Parental order for donor embryo

[KazBuck]

Ok I was wondering if anyone can give me advice. I was thinking to use a surrogate with a donor embryo but when looking at getting a parental order the child must be biologically related to the intended parents… Surely there must be a way around this ? I know I should speak to a solicitor and I’m waiting on a call just wondered if anyone has any experience with this topic x

My four year old has a better understanding of the world than this. .
OP I don't think you're at all ready to be a parent.

@CandyLeBonBon If a child is cared for by loving parents from the minute they are born, there is no reason to think that they’d be negatively affected by having grown inside someone else. Unless of course you believe that all donor treatment (eggs, sperm etc) is wrong, which is a whole other debate. By saying that the child suffers as a result of surrogacy, you’re basically saying that children can only be happy if they are looked after by the woman whose placenta provided their nutrients, which decimates adoption as a concept.

My “luck” of morals is based on your opinion I’m happy with my set of morals and even if yours differ to mine I believe the choices you make are yours to live with… Did you know that in certain countries egg and sperm donations are totally anonymous !!!

A lot of adopted people struggle so that argument doesn’t work. Also OP has shown a huge lack of understanding for what goes into surrogacy and doesn’t even understand how morals work. That’s not a good way to start parenting

Oh dear who hurt you 😂

Clearly a troll comment no?

Bloody hell. That really says it all. I really hope this doesn’t work out for you (for the surrogate and child’s sake)

Me being the troll, or the OP?

Ok now I'm downgrading you to my two year olds level.

I'm hoping you're trolling. In any case, no you can't do anything about the law that prevents you from creating an unrelated baby to order. Thank fuck.

Plenty of adopted kids aren't, I was adopted at birth and I'm not.

Can someone explain to me how a child born this way would suffer (assuming they were loved and cared for by parents from birth), in comparison to those born by donor egg/sperm/embryo without a surrogate? Or compared to the baby of a known abusive mother taken at birth and adopted immediately? Is it a given that these children have unhappy lives? Of course their lives are going to have a complication that needs to be discussed, and there’s the possibility of them wanting to meet their biological parents, but is it a guarantee they will be unhappy and should not have been born?

Someone asks you if you’ve considered the child in any of this and your response is to say, “In what way do you mean?”

This HAS to be a made up, goady post.

I was borderline thinking that you couldn’t be this naive/stupid anyway, and the above comment just seals it 🤣

@Livinginaclock sorry to hear that, but plenty of kids who aren’t adopted and aren’t the result of donor conception are not OK. Plenty of people aren’t OK, regardless of how their lives began.

Some will be absolutely fine. OPs wouldn’t be due to her ignorance on the subject. Having enough money and need for surrogacy doesn’t make you automatically a good parent.

@Pandasnacks I don’t have statistics but I am pretty sure that the majority of struggling that adopted people have relates to their time before they were adopted, be that drugs in utero, or abuse after birth before adoption.

In the UK, to obtain a parental order, at least one of the intended parents must be genetically related to the child. This is a legal requirement under the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008.

If you are using a donor embryo and neither intended parent is genetically related to the child, a parental order cannot be granted. Instead, the legal route would involve adopting the child after birth, which is a different and more complex process.

There is no legal way to bypass the genetic relationship requirement for a parental order in the UK.

I would also say you need to think carefully about the potential harms to the surrogate, what would happen in the instance of the child being severely disabled etc or the mother experiencing birth injuries or changing her mind.

In the UK, the woman who gives birth to the child is the legal mother, regardless of genetic connection. This applies even if the child is conceived using donor eggs or embryos. If married her husband is the legal father. This isn’t going to be a simple or easy option (nor should it be for the sake of the birth mother and child)

It doesn’t make you sound smart to make out like people don’t struggle not knowing where they came from or why they were removed/given up. Knowing your heritage, ancestry, background is important to a lot of peoples identity. Adoption is challenging for lots of reasons and prospective parents are checked and made to understand that and what issues can come up as a result. It should be the same for surrogacy for everyone’s sake.

Plenty of kids aren’t ok full stop. Maybe no one should have kids really when you think about it.

There is something profoundly wounding about not knowing your origins. Not knowing where you come from, and never knowing or understanding your heritage. You can have wonderful parents who love you but not knowing your own mother or father, not having a shared understanding of your genetic lineage can be really debilitating. Silly things like not knowing if you have anything in common with a parent you've never known can be really troubling and cause massive issues with your sense of self and identity.

@Pandasnacks OP says her friend offered to do it for free.
But I don’t know enough about OP to assess her specific situation. I’m talking in general terms. The feeling on MN is that surrogacy/adoption/donor egg/sperm/embryo = miserable unhappy life of the child. And I don’t see how such a generalisation can be made. Every day MN is full of posts by people with horrible family dynamics, the vast majority of which are biological genetic birth families.

Just because others do a shit job of raising their children, doesn’t mean is ok for others to do it. HTH. OP doesn’t even value her friends body and time enough to acknowledge they’d be doing a huge thing that puts them at risk and could come with some financial implications for OP, or that the friend would be a part of that baby's story. I doubt the OP is totally genuine here as they are way too goady, but if they are they should not be considering this path without educating themselves.

So much this.

It's buying a baby - welcome to the brave new world

@CandyLeBonBon it troubles some people, and others aren’t bothered. I have 2 children by donor sperm, different donors due to availability at the time. One of them is curious, and will probably try and find his biological father when he turns 18. The other is 19 and has no interest or curiosity at all. I on the other hand was brought up by my biological parents, until my useless Dad buggered off when I was a toddler. His detached sporadic contact has been pretty upsetting all my life, and was a direct contributor to my brother’s suicide as a young man. I’d have been happier if my dad was an anonymous sperm donor, because at least then his disinterest would have made more sense! The point I’m making is that all family set ups have the potential for upsetting the children. It’s not a case of “this will work and this won’t”.