Bed time 16 year old (boring, sorry)

[Fiendishlie]

My DS turns 16 in September and starts year 11 at school. What time should I be sending him off to bed (given that he can read in bed if he wishes as I have never needed to enforce a 'lights out' policy).
I think I may have been sending him off too early and with him hitting 16 I have suddenly noticed he's a very big boy now

I think for the most part we agree auf.

I don't think the OP was seriously suggesting calling it 'bedtime' with her DC, or neccersarily sticking to it every day (if other commitments get in the way).

But using 10.30-10.45 as a rough guide for when to nudge him in the direction of bed seems sensible to me.

t's inevitable there'll be a tricky couple of years around this age, and it's not surprising different parents have different responses... At 13 they're obviously young, smaller than you, and have to get up at 7am most days... By 17 they're nocturnal, they want to be up much later than you can cope with, and you can't make them go to bed. Somewhere in between you have to negotiate that change... And it'll be a bit different for everyone :)

I was wondering whether those who say they don't send their teenagers to their bedroom have somewhere else for them to be in the evening? We have our living room and that's that. The kids have a bedroom each with computers etc in, but we don't have a tv in our room. So if dh and I want to watch a film or something without a running teenage commentary, they get sent off to their rooms, or each other's rooms if they want. I realised when dd1 was less than 2 that there wasn't much I could do about when she went to sleep!

And no, we only have one sitting room. I quite like the fact that they actually come in and watch tv with us

We are the same and I agree it lovely to have time like that.

yep, we're the same here

we all sit in the living room and argue over the telly, or chat about the day and usually have a laugh/fight every night, depending on who's in/out

I have friends with bigger houses and 2 living rooms where the kids and the parents always seem to be in separate rooms, sure it cuts out the fights but it also cuts out the chat/keeping in touch with each other

anyway re:bedtime< I think 9.30 is a ridiculous time for a 16 yr old to get sent to their room, share the evenings a bit more, before you know it they'll have left home and you'll have the telly to yourself for ever more

I think it is a bit odd to send them away to have child free time. At 16 they are not like tiresome toddlers who want to watch Toy Story again. They are adults you can have a decent conversation with sometimes.

I wouldn't have an 'off you go it's half 9' routine with dd. Sometimes if she looks tired I will pack her off to bed and tell her to turn the light out, but ordinarily that is something she decides for herself, at 16 she is plently old enough.

BTW op, whats shooting club?

Child free time? With 16 year olds? They're hardly children, what exactly are you taking a break from, ith toddlers and children I understand but my teens are more like spending time with sort of simple friends rather than children.

We have a version of separate sitting rooms, we all have tv in our bedrooms and I also have my cupboard under the stairs butttt invariably we sit together. Seem times it's a mix of maybe DS and I in one room and DH with DD1 in another but a large amount of the time we sit together.

ssd I'm not sure but I'd imagine it's where you do things like clay pigeon shooting and target practice?

Maybe it's like those gun clubs you see on US shows, I don't know but that's what I thought when I read it.

Dd is 16 next month and goes to bed about 10 of her own accord.
She's usually in adifferent room anyway..we don't watch tv together unless it's Corrie. That's about the only thing I watch!

Id never send my 16 year old to bed, so I can have "child free time", 16 isnt a child.

Mine just heads off when he likes.

Will you still be sending him to his room at 17?? 18??

My 14yo DD goes to bed (lights out and sleep, not reading first her reading voluntarily would be laughable at 10pm on a school night, 11pm at weekends/holidays.

Any earlier and I would have to put my very early rising DS2 to bed too early for him IYSWIM.

School nights my DS2 (nearly 9yo) goes at 9pm (and wakes at 5am), DS1 (10.5yo) goes at 9.30pm, and DD at 10. DD could really do with more sleep, but it is based around when DS2 naturally wakes, and the fact that my DS3 (18mo) is a night owl who refuses to EVER fall asleep before 11pm, and rises at 6am. So I don't want DS2 awake before 5am if I never get to bed before midnight, and sometimes later due to DS3. Hence DD's bedtime HAVING to be at 10.

Trying to juggle everyone's sleep needs here is like trying to juggle with an octopus and flaming swords at the same time!

Some good posts by aufaniae.
I have to agree, parenting a 16 yr old (or indeed, younger) is about guiding them to learn to make decisions by themself, not dictating things all the time. It's a learning curve - many of them will be away at University 2 years hence, when you will have no idea what they are up to at any particular time of day or night.

DD will have a 'bedtime' until she finishes year 11. Her GCSE's are too important for her to not get enough sleep. Once she has finished Y11 (she will be 16 and 4 months in the July), she will get to decide for herself when to go to bed.

I can see her being up at least as late as me, though, as she is fairly nocturnal like me.

I'm going to agree more with the original posters and say that yes, a 16 year old boy may well need a bedtime, depending on the child. I'm a teacher and regularly see the consequences of kids who are allowed to stay up too late with too many distractions - X-Box, TV in bedroom, laptop / Ipad / Iphone. A lot of our 4th and 5th years are completely and chronically exhausted and when gently quizzed will admit that they were up till all hours watching TV / streaming stuff onto IPad etc. It's easy to hear parents coming, they just knock the TV off and pretend to be asleep. Turning off the WiFi is a good idea.

There is sometimes an attitude that 16 year olds are adults but they aren't. They are getting there and some are very mature but many of them (boys especially) are not good at weighing up short term vs long term gratification. They would rather have the short term pleasure of watching TV / playing games etc than getting enough sleep to function at school.

IMHO 10-10.30 is a perfectly reasonable time for a child of that age to go to their room for the night.

PS: I do think 9.30 is a bit too early, unless your DS is able to watch TV etc in his room. Personally I would rather a child stayed up later and didn't have a TV in their room but that's just me - I hate TVs in bedrooms full stop, including my own :)

Maybe I'm just a horrible mother then, but having had 4 of them talk at me since 4 pm, by 9.30 I'm ready for some peace! I'm really not worried about not spending enough time with them :-) Last night at 3am the 14yo, 15yo and I were watching Big Cook Little Cook on YouTube

lol at big cook little cook at 3am

Some of you have made nasty responses to a perfectly innocent question.
When he was 11 he had a bedtime, and 12 and 13. All of a sudden he is 15 and it is still the thing that on a school night he goes off at 9:30 to shower and go to his room etc. I was asking if you thought I should suggest he stays up later.
His computer is in the living room, it always has been as it is supposed to be good that computers are in family rooms for Internet safety when they are younger.
He does not watch the tv. I try to encourage him to come and sit with us and take an interest in the shows we watch but it is quite rare that he does. I managed to persuade him to watch the opening ceremony with me 2 weeks ago.
He has an air rifle and an air pistol and he and DH shoot a couple of times a week. Targets not bunnies.

bed time for a 16 year old???????????

I'm amazed that people set bedtimes for a 16 year old. He'll soon learn what time he should be going to bed if he's knackered at school all the time.

Also amazed that you'd encourage him to sit and watch TV when he's not interested. I hate watching TV (except sport) and it's all my parents do. Maybe do something more interesting of an evening and he'd join you?