Bed time 16 year old (boring, sorry)

[Fiendishlie]

My DS turns 16 in September and starts year 11 at school. What time should I be sending him off to bed (given that he can read in bed if he wishes as I have never needed to enforce a 'lights out' policy).
I think I may have been sending him off too early and with him hitting 16 I have suddenly noticed he's a very big boy now

Oh god...Minecraft! That's why my 13yr old ds has to have a regulated bedtime or he'd never sleep or brush his teeth, hair, etc etc

Maryz I've only just realised it as I was reading through the thread; dd was the same as your ds2, always an argument but now it's more like invasion of the body snatchers

I think having pointed out to her that getting a good amount of sleep helps you to look gorgeous and having a slightly older boyfriend may also have helped; also that they're being trusted to be more grown up?

Goofus - Yes, I used to think like that, but now I get my sleep when I can

There are rules?

As someone so eloquently put it

"I'm knackered. Going to bed at 2am last night was a bad idea." is unlikely to have much impact on boys.

Thinking back to when I was the only 'young one' left at home and my Mum worked shifts (Dad died ~8 years earlier), so might work from 07:00 or finish at 22:00, leaving me to do what I wanted, I remember sometimes being up until gone midnight (listening to shortwave radio) or up before 6am doing the same, in the attic (so had to go on tiptoe not to make a noise!)

I was 16 when I went to college, so was definitely younger when this was going on. There weren't the range of TV shows or games machines (I was nearly out of my teens before the Atari 2600 came out), so did I do much school work - hell NO!

I took Maths and English Lang in '74, took another 9 'O' levels in '75, and only passed 5 of them, and even managed an 'unclassified' (in Latin, as I didn't especially like the teacher, our head!). Most of my class, even the 'thick' ones, got 10 or 11, so 7 was pretty poor.

So leave it to them is, if they want to not do well at school, one way of letting them go on, while setting some boundaries probably works better.

PS for those who turn off internet routers at night, it's generally a bad idea as it will often make the exchange slow your connection down (can be as much as 50% slower).

NetworkGuy that's what the BT engineer who installed our new router said. The DCs looked at him gleefully and my heart sank a little.

You can, however, turn the wireless service off, hopefully, LineRunner (you will need to connect to the router's configuration screen to do so, and remember that to turn the wireless back on, you need to plug in with an ethernet cable, as the wireless link will be down).

It will depend on the ISP, router (and whether you have the login details, of course) but could come as a shock to them if 'the internet' goes 'down' at 22:30 each night!!! (They will then perhaps investigate breaking into the wi-fi service from a neighbour, or using a mobile phone instead.)

There are times when cables do have their uses (LEDs show when there is activity, too, so it is obvious if someone is doing a lot of downloading when they should be asleep).

Presumably you can confiscate all devices that access the Internet at night though?

Dd1 has an old desktop pc in her bedroom, so not easily confiscatable, lol, although I have taken away her mouse and keyboard in the past!

I had a bedtime of 9 o'clock for all the DCs when they were small, but once they turned 14/15 they decided for themselves when they would go to bed.

They did homework in their rooms on their laptops, studied, and went to bed whenever that was finished, or actually whenever they felt like it. As long as they were up in the morning (using their own alarm clocks - I don't go into their rooms in the morning) in time for school (leaving home just before 7.30 am), washed, breakfast eaten, dressed and bag packed that was fine by me.

Laptops made it possible for everyone to watch whatever they wanted to and freed up the tv for me and the nonteens.

The rule was that if their grades kept up they were free to run their own lives, play whatever sports they felt like playing, go out with friends whenever they wanted to and no curfew. Also, no music unless using earphones. It worked for them and for me.

Usually at least two of them took a shower at night and one in the morning so we weren't all banging desperately on the bathroom door at the same time.

If it wasnt causing a problem (innapropriate use of internet) and wasn't preventing them getting up in the morning I wouldn't bother a jot.

But if it was causing issues I would confiscate up to the age of 18. Perhaps it's because of my boarding school training but I just don't flinch away from confiscating things off 6foot teenagers. I wouldn't do it without cause but I couldnt live with 'you can't do that totally reasonable thing to me' as the prevalent attitude. If I'm still the adult, and it's still my house, I'm still making the 'reasonable' rules.

Ali, I would simply take the power cord in your case! (and have!)

I have 3 DDs all in thier 20's now,but when they were 16 they decided thier own bedtime. In a couple of years he'll be off to uni and you won't be able to tell him when to go to bed then.

Mine are all older now. I would say that 16 was the age to decide for themselves-they are generally sensible-they need experience before they get to adulthood.

My DD is 16 and goes to College this September, she goes actually up to her room around 10-11 but reads or watches something (with headphones). I think she varies the time she actually goes to sleep depending on the time she has to awaken in the morning. My other DD is 4 so goes to bed around 6:30. The two share a room so it's difficult for DD(16) to actually get to bed without waking her sister. She also isnt allowed an alarm incase it wakes her younger sibling so I have to also get up to make sure she is ready for school etc. :(

Our rule is that bedtime gets later by 15 minutes a year and at 16 they go to bed at 10pm with lights out at 10.30. My 14 year old currently goes to bed at 9.30 with lights out at 10.

At 16 it must be tricky when even things like Scouts and school events end later. I was babysitting at 16- not something you can do if you are supposed to be at home in bed at 10pm.

The issue here isn't the bedtimes - the issue is the grim realisation that when you have teenagers you kiss goodbye to ever getting that quality alone time slumped in front of that telly again. It just goes. You have no time alone whatsoever. It's a bitter pill.

I appreciate what my mother said now. She was very strict with my bedtime but then relaxed with my younger siblings - it irritated me. She said that it was for her benefit and once you had one up you might as well have them all up.

I always used to read anyway and once it was lights out I was under the bedclothes with a torch, if the book was good.

We are in Scotland so schools went back last week and I had this very conversation with dd1. We have had a summer of her deciding her own bedtime and I could see from Facebook she was up til 3/4/5. Her behaviour became obsessive and she slipped away from the rest of the family. If she had to get up she did but was completely foul to be around, would fall asleep on the sofa at teatime and repeat. She proved to me she does not self regulate and is not mature enough to decide for herself. She has exams this year in November and then next may and I'm not allowing her to screw things up over sleep. I was allowed to choose when I slept and missed a lot of school from being overtired.

What we have agreed is school days she goes to bed same ish time as me, ten ish and leaves all electronics out of her room. Weekends she can decide herself as long as she gets up by ten am on Sunday and is back on track for sleeping Sunday night. Not sure I've it's what I planned to do with a 15 year old but I feel I'm letting her down by watching her slip into a depression by not managing it for herself.

I like the phrase they need gentle guidance at 16. Remember reading years ago which comes in handy now - teens need to feel you are negotiating with them even if it is actually you encouraging what you think is best!

My 16 DC has discussed with me how much sleep he needs - he would stay up late on xbox with friends if we let him. We also usually take the phone. We say things along lines of isn't it reasonable to sleep earlier on a school night?

Actually if he really tried to be up too late, we would put our foot down. If he reads that is his choice but phones/computer and xbox they need saving from even at 16.

However, at 16 we can sort of negotiate with him, encourage him to make the right choice.