Relatives going on about dd tattoos

[shatteredmelon]

Dd starting to get more tattoos and family members just make comments to me or if they don't just make back handed comments.
I'm not keen on them as some now on face forehead but I want to keep my mouth shut and support her whilst keeping strong when speaking to her grandparents etc who are very judgmental.
I wish she hadn't had them either but she will be covered and a adult so want to be strong for her without falling out with others who are judgemental about them.
It's so hard.

[yogasaurus]

I think you’re naive if you think forehead tattoos
are not going to be a talking point

[RunningFromInsanity]

Just say ‘her body, her choice’ and refuse to engage any further.

[shatteredmelon]

Also she recently moved out so not my responsibility anymore but I hate all the little comments that are made to me re her piercings too.
Family don't know she moved in with partner other day as that will be another lecture as she has not know them that long.
I feel like I am always defending her which she doesn't know and justifying her actions.
Teen years were very difficult as she went off rails but now 20 so I can't tell her what to do.
I am gutted she got facial tattoos privately.
I don't get it.....

[Hawkins009]

That's the thing, we can guide them, try to improve their skills and knowledge etc, but in the end they are their own personality and person.

[shatteredmelon]

@yogasaurus

I think you’re naive if you think forehead tattoos
are not going to be a talking point

Not naive at all that's why I made this post to try and handle constant comments without getting into a argument with others about something I have no control over now.
Just looking for some advice?

[Joolsin]

I had a friendly word with a relative who was making comments directly to DD about her tattoos. I said I understood that they didn't like tattoos, but that DD loved them, considered them very much as part of her and therefore negative comments felt like a direct attack on her. I asked if they could stop as I was sure they didn't intend to make DD feel bad about herself. No further negative comments were made.

[shatteredmelon]

@Joolsin

I had a friendly word with a relative who was making comments directly to DD about her tattoos. I said I understood that they didn't like tattoos, but that DD loved them, considered them very much as part of her and therefore negative comments felt like a direct attack on her. I asked if they could stop as I was sure they didn't intend to make DD feel bad about herself. No further negative comments were made.

Yeah have said this type of thing before and then sneering things are said to me instead and they look at her funny when she's not looking. It's almost like it's an excuse to have a go but I can't do anything about it. It's like a excuse to be horrible.
I hate it as makes me feel anxiety and that I'm always defending her.

[RugglesB]

Just shut it down every single time. Tell them you don't want to hear it and put the phone down/walk away every single time. It's unacceptable to keep sneering about it.

[shatteredmelon]

Dread family events as no one like her.
I love her billions and proud of her and although tattoos aren't my scene wouldn't be as bothered if other people didn't look at her as if she is something on bottom of their shoe.

[shatteredmelon]

@RugglesB

Just shut it down every single time. Tell them you don't want to hear it and put the phone down/walk away every single time. It's unacceptable to keep sneering about it.

It's hard as grandparents who I'm close with and aunt uncles

[RugglesB]

It's hard to have boundaries but you can do it OP. You're and she are worthy of healthy boundaries and not being sneered at. That's nasty behaviour.

[Samcro]

i would seriously think about not seeing people who are mean to your dd.
it doesn't sound like its just about the tattoos, if they are then going to start about her moving in with her bf. sounds like bullying to me.

[misssunshine4040]

@yogasaurus

I think you’re naive if you think forehead tattoos
are not going to be a talking point

It's literally no one's business!
They can talk amongst themselves but to raise it constantly to the op is insulting and rude.
Face tattoos can be covered with make up for work if they are not appropriate.
No big deal

[Mariposista]

To get tattoos on your face is attention seeking. Let her suck up the attention she obviously craved by getting them. Yuck

[winelove]

Ask they do they love her?
Ask them what would they rather that she didn't see them or family again?
If they love her and want her in their lives then they need to accept her.

[misssunshine4040]

@Mariposista 🙄

[becarefulofyourheart]

I’d be tempted to say ‘X is my daughter and I love her. The way you’re speaking about X is making it difficult for me to be around you.‘

Then just wait and see what they say. Let them say the next words.

If they’re being unpleasant about her and don’t stop when they know it’s making you unhappy, then do they really care for you? I’d take the view that they’ve had their say, made their jokes and having been told it’s hurting someone they love, it’s time to grow up and move on. They can do it, they just prefer not to.

[Bubop]

@shatteredmelon

It's hard as grandparents who I'm close with and aunt uncles

If you don’t want to leave/put the phone down, just be blunt and tell them their opinion is irrelevant and you don’t care what they think about her tattoos. They don’t care about your daughter’s feelings so there’s no need to tiptoe around theirs.

[Valerie23]

If she's the type of person to have facial tattoos and piercings, I highly doubt she gives a fuck about what other people think!

Their friends are often also covered i tattoos and piercings and it's a lifestyle choice that can be seen as being anti social.

That look is often sported by the idle children of the rich who have more money than sense and deface their bodies with mindless scribbled for want of something to do. Mar I Pierre Whites son springs to mind.

Then there are others who use the tattoos as a way of removing themselves from the norms of society such as getting a job and working.

Your relatives are right to be concerned and mention it as your daughter could well face poverty if she is unemployable because of her facial tattoos.

[shatteredmelon]

@Mariposista

To get tattoos on your face is attention seeking. Let her suck up the attention she obviously craved by getting them. Yuck

Yuck your comment so nasty
You must be yuck inside

[Valerie23]

It is attention seeking. Unless you gaze at your facial tattoos in mirrors or other reflections, then they are there to be looked at by everyone.

A facial tattoo is screaming 'LOOK AT ME!'

That's not being nasty. That's a fact.

[OldTinHat]

@Valerie23 Whoa! You're not a bigot at all, are you?!

OP, I think previous PPs have summed it up perfectly by suggesting you tell your relatives to stop being so critical and you'll have nothing to do with them if they have nothing nice to say. Your DD is lucky to have you as a mum.

[shatteredmelon]

@Valerie23

If she's the type of person to have facial tattoos and piercings, I highly doubt she gives a fuck about what other people think!

Their friends are often also covered i tattoos and piercings and it's a lifestyle choice that can be seen as being anti social.

That look is often sported by the idle children of the rich who have more money than sense and deface their bodies with mindless scribbled for want of something to do. Mar I Pierre Whites son springs to mind.

Then there are others who use the tattoos as a way of removing themselves from the norms of society such as getting a job and working.

Your relatives are right to be concerned and mention it as your daughter could well face poverty if she is unemployable because of her facial tattoos.

This is exactly the type of opinion that is so far removed from the truth.
Weird that people with tattoos are judged in this way!
There are some people on this thread who are very horrible inside but give the persona of something else on outside.
This answer is why I am asking for advice on how to support my dd.

[shatteredmelon]

@Valerie23

It is attention seeking. Unless you gaze at your facial tattoos in mirrors or other reflections, then they are there to be looked at by everyone.

A facial tattoo is screaming 'LOOK AT ME!'

That's not being nasty. That's a fact.

It's the comments you made about what a person with tattoos is normally up to.
It's bizarre 😂

[IfYouDontAsk]

Getting her face tattooed and moving in with a boyfriend/girlfriend she doesn’t know very well doesn’t exactly scream good judgement. Maybe they’re concerned about the rash decisions she’s making? Obviously you know better than us whether they’re coming from a place of worry or if they’re just being unkind.