14 year old son sending very sexually explicit messages to girl he has just met

[bargainmad]

who is also aged 14 - I found them when I was using his ipad and his facebook app popped up.

He met her on Saturday at the leisure complex near us and on Sunday it was - I knew you were desperate to suck me off etc etc and I hope you are wearing more appropriate clothing as we won't be able t o do much with that jumpsuit you were wearing etc etc.

We have had words tonight and I have told him this is not appropriate for a 14 year old. He says she is now his girlfriend like this should make any difference.

This is the first sign of any interest in girls and is very worrying. She did reply to his messages and say maybe we should just chill but this is just too much too son.

Maybe he feels he needs to act like this and it is expected of him?? I have told him it is not and the majority of 14 year old girls would not like to be "harrassed" like this sexually.

Am I right? This is all new to me - we did and still do have problems with our 17 year old but not girl related as I think he was put off for life when he got dumped by a girl at the age of nearly 15 and took it very badly.

some of the posts like 'allowing your son to watch porn' is very OTT and making the OP out to be some disturbingly lax parent.

well really its just a curious 14 year old sneaking some porn.

She knew he was using porn, over a period of time

For a dependent child, that means "allow" because she could, and should have stopped it

Its very hard to find good software blocks everything, things like safesearch hardly cut it she was probably doing all she could.

People are so stuck on that they aren't saying 'well done for saying something'.

Plus I expect she though hes a hormonal teenage boy being curious not 'a future sex predator'.

Yes she should have stopped the porn use!

Our pc is in the dining room. The children have theit own accounts each set with a password that they and we know with appropriate parental controls. ds1 is 13, his mobile doesnt have internet access. he has a kindle but we have the passcode to the wifi and anything he downliads shows up in our email account as we usef that to register the kindle.

Have also talked to him about sex and porn etc. its your responsibility as a parent to do so! He knows he can talk to us about anything (as do all our children) we have been.open about sex etc in an age appropriate way since they were little and they have and do ask us about stuff ie slang related to sex they hear at school ir any physical concerns etc.

The op just gave her son a book and left it at that! Ffs

If any of my sons sent messages like this then we would be having serious words and restrictions on fb, mibiles, internet access etc.

If the ops son carries on doing this it is sexual harrassment and not ok.

Most parents are not very internet savvy though its a domain children often know better than their parents if you get me?

neglect in that sense isn't often deliberate its just most wouldn't know where to start.

You need to get the message to him - tell him of your disapproval in the strongest possible terms. The fact that most people do something does not necessarily make it either right or desirable. Try asking him how he would feel if the girl showed the messages to her mother/father/teacher as a joke or forwarded them to her friends.

No and i dint really but have a family member who is and inlisted their help as as a parent it is my responsibility to make sure my children access the internet safely! So i got help. thete are prog you can.buy/downliad etc. Various filters and you can get help from a professional if needs be. she knew he was looking at porn and didnt do anything to stop it!

my parents just gave me a book, with parts stapled up because they were too graphic in their eyes (religious).
Its not ideal but its not the end of the world.

they may be poorly educated themselves and think 'well this will tell him' or like mine are simply too embarrassed?.

I think tbh re: boys accessing porn they have been doing it since time immemorial. Back in our day it was boys nicking someone's dads videos or magazines - it's just access is easier nowadays.

That may be so, but when it starts to cross over into RL, you have a problem

If tis boy thinks this is an acceptable way to talk to girls, he has a problem

well yes but the mum is asking for advice , and some of the responses will encourage head in the sand parenting because of borderline abusive responses are not worth the hassle.

And plus he'll probably be so embarrassed by being knocked back he won't do it again. who here can honestly say they've never made an arse of themselves male or female in a relationship context?.

This mum was denying any parental responsibility, and has been rightly picked up on it

If she was denying any responsibility she wouldn't care enough to post on here surely?

Read her posts again

Then read the flounce

Do they sound like someone taking responsibility?

My parents just gave me a book too. But when I was a teenager the Internet didn't even exist. Well it did but it was Tom burness lee in a cupboard.

"That may be so, but when it starts to cross over into RL, you have a problem

If tis boy thinks this is an acceptable way to talk to girls, he has a problem"

This. How/why/when he accesses porn is a side-issue. If I got a text like that, even from someone I fancied hugely, I'd run a mile. My daughters would probably not only run a mile but be put off boys for years hmm, no bad thing. This is what OP's son needs to realise.

for the most part yes she sounds like someone who was being harrassed to the point she was obviously wasting her time.

there's too much of a pack mentality sometimes.

Really? 'you wanna suck me c* don't you" or similar is something we got a lot in school.

Seems more like a silly little boy who will learn girls run a mile?

Qs, precisely

There is a lot of fallout from kids having porn access and sharing it, it is mostly boys, it is not exclusively boys sharing porn and not just parents of boys struggling with an open close relationship with their dc. Teen's are difficult to parent.

Teens are very difficult to parent < counts grey hairs >

Ignoring porn use however, is not a good option

Why is the op getting flamed for asking for advice...she obviously is looking for advice on how to deal with her ds. I will certainly think twice before posting on here