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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Bed time 16 year old (boring, sorry)

158 replies

Fiendishlie · 11/08/2012 14:26

My DS turns 16 in September and starts year 11 at school. What time should I be sending him off to bed (given that he can read in bed if he wishes as I have never needed to enforce a 'lights out' policy).
I think I may have been sending him off too early and with him hitting 16 I have suddenly noticed he's a very big boy now

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiRing · 12/08/2012 14:19

Same as forever - dd cooks a few nights a week, gets herself about on her moped, buys her own clothes out of her wages, does her own laundry. She is pretty much an adult.

bloodyfurious · 12/08/2012 14:20

Oh there are times I might like to too but I wouldn't send them to their rooms to get them out of the way - teen is
More likely to do that to me when there are mates over!

Such a hardship when he offers to mind smaller ones so we can pop out.

insanityscratching · 12/08/2012 14:22

Forever that's what happens here because they are young adults at the end of the day and being able to look after themselves and contribute is a skill they need to have before they leave home. That's not to say if I put a load of washing in I wouldn't wash something of theirs in the basket much the same as if they put on a load they wouldn't put something of mine or their siblings in at the same time. As far as food is concerned and everything else tbh the person with the opportunity at least starts the task.

yellowraincoat · 12/08/2012 14:26

I am jealous of your daughter's moped, GetOrf. How cool is that?

ll31 · 12/08/2012 14:27

Seems v controlling for 16 yr old and be early. .. have 12 yr old who has more controlof his bed times than that-which is how it should be be imo

GetOrfMoiRing · 12/08/2012 14:30

I know - it is very cool. I tried to have a go last year when she got it - I jumped off after 10 inches out of fright.

It is wonderful as it has given her a load of indendence without having to rely on buses.

I had kittens when she first had it, though.

yellowraincoat · 12/08/2012 14:33

My partner used to live in Bermuda and he had a Vespa there. Always talks of getting one again so we can dash through the London streets looking cool.

Having one at 16 is another thing again though, she must be the envy of her mates.

RubyFakeNails · 12/08/2012 14:33

Yep teens cook, often for themselves then a night each per week for us, as we don't all eat together. They provide most of my childcare for dd2 when I'm not available. Younger 1 hasn't got a job yet as is really busy doing an internship and training but older 1 as. They buy themselves things but I also buy them stuff although that's more to do with my enjoyment. Don't need to ferry them around we live in Zone 2. By 14 or 15 mine were effectively adults, haven't had bed times since as long as I can remember, I don't believe in them.

If you want space tell them to go away to another room, or you go to your room and ask to be alone.

GetOrfMoiRing · 12/08/2012 14:35

It's quite common for kids to have mopeds around here, lots of her friends have them (she is the only girl though). If we lived in the countryside I wouldn't let her have one (not a good idea on country lanes) but it is a great idea in a small city like this, especially as the buses are a bit crap. It used to take her 45 mins to get to school via 2 buses and a walk, now it takes less than 10.

aliportico · 12/08/2012 14:40

" If you want space tell them to go away to another room" - er, yes, that's what I've been saying I do. The only other rooms available are all bedrooms though! Not sure what the difference is?

alistron1 · 12/08/2012 14:44

Yeah, the only rooms we have are their bedrooms!! Would love to go to my room but I can't watch the telly or mumsnet from there

RubyFakeNails · 12/08/2012 14:46

Yes but sending them to bed is like saying dont want to see you until the next day.

I tend to just go and empty the dishwasher or have a bath or they do. Seems bizarre to me to send them off until the next morning especially if it's too early for their bed time.

aliportico · 12/08/2012 14:53

Seeing as none of mine have ever complained, I'm not concerned. And generally I don't have to ask because they want to go and get on with their own stuff - I don't usually want to watch whatever programme dd1 is currently into, so she'll disappear to her room anyway. And often then pop out again and ambush me after everyone else has gone to bed and I'm pottering about letting the dog out/doing final tidy in the kitchen/whatever - apparently this is the best time to tell me her thoughts about all sorts of bollocks interesting things. Not seeing her until the next day is a vain hope ;-)

usualsuspect · 12/08/2012 15:02

I love talking to my teenage DS. I can't imagine banishing him to his room because I don't want him around.

usualsuspect · 12/08/2012 15:02

Although he spends most of his time in his room through choice anyway TBH.

BringBack1996 · 12/08/2012 15:09

I wish my teenage son would stay downstairs on an evening and talk to us! On a school night he usually gets in at around 6:30, eats with us/helps with the washing up and then disappears to his room for the night to do homework/facebook etc :(. Neither him nor DD have a bedtime - both stopped when they were around 9/10. If I were you I would sit back and enjoy the evenings you have with him before he starts to spends more time outside and in his room!

usualsuspect · 12/08/2012 15:12

I have to talk to my DS on FB chat

He sorted his own bedtime out at 16

LineRunner · 12/08/2012 15:15

aliportico my DD does this - catches me sometimes at night for a talk - when I'm doing stuff like reading in bed or watching a meteor shower in the back garden.... maybe it's because they don't feel like they are 'disturbing' us or something?

Maryz · 12/08/2012 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellybeans · 12/08/2012 15:17

My 13 and 15 (almost 16) YO go to bed on their own accord at about 10 30pm. I would probs send them by 11 if still awake on school nights. Weekends I am not fussy with any of DC's bedtimes (we get up late weekends) but they do need to be in their own room and not wandering round after 12 midnight.

usualsuspect · 12/08/2012 15:18

I would never tell them to go away though if they were trying to talk to me.

aliportico · 12/08/2012 15:19

Oh well, I just wouldn't have stuff like that on Mary! Fussy and harsh, that's me ;-)

LineRunner I think mine just spots a chance when there's no other competition!

LineRunner · 12/08/2012 15:22

That 'meteor shower' comment of mine belongs in Pseuds' Corner. I know it.

aliportico · 12/08/2012 15:22

Lol usualsuspect if my dd were talking to me about anything important obviously I wouldn't send her away. But I have fallen asleep on the sofa whilst she wittered on about the Great Gatsby, and I kind of have an internal rule that if I haven't said anything for about twenty minutes, then it's a monologue not a conversation, and she can continue it by herself ;-)

BringBack1996 · 12/08/2012 15:22

I'm pretty sure that I have been blocked by DS on Facebook, usual :o

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