/phone/PS3 or in bed.

The only saving grace is that we/he have had 2 1/2 weeks away during this time and he has been doing some paid gardening work for someone he knows. He said he was going to go to the gym 3 times a week in the holidays - and that hasn't happened either. He didn't even arrange to meet up with his friends at a set time to collect GCSE results although he was going to work more or less straight afterwards so wouldn't have been able to 'hang out' with them afterwards.

I think they just can't be bothered to organise anything - there is nothing to do locally so going out would involve going to town 15 miles away and even then there is only really the cinema to go to (DS would rather boil his head than hang around the shops).

MissPiggiesLeftTrotter · 24/08/2013 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlew · 24/08/2013 11:25

Please don't shout at me-but do you all allow unlimited access to games thingys at this age? And do you all allow them in bedrooms? Because I don't........

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 11:31

Yep, unlimited access to Games/Laptop/TV in bedrooms. I don't want him in the living room yelling down the headset, we don't have a playroom or another room.

But because it's unlimited he dips in and out. Meals are downstairs at the dining table-non negotiable whatever happens.

Right now Ds1 is listening to music and reading the paper.....

OP posts:
SuperiorCat · 24/08/2013 11:43

Mine too has unlimited access (weekends and holidays providing homework and chores are done) and in his room as we don't want him taking over living room, as a result he dips in and out....whereas, I hate to say it, but their friends who are restricted at home come over and don't want to do anything but sit on the internet as they are not allowed to much at home.

givemejellytots · 24/08/2013 11:45

DD15 is the same. Has seen a few friends a couple of times but that's about it.

Seems perfectly happy to lounge in bed until midday and then watch TV etc...to be honest if it was me I'd be bored stiff but she's not bothered!!

ExitPursuedByABear · 24/08/2013 11:47

My DD is similar. She has had her two best friends round and been to their houses, but they don't go out as such which I find really odd. She chats to people on social media and watches re runs of Dr Who endlessly. She is an only child as well.

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2013 11:50

If it had been left to DS, he wouldn't have done anything.

Luckily his friends mothers invited him over, or sent their DSs to our house.

I probably should have done more, but kind of figured at 14 they might be able to text each other.

BeQuicksieorBeDead · 24/08/2013 11:51

sparkling me and my bro were the same. We never met up with friends in the holidays, but we were happy doing our own thing. To be honest, my brother is still my preferred choice of hanging out partner, we get on well and have the same sense of humour. I think I had enough of the usual teenage bullshy a2 school, holidays were a chance to not feel paranoid and unfashionable!

But then I was a goth.

MortifiedAdams · 24/08/2013 11:51

I was like this. tbh after five days a week day in day out at school I relished the quiet and the space.

I would lie in, read, do a jigsaw, watch a movie etc. Not having to talk to anyone!! Grin

Once every fortnigt or so ID have a sleepover and catch up with friends then.

bigTillyMint · 24/08/2013 11:54

It sounds like he's happy, has "socialised" on social media and has infact been out and about to footy and paper round. I'd not worry about it.

I think it is quite awkward for teens to organise meet-ups if no-one else seems to be doing so - maybe all his mates have been relaxing at home/away on hol too?

Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 11:59

Mine don't have anything in their bedrooms. Including TVs.

All the consoles, computers, TV are in a den/playroom so I suppose at least we do see the DSes and they are with each other. Mainly just ds2 and ds3. Ds1 is totally different, and always out. He gets bored if he's in for more than about an hour.

Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 12:01

Also, as I'm trying to justify it! - they do have very long hours at school during term time. Not home until 6.00 in the week, plus Saturday school. So screen time is much more limited outside of school holidays.

thecatfromjapan · 24/08/2013 12:09

I think it's normal, too. Don't beat yourself up about the changing schools thing (which is maybe what's at the bottom of your post??).

Mine's 15 and ... you know, all my friends told me to enjoy the sitting around at home bit because when they do start organising stuff, it can be quite hair-raising.

So ds is beginning to arrange meet-ups, and it is bit ... tricky? ... because I just have to watch him ambling off towards the bus stop. Mainly, though, it is long interludes of him socialising on-line. And a few activities that I've organised.

I think back to the tea-shops of my own youth - but why would they need to do that? They chat enormous amounts, they do stuff together, but a lot of it is digital.

Anyway, threads like this remind me that my own little one is well within the parameters of normal.

monikar · 24/08/2013 13:57

I think at age 14/15 it is very normal to spend a lot of time in their rooms and on the computer or xbox. At least with the online arrangement this is less solitary than it used to be.

Sparkling is DS going into year 10? It gets tough with GCSE work and at least you can console yourself with the fact that he had a nice restful summer where he basically pleased himself and relaxed. This will be some comfort when he is complaining that 'he has so much work and never has any time to himself'. I had this said to me many times in year 10 as it is a very busy and stressful time.