14 year old son sending very sexually explicit messages to girl he has just met

[bargainmad]

who is also aged 14 - I found them when I was using his ipad and his facebook app popped up.

He met her on Saturday at the leisure complex near us and on Sunday it was - I knew you were desperate to suck me off etc etc and I hope you are wearing more appropriate clothing as we won't be able t o do much with that jumpsuit you were wearing etc etc.

We have had words tonight and I have told him this is not appropriate for a 14 year old. He says she is now his girlfriend like this should make any difference.

This is the first sign of any interest in girls and is very worrying. She did reply to his messages and say maybe we should just chill but this is just too much too son.

Maybe he feels he needs to act like this and it is expected of him?? I have told him it is not and the majority of 14 year old girls would not like to be "harrassed" like this sexually.

Am I right? This is all new to me - we did and still do have problems with our 17 year old but not girl related as I think he was put off for life when he got dumped by a girl at the age of nearly 15 and took it very badly.

Chub he wasn't embarrassed because he's cooked up a construct of what women like in a complete moral vacuum because of his parents embarrassment.
Oh irony.

Yeah, but I'm still suprised that nobody's said that snooping on your teenager's messages is not entirely right.

What a complete load of bollocks MrsjREwing - looks like I have wasted my time on here.

OP is signing out - this has just got ridiculous.

Bye Bye.

What a surprise.

Snooping? Or monitoring your younger teenager's internet use (which you pay for, and should be on condition of responsible use)?

Actually.

I'd have his phone & ipad off him, & put a decent filter on the home internet.

He needs a very clear message that this is wholly inappropriate behaviour, if he's not utterly mortified at his mum finding out...

I would absolutely read my children's messages. My job is to parent not to be a cool best friend.

You haven't wasted your time. If a germ of a suggestion of an iota of the idea that you have the right and duty to educate your sons in these matters has got through to you, it's been a worthwhile thread.

LapsedP has said everything I'd like to say (probably more coherently). For the first time I now understand why people ask for a 'like' button on MN.

OP, what has got you annoyed?

No, I don't think I'm a cool best friend either, but equally I often have to tell myself not to look because their private conversations are not my business, and trust them to make their own mistakes if need be.

Im not saying its easy or intuitive but there is a point where you shouldn't look, and if you do you should be prepared to see some things you won't like. I am still ot sure where I think that point is, but I certainly think 14 is grey enough an area that as parents we shouldn't assume their private messages are our automatic property.

And so does op, which is why she fudged it by pretending that her sons Facebook inbox just simply popped into her eyes on his iPad.

I have never looked at my dd's messages at a matter of course, because she hasn't ever given me cause, but you can bet your ass that if I saw an incoming message pop up on the iPad/phone (and yes, they do on Apple, or at least the first line or so) that suggested explicit sexual messages were being exchanged, I would certainly look. And take action, if need be, because that's kinda my job.

iMessages do, Facebook doesn't.

Good posts lapsed. I'm going to use your advice in a few years when my dd is a bit older.

I don't know what I would do if my dd got a message like that from a boy. Not nothing though.

My Facebook notifications do. Perhaps it depends which app you use?

My Facebook messages pop up on my iPhone, I've got the messenger app thing though. Well the first couple of lines do anyway.

Yeah me and my girls share an iPad, their messaging history does not pop up unbidden. A new one might I suppose.

And I totally see why you'd look, or want to look, but I am astounded that the issue of 'when do you stop snooping' hasn't even been mentioned.

As I said, Nit, I don't. But if I saw something incidentally like that which rang alarm bells, I'd definitely open it.

Dd1's ex-boyfriend had the cheek to message me on Facebook once they'd split up, trying to grass her up for copping off with another boy after they had split up. I didn't even tell her I'd seen the message, much less reply or sanction her, because she is entitled to privacy and I trust her and think he is a spiteful little shit . So I'm not some monster, or over-involved. But if I was genuinely concerned, yes, I'd want to look at how she had been using Facebook.

For the people who misread my post I said 14 is too young to be putting implications on a child that means assuming they are a misogynist.

the fact she has spoken to him about this means she is addressing the possible issues this shows.

If she was burying her head in the sand she would not have made this post at all I'm thinking tbh.

Was it the thought that you weren't close or open, thought of being a Granny or the thought the DH watched porn?

Despite the rudeness, hope your ds sorts himself out.

I feel for the OP she was never going to get a rational discussion on this subject.

OMG MISOGYNIST FOAMERS!!! are going to twist everything she says , she put her neck on the line posting on here.
Have some respect or don't post it really is that simple I hope the OP is okay.

How about you take your own advice, and show some respect yourself.

to who ? the people twisting the OP's words in order to have a bunfight?, they aren't deserving of respect thats the point.

No one was having a bunfight. You seem to be looking for one though.