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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Well shit. I handled that one badly.

455 replies

survivingthechildren · 16/04/2013 12:19

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

OP posts:
TimeIsACurrency · 17/04/2013 10:53

Fantastic! Thanks

PeppermintCreamsSaga · 17/04/2013 10:55

Well done!

Did you take a photo of the smashed X Box? Just thinking it could go in facebook/pinterest as a warning to other teenagers!

LemonBreeland · 17/04/2013 10:59

Just found this thread. OP you did your DS a big favour, and you did not overreact.

He has learnt a valuable lesson.

Jaynebxl · 17/04/2013 11:14

Wow fantastic! Sounds like a calm family talk about respect hit the right buttons. I can imagine myself doing what you did then being wracked with guilt over it but it sounds like as a family you've all pulled together. Good for the other DC to know that kind of rudeness won't be tolerated too.

YoniMakesTheWorldGoAround · 17/04/2013 11:14

OP you are a star.

Flowers

Good on your DS to do the right thing (eventually).

NinaHeart · 17/04/2013 11:37

Excellent result all round. It sounds to me as though your DS has learned a very valuable lesson for life and it has certainly hit home.
Well done to you...applauds.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/04/2013 11:37

Survivingthechildren - I told my stroppiest teenager (ds3 - who displayed some pretty nightmare-ish behaviour when he was 13-14-15, but is coming out the other side of it now) what your ds had done, and your response, and his horror that someone could do that to an xbox was almost comical!! But he was equally shocked at how rude your son had been.

What you did was in the heat of the moment, and very drastic, but I still think it was the right thing to do (even though ds3 says he'd rather I threw him out of the window than the xbox - he would heal, he says), and you have handled it perfectly since.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 17/04/2013 11:38

aww excellent, well done to everyone involved. :)

Dotty342kids · 17/04/2013 11:39

That's brilliant, I've been following this thread with huge interest as I have a 10yr old who I know is going to be asking for an X box in the next year or so.
I thought what you did was amazing, funny, brilliant but might have the potential to come back and bite you depending on how you handled the follow up.
Sounds like you and your DH did a fantastic job and that your DS is still the lovely boy he ever was and this was a hopefully, temporary, blip!

StephaniePowers · 17/04/2013 11:47

OP I kind of love you Smile
Well played.
FWIW I would have done exactly the same if my son spoke to me like that.
I've always balked at throwing possessions away but in the circs - nice one.

BeckAndCall · 17/04/2013 12:26

surviving, with that last moment from your DS, his heartfelt, 'I really am sorry', I can see he's going to turn out just fine - you've clearly done something right over the years and he's clearly a really decent boy under neath this one off strop.

MrsSpagBol · 17/04/2013 12:29

Love a happy ending! Flowers

Rosesforrosie · 17/04/2013 12:31

Well done OP. beautifully handled.

youmaycallmeSSP · 17/04/2013 12:33

Well done OP.

maxomummy · 17/04/2013 12:36

Well done OP! Made me chuckle this one did :-D Agreed with everyone else, wait until you're both calmer then have a talk. Maybe it'll be the shock he needs to sort out his overall attidue if you could make him see it was the last straw for you and work out a plan for him to earn another x box. It could be the making of you, seems like a stand was needed and you took one! Don't feel bad, many parents would have hit their child for speaking like that and you didn't so you did really well imo. Good luck with the chat xx

Crutchlow35 · 17/04/2013 12:38

Well done.

Maggie111 · 17/04/2013 12:40

Bravo OP! Flowers

IrnBruTheNoo · 17/04/2013 12:57

Fantastic result for everyone all round. Will have to remember this thread for when my two DC turn into teenagers!

HipHopHooray · 17/04/2013 12:59

you handled it brilliantly, beginning to end.

Gerrof · 17/04/2013 13:06

I am glad OP that it has all worked out well - it seems as if you have a good relationship with your son overall and hopefully you have nipped this behaviour in the bud.

But tbh I think a lot of the whoop whoop you go go girl kind of cheerleading on this thread has been a bit strange. Some lovely soul said earlier in the thread that if her son said that to her he would have no teeth left. What kind of thing is that to say?

I agree with soupdragon, she has spoken a lot of sense. I really don't blame you for seeing red, and I am glad it has worked out, but I don't think that kind of behaviour is legendary tbh.

Sunnywithshowers · 17/04/2013 13:08
Flowers
LadyBeagleEyes · 17/04/2013 13:10

I sort of agree with Gerrorf.
Losing it like that is nothing to be proud off, however good the outcome was.
Supposing the child had been a particularly stubborn toddler, and you 'saw red' like that.
I think you'd have got totally different replies.
And as for destroying an X box, are all of you made of money or something?

OnTheNingNangNong · 17/04/2013 13:22

excellent result!

MNHQ
RebeccaMumsnet · 17/04/2013 13:29

Hi all,

We have moved this to our Teen topic now so that it doesn't disappear.

Smile
shewhowines · 17/04/2013 13:38

Thanks Op

I would probably have done the same and also be wracked with guilt over it. I may even have, like you were thinking of, backtracked or apologised. You've now given me the strength to punish harshly when needed, and not feel guilty although i hope I won't be throwing any xboxes out of the window in the near future

The best result you could have hoped for. Well done for being calm and sticking to your guns.