Have found a completely naked picture of DS1s GF on his phone. What now?

[Goober]

She is proper starkers!
Have quizzed him as to whether or not they have had sex, he says no.
Have confescated phone and laptop.
Spoke to him at length about how wrong it is.
Told GFs mum.
Now what.

I'm amazed by how many people on here think it's ok.

If your ds and his gf are having sex, they are breaking the law. He could, technically, go to prison for two years.

For fucks sake.

This is not in my eyes a case of kids just having a bit of innocent fun. I would be furious if I discovered my dds doing such a thing at 15.

And anyone bleating on here about pictures of naked children being no different to images that have been clearly created for sexual titillation are making a crap argument out of disingenuous principles. There is quite clearly a line here.

God I know I sound old fashioned, but the thought of sexually explicit pictures of a 15 year old girl make my stomach turn.

Some of the more liberal (and like I said, I'm pretty liberal) posts here remind me of the way my mum parented me as a teen.

In her day, 15yos drank. But they drank at the back of the pub - a pint or two of probably quite weak cider. There was a lot of blind eye turning - according to her the village policeman included - and most of all, they were safe. So when I was that age, she gave me a long leash.

The difference was of course that by 1985, and living in a city, we were necking silly amounts of cheap, strong booze sold to us by unscrupulous shopkeepers (rather than the friendly village landlady who'd tell your mum if you were out of order). We put ourselves in all sorts of ridiculous, risky situations.

I'm still friends with many of my peers and we're all slightly astounded by our parents' naiveté.

It's not really the sexual element that the OP (or anyone else) should be concerned about - it's the ease and speed with which a teenage girl could find herself horribly humiliated, thanks to the technology that simply didn't exist 30 years ago. We need to amend our parenting to take this into account.

The humiliation/embarrasment this girls is experiencing at the hands of her and her BF's parents is trifling compared to what could have happened if (when?) this photo got into the wrong hands.

Goober - this forum itself can be extremely unreasonable sometimes.

When you think you are quite sure about whether something is 'right' or not there is always a numpty or two who will fly in the face of logic and disregard the law because 'they know better'.

(I do love the diversity that is MN though).

I am proud of myself on this thread that that I said my bit and bowed out and didn't get goaded into a bunfight.

You've done the right thing. I am taking plenty of notes for the future exploits of my own DCs.

Don't disappear, you are necessary on MN.

:)

Goober - don't go - you did the right thing imho. And if people disagree that's fine - as long as you are happy with what you have done and feel your choice of action was the best that is all that matters.

They seem so grown up at 15 but really they are still children who need guidance and at times a good bollocking.

Update sounds v sensible to me:

experimenting with sexual stuff - fine, remember to be safe and respect each other, etc

taking pictures in a form that can be easily distributed - you need a big dose of internet-savvy you dimwits

Why do you think her sending a naked picture of herself means she has no self respect?

The only thing I would ask is did GF know it was his screensaver. My boyfriend has taken such photos of me but I make him have a code on his phone so no one else can access them. I trust him enough not to show them to anybody.

"taking pictures of themselves naked and sending them to others via electronic technology is dirty"

Why is it dirty? We consider it a healthy part of our relationship. As long as both people are consenting and happy, nothing one chooses to do in a sexual relationship should be seen as dirty, sordid or wrong. And I thought in 2010 people should have the freedom to do what they wish without feeling like they would be hunted down if anyone was to find out their little secret.

Taking pictures naked - fine (with appropriate caveats for self-respect and ability to say no if pressured etc). Sending by electronic technology - foolish. Oh so very foolish.

But Hidetheelephant, these are 15 year olds, at school.
Imagine if one of his classmates got hold of his phone and forwarded the photo on as a "joke"?

Goobs, I think you've handled this perfectly, I am bloody scared to death now of the teenage years, luckily I have another 8/10 yrs left to go.

Lizzylou Which is why I said he should be spoken to about not having it as his screen saver and having it in a place that cannot be accessed without a password.

I think at 15 they are too young to be having photos like this at all.
That it was his screensaver shows his naivety over the whole thing I think.

overreaction is the worst possible thing in this case. If you don't accept that this is a natural thing for 15 year olds to do and continue to disapprove and punish him, he will never talk to you about sex - ever.

You need to deal with it in your head first and apologise for how you reacted, then you can talk frankly and openly and regain his trust

Christ almighty we have a child who has been sent pictures of his naked child girlfriend which could easily be uploaded and distributed all round the school and beyond, that she has distributed and he is in possession of indecent images of a minor. That they are probably having sex and op has no idea if they are using contraception.

And the most people can worry about is that the parents have intervened and the children will be embarrassed and think sex is 'dirty' as a result!

Forget the legal, privacy, respect issues. As long as their sex life is ok and they aren't embarrassed

No wonder the country's in a mess

@semicolon

its' more important to make sure the child can talk to his parents about stuff like this than to worry about what has already happened an can't be changed. there are ways and means of dealing with teenagers and "the youth of today" attitude you display isn't one of them

I'm not criticising the kids. They have been silly but thanks to ops' handling of the situation, there is no harm done.

I certainly don't have a 'youth of today' attitude!

I'm a bit shocked that people are criticising the op for giving her son a telling off and getting in touch with the girl's parents.

And I agree with a previous post - sometimes children want you to set boundaries when they are on difficult territory such as this.

Goober you have done exactly what I would have done.
What some people have forgotten about parenting teens is the guidance, including moral, that we are supposed to do. Which you have done admirably.

Hope everything is soon back to normal in your house soon.

Goober - just entering the teenage years. I think you have handled this brillantly. Am mother of sons and have found your approach an excellent guide. I hope things are going well. You seem to have a brilliant relationship with your DS.

I think Goober has her priorities right. Protection of two children.

There is huge pressure on girls to send naked pictures over electronic media nowadays. No problem with that with adults who have made a sensible, considered decision re risk.

For a 15 yr old??? It's wrong because of the risk of it going wrong.

This is for me the issue- separate to two teens becoming sexually active

Have come out of hiding to post an update before I go again. This is for anybody who was interested last time. Anybody with shitty comments can go to hell.

All returned to normal with DS and GF until last Tuesday when he ran away with all his worldly goods.
They had made a plan to meet up after she had finished school, he was off school "sick" and left home before she got out of school.
I found him missing quickly and called her mum who got to the GF and together we stopped the plan.
DS phoned me to pick him up.
I brought him home.
Serious trust issues with regard to phones and laptops which he has had confiscated again. He is allowed to phone her under supervision and vise versa for GF.
Their next "date" will be chaperoned by both GF's mum and me.
GF has not gone back to school since last week as she is very unstable and school don't want her hurting herself on their watch.
DS is in school. He had his first councilling session today, which I set up through his school. His head of year, form tutor and head all know what happened.

That is all.

Goober
You are going through tough times - been there too for different reasons. But believe in yourself as a good moral person and trust your instincts. They have not been wrong so far.

Lots of luck and unmumsnet hugs to you.

Lordy. You poor thing. Good luck.