Well shit. I handled that one badly.

[survivingthechildren]

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I have been keeping up with this thread. I have three teenagers - 18, 16 and 14. I read the OP out to them, and they were horrified at your DS's language. DS2 is the one of our DC who suffers if he plays too much XBox/PS/computer games, even Minecraft.

I think your DS has also reacted very well to what has happened. You all took some time to discuss it, not in the heat of the moment and that has been good for all parties. I think his "I really am sorry, Mum", says how sorry he is for what he said. I think that your action has had the outcome that you wanted. You and I realise that it wasn't the "right" thing to do, but your DC need to see that everyone can be pushed to breaking point. I think you were correct, too, in your answering that tomorrow is another day and a new starting point. I think both parties have had a wake-up call.

[LittleMissWobbleBelly]

You only did what I have been on the verge of doing on many occasions!

[LittleEdie]

That's great!

[Angelico]

Brilliant OP, great outcome :) Shock tactics can really work, especially when they are genuine. It's good when teenagers remember that parents are people too!

I can think of a few kids I've taught over the years who would really have benefitted from something similar to the flight of the XBox...

[ladymariner]

What a great outcome, I have been on the verge of doing something similar myself......anyone else have a Fifa player in the house, if so you'll know where I'm coming from!! Well done Op and I'm glad it's all worked out well for you x

[foslady]

Very impressed - so glad to hear that you've had such a good result

[Blu]

So pleased this has turned out well - all credit to him for the willing and heartfelt apology.

[mrsminiverscharlady]

Aww, sounds as though he's a good kid really

[shockers]

I am so glad that your son has found out that there is a limit to what people will take from him... and that he has learnt from it!!

[Grammaticus]

That's good to hear, op. I am really glad he has apologised. I assume you have acknowledged to him that hurling stuff out of windows isn't really the best answer. DH and I talked about your situation last night, we envisaged replacing the Xbox ourselves after a month or so, and at our expense. (Our eldest is fourteen, FYI.)

[Talkinpeace]

What interests me most is that among all the high 5's, people like me with teenage boys have taken heart that even if they swear among their friends, there is NO NEED for it to be within parental earshot
and that the occasional shock can still make a difference

OP
do be aware that he WILL go on the x box at friends so you need to think of a reason for him to have friends round to yours regularly ...

[GoblinGranny]

How did I miss this thread?
I'd have thrown the Xbox through the window, no one should speak to you like that, ever. Nor would I replace it.
Now he knows that his rudeness has serious consequences, at 15 he's old enough to cope.
My Great Aunt once had a huge bust up with her son, 17 and very rude to her, calling her stupid and worthless and nothing but a skivvy. He stormed out overnight to a mates and when he came back she's thrown everything in his room out of the window, including the bed and the wardrobe.
It was all in a huge soggy heap on the front lawn.
The neighbours talked about it for years, but their relationship was much improved!

[survivingthechildren]

Thanks ladies. I think it'll take a little while for us to shake down and get in the groove again. Certainly DS won't change is attitude overnight. But at the very least, I think he heard where we were coming from.

I guess that's the main thing for now.

[sparkle12mar08]

Bollocks to that Grammaticus! At 14, I'd have waited you out every single time if it were just for a month. OP did exactly the right thing, there's is no way she should be replacing the xbox at the family's expense - are you nuts?!

[usualsuspect]

I would replace it. Mind you I wouldn't have lobbed it out of the window in the first place.

[SoupDragon]

If my DS had called me a bitch there is no way he would be getting another XBox until he left home and bought it himself.

[GoblinGranny]

Just read your OP to DD, she thinks it was a perfectly reasonable response. She survived my parenting for 21 years.
He can replace it by doing chores for cash, using birthday and Christmas money. That way he'll appreciate how much things cost and how much he has for free. Well. you can hope.

[Lemonylemon]

OP: It won't take that long. Don't worry. You all sound quite resilient.

DS and I have had issues similar to this and DS ends up coming to apologise and give me a hug. It's quite tough though, when you have to take a very firm stance.... But good for you and your DH.

[GirlOutNumbered]

You should not replace the Xbox.

[nickstmoritz]

One day you and your DS will laugh about this. OP you did the right thing and I am glad that DS has apologised. He crossed the line but he knows it and said sorry. I think your talk and the sanctions sound about right. Good luck to you. You sound great. High five and hug from me.

[Jezabelle]

Well done. Sounds like you handled that discussion really well. I hope you feel like a good mummy now. It sounds to me like you are one! He has learned a valuable lesson. You stood firm but let him understand that you wouldn't hold it against him forever.

[AllOverIt]

Sorry Gammaticus, I have to disagree. There is no way I'd be replacing that Xbox until he'd earned the money himself to pay for it.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Great outcome.

Grammaticus you would be a mug if you did replace it, because he would know that all he had to do was suck up a bit and be a bit patient and then there would be no further consequences.

[Southwestwhippet]

Op, you are amazing, my dd is only three but I was vile as a teenager, hoping I don't get what I deserve when dd hits that age. If so, hope I can handle it as well as you. Really sounds as if your ds has had a wake up call and genuinely reflected on his behaviour. What more could you want? Well done. X

[CheerfulYank]

There are those rare times where hurling things out of the window is perfectly acceptable...this was one of them. :)

I had my own phone in my room when I was 13-14, which was a Very Big Deal in those days...it was shiny red and shaped like a pair of lips, so even more so. :o My mom ripped it out of the wall when I was being a vile little shit and it was months before I saw it again. I completely deserved it.