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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

oy vey, ds1, the GF and the miscarriage

139 replies

Tortington · 30/04/2006 18:01

dd was looking through ds1 moby messages and found a msg from his gf saying it was a miscarriage. now whether or not this happened - dont know - can't approach him or dd will never forgive me

i'm fast coming to the point of asking to have a chat with her mother - who is nice - we've been out she's ok - and not telling about supposed miscarriage but telling her they are having sex and perhaps she needs to think about taking her little girl to doctors for some contraception - i hae talks with ds about using a condom - and buy them for him - its as much as i can do.

what do you lot think?

OP posts:

Original poster

Tortington · 04/05/2006 23:27

glad your going to talk to your ds quadrangle. hope all goes well - keep us updated!

will be back tomorrow with harrowing family planning clinic account - its a youth drop in fgs. i'll look like a proper tit!

OP posts:

Original poster

Tortington · 04/05/2006 23:28

quangle - not quadrangle?!

OP posts:

quanglewangle · 05/05/2006 00:03

Well, I am a bit square I live in a crumpetty tree.

I led a very sheltered life as a teenager but wasn't too bothered as I was quite timid. Don't think I was very good at being young. So I am very surprised at how un-fazed I am about teenage sex - I suspect I am secretly jealous. A girls' grammar school and long bus rides away from friends doesn't do much for a wild social life. At least ds is much more confident and is much more socially adept than I was (am?). I just hope he emerges from being a teenager without a criminal record, an STI or a baby. At least while he is canoodling with gf he isn't out working on his asbo

Woman's Hour in the car is surprisingly good too for getting converations going, believe it or not. I only got away with that while Sarah Cox was on though (can't stand her) We listen to Chris Moyles now and at least have a laugh together.

quanglewangle · 05/05/2006 00:05

I would be bloody good at being young now though

ghosty · 05/05/2006 00:35

Wow ... custy you are fantastic!
I am saving this thread for future reference (ok, DS is only 6 but better safe than sorry!)

Although my brother had gfs to stay at a young age I was very secretive about my sex life as a teenager ... I thought my parents were older than dinosaurs and probably only had sex 4 times themselves (they have 4 children )
When I was 17, sitting at Xmas dinner table, my eldest brother piped up, "Have you told mum and dad you are on the pill yet?"
Cue sudden silence - younger brother's fork clatters to the plate, sister chokes, eldest brother sits grinning, mother's fork remains suspended in the air on the way to her mouth, father sits staring at me, I sit like this and then like this heat radiating off my puce face.
My mother says across the table to my father, "But she'll get fat!" (obviously thinking that the pill was like the ones in the old days when weight gain was a big side effect).
My father says, "Yes dear, but not as fat as she would if she forgot to take it!"
Cue whole family, brothers, sister and parents rolling around the floor laughing their heads off at me, parents proud of their own wit and ability to connect with the younger generation.
I nearly threw up.
That was pretty much the only conversation had re. sex and boyfriends and the pill with my parents.
BUT - from that day, my parents were cool about my boyfriend staying over

Custy you are my hero and I want to be like you when I grow up please

ggglimpopo · 05/05/2006 01:34

Just seen this thread.

Well, if it was my dd she would be going to family planning - prob on crutches - and I would be gutted that another woman knew before I did what was going on.

The double standards thing really is quite shamefully blatant, here, isn't it? If she was a boy I think I would just shovel him a handful of condoms and tell him "not in my house". But the idea of my daughter having rampant sex....

edam · 05/05/2006 07:59

Don't think it's double standards as such. Custy just happens to be the parent who has realised what's going on and the parent of the boy. She's being pragmatic, telling them she disapproves while trying to ensure they are safe. Taking the moral high ground won't actually stop them having sex. In fact it would possibly make it more likely they'd be stupid and have sex without protection. And mean her son would not confide in her again, about any other risky behaviour.

Original poster

Tortington · 05/05/2006 08:14

i have a dd as well - and i hope i am this cool with her. its easier with girls to some extent becuase when she has a boyfriend or starts all the usual teenage crap - gets drunk, comes in late, hates me more than usual - think i will just put her on the pill. that way i dont really have to think about the rampant sex part.

OP posts:

grumpyfrumpy · 05/05/2006 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Tortington · 05/05/2006 08:29

the GF is going for an implant - her choice - becuase her firend had it done - so absolutley not influenced by me in any way thank god

when its my daughters turn i will come to mumsnet and ask them which form of contraception is least harmful - i know absolutley nothing about the pill -i was never on it, so i will be coming looking for advice - becuase i know there are health implications for girls wh are on the pill too long. and other things

anyway. if the pill is the way to go for my dd when the time come s- i can absolutley make sure she takes it.

i can't make sure the GF does! thank god shes having an implant

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ScummyMummy · 05/05/2006 16:37

pmsl at your family meal ghosty.

winnie · 05/05/2006 16:49

lol at ghosty too :)

I think I am about to start another thread thanks to this thread.

Thanks Custy :)
Plus, glad things are ok. You are a great Mum.

MABS · 05/05/2006 18:25

hope it went well hun

alexsmum · 05/05/2006 18:54

how did it go today custy?

Original poster

Tortington · 05/05/2006 21:29

had a pants day, feel taken for granted and dh made me chicken fkin nuggets - thats all 7 chicken nuggets for tea when i got in at 7pm.

anyway finished work early and drove to get ds - thought gf would be at my house - but no i have to travel 10 miles in the wrong direction in rush hour to get her and then 15 miles the other way to get to clinic. anyway she got in car and said she asked her muma bout the implant her mum said she would think about it - she sid it was to do with her periods. so i said - well were going anyway. we went - they were there all of 3 mins. they gave her a leaflet and some condoms but said that she could get teh implant done there on a MONDAY.

well lets hope i broke that unseen barrier of being afraid of walking into a new place - they have done that already.

now i have to get her there on amonday - she says she is going to take leaflet to her house to show her mum - its in my car at the mo becuase they were all going to a teenage non alchoholic rave organised by the police which cost me £20 for 4 tickets. then had to go pick some other lad up - 10 miles away becuase hes been kicked out of his parents and has no train fare to get to said rave.

anyway - isaid ok - and let them think i am as thick as a donkeys donger. - had to go home to drop of a projector to fit in said lad first - so drove round for 2 hours and got home to rock hard chicken nuggets that could kill someone if you threw them. then just cried in a self pity kinda way cos i had no dinner today as i was busy ( my fault) house was a shit hole. everyones taking the piss. and i have to go pick son up at 11pm.

on the upside my youngest son apologised for something he did earlier. i said iwas sorry too.

i just thought that they would kinda sit them down - have a chat, but it was pants. am really dissapointed. kinda feel like im doing it on mi own. and i dont like decieving the girls mum - but have no choice.

anyway mn cheered me up. i made an avatar which stopped me from ranting at some poor newbie for no apparent reason!

slef pitying rant there - many agolipications.

thanks for asking - when its sorted your all invited for drinks at mine

OP posts:

winnie · 05/05/2006 21:36

oh custy. I am sorry you've had a shit day.

You must be exhausted (& hungry).
Hope you can relax this evening even just a bit before your out the door again to collect ds.

Original poster

Tortington · 05/05/2006 21:40

aww ta winnie xxx

OP posts:

ScummyMummy · 05/05/2006 22:13

Sounds like you're doing too much sweets. Make dh do some too soon. He may not have your emotionally supportive brilliance but he needs to take his turn being a taxi at least. And sort out your dinner too! Sorry it was a tough day hon.

Original poster

Tortington · 05/05/2006 22:23

ta scumster
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WWWontSlagOffAnyone · 06/05/2006 11:00

Sory you had a shite day custy, you made me laugh while describing it, hope your weekend's better. Ghosty, omg, lol at that meal!

serenity · 06/05/2006 11:03

After that evening, I think everybody should be running after you today! Tell 'em you're on strike and go back to bed.

bogwobbit · 06/05/2006 13:38

custy, you sound like a really nice mum :)
sorry you had such a shitty day.
It'll get easier eventually - at least that's what I keep telling myself, although in my case I probably have about another 18 years or so before then as my youngest dd is only 2 :(

MABS · 07/05/2006 14:30

babe, wot shit for you.see you soon xx

quanglewangle · 07/05/2006 14:43

I supply ds with condoms and his needs seem to be modest. If they increase do I assume a sex-life to be envied or am I supplying the village? And is he making a healthy profit out of it? I wouldn't put it past him.
Just a thought

winnie · 07/05/2006 21:24

quanglewangle

Custy, how is it going?

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