14 year old son sending very sexually explicit messages to girl he has just met

[bargainmad]

who is also aged 14 - I found them when I was using his ipad and his facebook app popped up.

He met her on Saturday at the leisure complex near us and on Sunday it was - I knew you were desperate to suck me off etc etc and I hope you are wearing more appropriate clothing as we won't be able t o do much with that jumpsuit you were wearing etc etc.

We have had words tonight and I have told him this is not appropriate for a 14 year old. He says she is now his girlfriend like this should make any difference.

This is the first sign of any interest in girls and is very worrying. She did reply to his messages and say maybe we should just chill but this is just too much too son.

Maybe he feels he needs to act like this and it is expected of him?? I have told him it is not and the majority of 14 year old girls would not like to be "harrassed" like this sexually.

Am I right? This is all new to me - we did and still do have problems with our 17 year old but not girl related as I think he was put off for life when he got dumped by a girl at the age of nearly 15 and took it very badly.

I'm not saying there are any 14 year olds who haven't accessed Internet porn, but there's no good reason to just sit back and say "I can't do this, I can't do that". You need decent firewall software and some straight talking.

You can block porn sites on smartphones- perhaps post in Geeky Stuff to find out how?

I find this all worrying too, tbh, especially the bullying/pressurising aspect. Where is his respect?

To be honest I think it is inappropriate for any guy to send messages like that, regardless of age but I am a prude. If it was a guy I hadn't known long (and I'm talking adult here, not kid) I would think he was only interested in sex, and that he was sleazy, and if we were in a relationship then I would expect a bit more respect, and more romance with less sleaze! I think maybe your son needs to learn to be more respectful of women, and to understand that it isn't ok to say things like this to people, particularly people he has just met. But then I have never been a teenage boy, so I don't know if they think they have to do this to be cool, or if it is normal or acceptable or what.

My teenagers do not have internet on their phones, they don't need it. They can only get internet via our hub and through our filters. If you are worried about porn it is possible to stop him accessing it at home or via a phone. Of course he could see things in other peoples houses, but at least he would understand that it's not something you have at your home.

Erm, you are very blase about your son's use of porn

How long have you been allowing him access to porn sites ?

Because that is what you have been doing.

And you wonder why he is messaging a girl he just met about being sucked off ?

I consider myself a responsible parent and look on websites, read books for advice etc but when it comes to boys and sex I really do think a lot of parents bury their heads in the sand and hope for the best until something like this crops up - I was lucky enough to find these messages almost straightaway - how many parents are blissfully unaware what their boys are up to?

I don't know many people who are comfortable enough to discuss the ins and outs of relationships sex etc with their sons - with their daughters it might be completely different as they are desperate for them not to have sex too early and get pregnant.

I just asked my dd's where the boys get the porn, Dad's, older Brother's and cousins supply it or have it stolen from them.

I'm not shocked at all. I was sleeping with my boyfriend at 14. If your not happy op then sit your son down and have a word. Tell him how to be safe.

You seem to have missed out the sex chat stage and just given him a book . Then you have compounded this by allowing porn in the house....

You do know girls don't get pregnant all by themselves, don't you?

It's completely irrelevant to your parenting of your son whether other parents allow smart phones, talk openly about sex and porn etc. Hes your son. It's your responsibility. God I'm tired of hearing myself say "I do y care what x's mother allows, you're my son and I'm your mother and the answer is no" and my son is six.

*dont

Can anyone tell me how I can get every porn site in the world barred from the computer, ipad and phone my son has - he has a blackberry.

Maybe I have been blase about this - maybe he hears boys talk like this in school, I don't know.

Parents of girls have to have these conversations because of head in the sand slacker parents like you.

Mrs JR Ewing - do you mean magazines?

Well without being facetious I just googled blocking porn and got various YouTube walk throughs and adverts on how to do it so it can't be that hard.

I would be equally worried about one of my boys fathering a child in early teens as having one of my daughters getting pregnant.

He clearly isn't embarrassed about talking about sex, so just have a talk and make it clear what your expectations are, and if you decide to stop him watching porn tell him why you think it's important.

They put porn on bc's, my dd's remove kids that do that, girls do it too.

I have good communication with my dd's they saw stuff showed me, I said delete that person it is inappropriate they just keep deleting, they have few contacts now due to porn, swearing rants, bitching, bullying, fights between kids, it was bleep bleep bleep until those people were deleted.

Im a mother of 3 boys (soon to be 4) and I may be over reacting but I would have removed the ipad, and his phone. And there is no way he would be going to meet the girl either. It's so massively disrespectful of him to send those messages, I don't care what his hormones are telling him. I have filters on our Internet - yes boys look at porn, but under my roof with me making it easy for them - no way. They are minors, not adults.

I would be horrified in your situation I really would.

FFS it's not about 'being comfortable enough' to discuss this...
I've been having this conversation since my dcs were toddlers, in response to questions about top shelf magazines, about adverts, my comments on seeing gestures or other's behaviour.
You can't just bung him a book on sex and condone his porn use and not have this as the outcome.

usb, bluetooth text, email etc.

You need to have a more open relationship with your ds.

You obviously can't foolproofly ensure he can't access porn, but by not even trying you're sending a big message that it's fine to do so.
it really isn't

I AM HORRIFIED!! THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO GET ACROSS.

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY FORWARD?????

I HAVE TALKED TO HIM TODAY, WILL TALK TO HIM AGAIN TOMORROW AND EVERY OTHER DAY, WILL BAN ALL COMPUTER ACCESS UNTIL WE CAN GET THE PORN STOPPED (LIKE I SAID, THIS IS NOT REGULAR AS I CHECK THE HISTORY).

YY lambethill. Even now I have conversations about boundaries with ds - it doesn't matter how much you want to hug or kiss someone or how kindly you mean it, if they don't want you to then you must not do it.

I do agree that you can't just let it slide because of "hormones", and you could do with taking some action. Part of growing up into a civilised human being is about making decisions based on what is right, not on what you feel like. Otherwise, we'd all just walk out of a shop with a flat screen tv, wouldn't we? If people were genuinely at the mercy of their impulses and couldn't exercise judgement at all, we wouldn't have progressed past the Neanderthal era, would we?

Well here's everyone worrying about what he said and why - to varying levels of reasonableness- is nobody going to comment that Facebook apps do not 'just pop up' on an iPad, and nor do they force anybody's inbox messages on anyone else?