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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

oy vey, ds1, the GF and the miscarriage

139 replies

Tortington · 30/04/2006 18:01

dd was looking through ds1 moby messages and found a msg from his gf saying it was a miscarriage. now whether or not this happened - dont know - can't approach him or dd will never forgive me

i'm fast coming to the point of asking to have a chat with her mother - who is nice - we've been out she's ok - and not telling about supposed miscarriage but telling her they are having sex and perhaps she needs to think about taking her little girl to doctors for some contraception - i hae talks with ds about using a condom - and buy them for him - its as much as i can do.

what do you lot think?

OP posts:

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JanH · 01/05/2006 16:04

custy, I googled teenage drop-in centres and there is one at a Health Centre in your town - begins with a C or a D IIRC (did it last night, have forgotten)

motherinferior · 01/05/2006 16:16

Good one, WWW.

Tortington · 01/05/2006 17:09

thank you so much - found a family planning near me.

the nearest brook is on Jersey! but thank you

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MABS · 01/05/2006 17:22

God Custy, just seen this. You know where i am if you need anything. I know where the fp place is and they are very good. take care xx

Rhubarb · 01/05/2006 22:26

Ahh, she's 15, I didn't have any great life plan at that age either! If you remember I flunked my exams and bummed around doing YTS for a while waiting for something to just happen. I guess in my immature head I thought that I would marry someone and they would work and I would keep the house and have babies cause that's what everyone did in Oldham and that's what my family did more or less. Nothing was expected of me.
Just wait till she leaves school and is thrown into the real world of work, she might panic then and it's either have kids or get a decent education. I just hope she chooses the latter! Having kids sometimes seems the easiest option, you doss around the house whilst your dp goes out to earn a crust. You need to spell out the realities to her.

Tell your ds not to rely on the fact that she's taking the pill either (if she does). Not that she would deliberately set out to deceive, but at that age I wouldn't rely on them to take it properly. I really would use condoms as well.

But yes, the pill is the best way to go. Condoms and teenagers are not very reliable, I have two nieces and a daughter through condoms, and we were supposed grown-ups who knew all about them!!!!

JanH · 01/05/2006 22:31

My DDs have known about pill + condoms since they were c16 and the knowledge has served them well.

OTOH they also knew that if they did have a baby there would not be much in the way of childcare at our house and I think that's an important lesson for girls to learn.

Rhubarb · 01/05/2006 22:33

She can have ds for a while - he'll put her off for life! We're going to Lourdes next weekend, am thinking of dunking him in the water there to see if it makes any difference!!!

bogwobbit · 01/05/2006 22:39

Rhubarb,

lol :o
I was going to say much the same thing - a weekend (like the one we've just had!!)with my 2 year old is the best contraceptive I can imagine.

Tortington · 01/05/2006 23:34

just had a chat with ds. his hair is falling out and he is really worried about it - so i said "stress can make your hair fall out, if your stressed about anything - you can tell me"
he said "i know, i'm not stressed about anything ..except my hair falling out!"

so said i wanted a word with them both - he got really worried and asked what about - i said " sex... got the number for a local family planning clinic and will find out how it works - appt or drop in"
he said that she doesn't want to ( i've emntioned it before) as she will be embarrased.

i told him her dad will be fucking mortified when she tells him shes pregnant. i told him he could be done for statuatory rape, that he wouldnt beable to work on building sites like schools or elderly people places - he looked shit scared.

i told him to have a word with her becuase its going to mean 6 people in a very small bungelow ( her parents, ds, gf, and her sister) as they are NOT living here. i've done my bit - i said, i'm not doing babies anymore.

he said right.

so we will see!

thanks everyone

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HunKeRMunKeR · 01/05/2006 23:44

Sounds like you handled it brilliantly, Custy.

It doesn't get easier, does it?! Just different!

Tortington · 01/05/2006 23:51

it gets momentarily easier when they go to junior school, just when you think your life is on track and things are steady, you knwo where lifes going, your quite happy with yur parenting, the kids are happy - small problems along the way - next thing you knw you have a house full of teenagers and its a fkin nightmare. doors slamming, PMT ( dd obviously), sulking, crying ( usually the boys!) things go tits up, the teachers cally ou into school on sucha frequent basis that you think about asking for your own fkin parking space. what with drugs, parties, homework, GCSEs, and a full time job. its no wonder i can't give up smoking for more than 3 weeks at a time.

god that was a vent!!

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ghosty · 02/05/2006 02:27

Oh, blimey custy - and here I am blubbing about DS's first wobbly tooth and how time is going so fast

I think you did the right thing. My brother was having a very adult relationship with his girlfriend at 16 (she was 15 and used to stay over at our house) - my parents did talk to the gf's parents, very casually to find out if dbro was staying in her room when he stayed at their house and he was. My mum then sat dbro and his gf down and gave them a good talking too about pushing prams too early (and that she wasn't prepared to be a grandmother before she was 50). They must have been careful as gf never did fall pregnant.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 02/05/2006 18:29

Vent away custy - Teenagers, love 'em but God they're hard work.

My ds1 is losing his hair too Custy but looking at his dad his got no chance of keeping it. And on that subject, remember what they say about balding guys - that trip to the FP clinic is definitely needed!!!

Rhubarb · 02/05/2006 20:42

Happy Birthday Custy!
Hope he made up for your worry today by getting you something nice. And you know, they do nice toupees now!

WWWontSlagOffAnyone · 02/05/2006 21:27

Bloody hell custy, y'know I wasn't looking forward to teenagers before I read that! I hope you scared some sense into them/him.

Mog · 02/05/2006 21:59

Just glad mine are not going to have sex until they're married and never answer back (they're 4, 3 and 1.5 ).

ScummyMummy · 02/05/2006 22:13

Blimey- just seen this. Glad you talked with ds, hon. Sounds like a job well done.:) Is it your birthday? Happy birthday!

morningpaper · 02/05/2006 22:17

Custy what a great mum you are

Now I'm shitting myself though after your rant

Tortington · 02/05/2006 22:41

ah ta, your all ded nice!

well its not quite turned out how i planned - the latest is she is ging with her friend and they are both getting an implant

"when?" asks i
" err i dunno"
"well you better get a bloody shufty on, cos i need a date, if its not sorted soon, i'm going to her mum and she can bloody sort it"
" right"

we was going to sleep here tomorrow ( off school cos of elections) now she isn't ....i wonder why

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winnie · 02/05/2006 23:15

custy, happy birthday :)

I was glad to read you'd talked to ds but saddened by the latest developements. teenagers and sex is such a worry :(

FWIW, I think you are doing all you possibly can.

Dd cam home today to tell me that her friend who I supported at 14 and pregnant (she eventually had a miscarriage) thinks she is pregnant again after a one night stand with someone she'd never met before. They did not use contraception! she is 16 :( Dd is incredulous (which gives me hope) but I do believe that even presented with the consequences some people really don't take responsibility and don't believe it will happen to them.

Good luck with it all Custy your dil doesn't seem to be facing the very real possibilities and all because she'll be embarrassed!

Tortington · 02/05/2006 23:17

i know - thanks winnie, i will do everything i can - she has very little time before i go tell her mother.

then she'ss know fkin embarrased - they both will

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alexsmum · 02/05/2006 23:19

i can't believe all these teenagers having sex! pregnant for the 2nd time at 16

winnie · 02/05/2006 23:23

When I first read this title I thought the GF meant Gina Ford and couldn't work out the connection... which is why I took a look

alexmum, I am not a prude but I am frankly shocked by the promiscuity I see in some teenagers I come across or dd tells me about.

alexsmum · 02/05/2006 23:31

absolutely winnie!! don't get me wrong we used to do the whole snogging each other at every opportunity thing but not full blown sex{shock]

i think it's to do with the whole way our'culture' seems to have sexualised.
Dh bought me a copy of more magazine in the supermarket the other night.i am obviously at least 10 years too old for it's demographic! and the whole thing was just about sex.ways to have sex,what men think about sex,what to wear while having sex etc etc.and this is aimed at teenagers .
one of the boys they were asking about his attitudes to sex said he wouldn't have oral sex with a girl on a one night stand because 'you don't know where she's been'.what kind of attitude is this? should you be having sex with someone if you feel this way?

Tortington · 02/05/2006 23:32

'm not apologising for the fact that if it was my dd and not my ds - i would break her fuckin legs. twice

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