Parental order for donor embryo

[KazBuck]

Ok I was wondering if anyone can give me advice. I was thinking to use a surrogate with a donor embryo but when looking at getting a parental order the child must be biologically related to the intended parents… Surely there must be a way around this ? I know I should speak to a solicitor and I’m waiting on a call just wondered if anyone has any experience with this topic x

Totally agree.

And rightfully so.

Women are not walking wombs for hire. You'll notice it's never rich women being surrogates and in the entire surrogacy industry there are a lot of woman exploited and even made a surrogate against their will.

I understand that @MumblesParty. But it cause enough problems for enough people for it to be given serious consideration.

It’s still buying a human being.

Does that include judging the morals of, say, a paedophile?

Just to add though, @MumblesParty your children have one biological parent to offer them an anchor. The scenario the op is proposing is anonymous donations of both egg and sperm gestated in an unrelated host.

I think that would very possibly cause quite a lot of emotional and psychological trauma. Where is this potential child's anchor? I think it's dangerous to just assume children will or should accept whatever they're told, and psychological damage can often take years to fully manifest. Children have no choice but to suck up their parents' decisions. They can appear absolutely fine because they will mask, perform for their parent or outwardly show what think their parents want to see. That doesn't mean those choices don't have an effect - that's why we see so many adults trying to unravel difficult feelings borne from their childhood.

I'm sure some children born from surrogacy are fine. I imagine there are plenty who aren't.

Op!!!!

I'm guess the poster means that the baby you are obtaining will one day be a teenager who has questions about their biological origins. They will seek out the woman that carried their pregnancy and also the woman who donated the egg. Can you imagine how that will mess with the child's head?

Infertility is awful, I have been there - but surrogacy where the child is not even genetically related to you in any way is completely selfish and irresponsible. I know you don't want to consider adoption, but this is essentially what you are doing, but also making the child's future identity even more complicated that it should be.

@CandyLeBonBon I’m all for protecting children from distress, and taking whatever steps are necessary. But I get frustrated but the judgement of donor conceptions, and the assumption that it is almost guaranteed to cause problems for the children.

It’s a massive double standard. Every day I read on here stories of fighting parents, kids having to walk on eggshells around angry Dad, parents assuring us that the kids never hear the screaming rows they have. In my job I come across parents with substance abuse, poverty, dysfunctional lives, violence, mental health problems - they are allowed to have baby after baby after baby, and unless they meet a pretty high threshold of abuse, no judgments are made of their choices. No one tells them they shouldn’t be having kids because they live in a one bedroom flat and have 3 kids already. Or because they’ve got no money, or are so crippled with anxiety they can’t take the kids to the park. No one tells them that their circumstances mean they shouldn’t be parents.

Yet people suffering with infertility are judged from all angles - playing god, being selfish, not thinking of the children etc. I hate this default assumption that biological parents have happy kids and non-biological parents don’t. It’s just wrong.

This thread has appeared in the Active topic.

Threads appear in the active topic when lots of people are posting on them. So the posters came first, which put the thread in “active”.

Yes rightly so. I agree with you. It’s exploitive. Although I don’t always think the surrogates are without blame. They’re not doing it to put food on the table as it were. I’m on a few plastic surgery groups on Facebook from when I had my tummy tuck and the amount of American women on there who are planning to be a surrogate to fund a mummy makeover is obscene.

No, maybe people should think really really hard before having children. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Plenty of people shouldn’t have biological children because they aren’t equipped financially, emotionally, whatever.

And that’s before you come on to renting another person’s womb because your (general your, not you specifically) needs to become a parent override absolutely everything else.

I used to think surrogacy between say friends, or a family member was ok, but then I realised that I would never ever risk the health and wellbeing of someone I loved to fulfil my own needs and wants.

Having a child is a privilege not a right and by comments on this thread the child always seems to be featured quite low on the priority list.

@MumblesParty genetics are very complex and have more influence than we give them credit. Most people need to know where they come from in order to understand themselves, be well balanced people and happy with every aspect of themselves.

I can tell you from my point of view, I grew up without my mum (not going into detail). My childhood was OK living with my dad but there were always parts of my personality that just didn't fit.
The interesting thing was when I reached out to my mum in my 20's... we look very similar, have similar interests, same personality traits, ... it's almost freaky!
Children who are adopted at a very young age or are created from donor sperm / egg may never know why they have black hair, hate vanilla ice cream or are very sporty... the total opposite to their parents.

@MumblesParty
Brand new thread with just the OP thread appear in Active.



@MumblesParty this thread appeared in active when there were about 10 responses. I just clicked on it out of curiosity and then decided to comment.

Surely what you're suggesting is no different to adoption though? You're not biologically related to the child so you're just adopting a baby that someone else has created/carried?

Just adopt if that's what you want anyway.

I'm not against surrogacy but this isn't really ethical surrogacy. It's the equivalent of adoption. So just start the adoption application process.

I think a lot of adopted children struggle because the relationship you have with the woman who carried you is the very first relationship you forge. When that person gives you away you’ve been rejected in life before you’ve even got started whatever way you dress it up. The relationship between a mother and child has the potential to be the most meaningful relationship a person can have and with surrogacy you plan on robbing a child of that before conception has even taken place.

I don’t really see how having a much wanted much loved child through surrogacy via a friend or family member who wishes to do it is so awful. Fertile people in all sorts of unsuitable circumstances can churn out as many as they want and are rarely criticised. You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine.

I feel for you and I’m sure that you didn’t mean to sound callous but in my opinion that last comment came across as: “I deserve a child but only on my terms.” Adopted children are not lesser beings and are more in need of your love than a child that doesn’t currently exist. If you wouldn't meet the adoption criteria, should you have a child?

Of course they are criticised! Like I said, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Yes the child might be well loved but it’s still putting the person carrying the pregnancy and giving birth at risk. People speak so flippantly about pregnancy and birth, it carries risk, during and after. That and the wellbeing of the child are secondary to the wants of the person wanting a child so badly. And it shouldn’t be.

With regards to the OP’s actual situation, there are laws preventing this and for very good reason. This keeps getting lost.

I judge anyone who brings a baby into the world in a manner that purposefully denies them a biological relationship with their mother of father. Every child has the right to know who their biological parents are and have a relationship with them wherever possible.

As I said I am entitled to my opinion. I won’t keep harping on about this trying to change yours. You won’t change mine either.

Yes you are entitled to your opinion. As is everyone.

You can engage as much or as little as you like. Do you know how discussion forums work?

Have to agree with @NorthernGirl1981
I judge too - and yes I had infertility issues as well but I would have stopped short of effectively raising someone else's child outside of an adoption situation. Embryo donation should be banned