Parental order for donor embryo

[KazBuck]

Ok I was wondering if anyone can give me advice. I was thinking to use a surrogate with a donor embryo but when looking at getting a parental order the child must be biologically related to the intended parents… Surely there must be a way around this ? I know I should speak to a solicitor and I’m waiting on a call just wondered if anyone has any experience with this topic x

Under current UK law there needs to be a genetic link to at least one of the parents in order to apply for the parental order. What you are hoping to do is essentially classed as adoption of an unrelated child so you (or a partner) couldn't apply for a parental order because there is no genetic link. In order to gain parental rights you will have to apply to adopt. This case is an international one but gives some idea of the legal arguments.^https://www.ngalaw.co.uk/adoption-order-granted-non-biological-mum-uk-surrogacy-legal-first/^

Thank you for actually providing factual information to the OP

The whole concept of surrogacy is very worrying. Any ‘gain’ is ethically problematic. Maybe she gets a kick out of being pregnant, showing off how fertile she is, maybe she wants to be closer to you, maybe she wants everyone to say how wonderful and generous she is? You might think that sounds more palatable than you giving her thousands of pounds but it really isn’t. All of this is about your wants and her wants and not about the child. Children should not be created for the express purpose of removing them from the mother that carried them.

Let's lay out what OP is actually looking to do, without the euphemisms.
OP wants to acquire both eggs and sperm, pay to create an embryo with them, and then implant that into her friend. The friend then gestates a baby, gives birth to it, and hands it to OP, a person completely unrelated to the baby, with no genetic, legal or familial links to it.

Where would the eggs and sperm come from? Who's donating in that scenario? They'd have to be bought, wouldn't they? Why would OP have any right to have that completely unrelated unlinked baby in her house, without anyone knowing about it or checking on it's welfare? Even puppies have to be registered.

This would be human trafficking, not surrogacy.

'When it’s your biggest dream to become a parent you will literally explore every possible option and others should try to be supportive in my opinion x'

Some of us literally don't explore every possible option. Some of us have red lines and a strong moral code about these things.

I'm afraid I agree with this.

But you should be considering the ethics. You have posted for advice and many posters are advising you of the ethical problems that you need to take into account. You don’t seem very keen on considering the negatives or the impact on others - on the surrogate mum and the baby.

Again morals are individual and you should not judge another personas morals just because they are different to yours !!!

She’s wanting to essentially adopt a newborn, via surrogacy. In reality, adopting a newborn is pretty much impossible.

People donate eggs, sperm and embryos. It happens all the time at fertility clinics.

We all judge others morals all the time...

Um yeah you should! If a creepy man has no morals and abuses a child, should we not judge because everyone’s morals don’t match? If you genuinely have no morals or ethical views on this process you shouldn’t be allowed to go through with it. There should be some sort of basic decency test and people should be made to educate themselves on the entire subject and what impact pregnancy has, what ethics and morals are. You no, all basic stuff teenagers learn.

There are very good reasons why adopting a newborn is pretty much impossible. A lot of these are what the op is wanting to ignore.

So nothing is morally wrong, it's all personal choice? Human trafficking, slavery - shouldn't judge 🤨

The commissioning and purchasing of humans is OF COURSE a social issue and everyone will have an opinion on it.
Plenty of people have very strong opinions on the breeding and selling of puppies, yet you think babies should be a matter of personal choice?

MN is weird about surrogacy. Posters always seem to assume that the pregnant woman is a tragic victim, selling her body out of desperation, and having her beloved baby ripped from her arms at birth. Maybe it is like that sometimes, especially in more money-driven countries with less regulation. But I’ve seen documentaries about surrogacy, in which the surrogates wanted to do a good deed, and actually enjoyed being pregnant. Some people do! And some people want to help friends and family. It’s not always a cruel oppressive situation.

Yes. That's lovely. But you've made that ALL about the surrogate. You've forgotten about the most important part of that transaction: the child at the heart of it.

Possibly far fewer “obstacles” for the commissioning parent ( I hate that term, but it does actually explain the situation in real terms) but HUGE “obstacles” for the surrogate whose body has to go through artificial preparation for implantation, not to mention the physical and emotional “obstacles” of gestating, birthing and relinquishing a child, and of course for the woman whose donated eggs the OP wants to use.

That’s exactly what she wants…..with no regards whatsoever about the lifelong trauma this may cause to the infant, and potentially her friend.

I am absolutely aghast how some women can see no wrong in taking such risk with an innocent infant’s well-being, inflicting a life on them which could potentially affect their mental health forever, just because they want a baby.

This is an actual human, a child, you are doing this to.

You are inflicting your wants on what will be a real child who grows into a real adult. This isn’t just some hypothetical newborn baby we are talking about. You are doing this to a child who has no choice in the matter, who will be taken away from its biological mother at birth, and who will be the one to suffer and live with the consequences of your actions.

In my eyes, any woman who is so careless about the long term well-being of a baby has no place in being a mother in the first place.

The ethical implications do still exist outside of mumsnet, and your post completely misses the existence of the human created out of it. OP is either deliberately goady or extremely ignorant about surrogacy and the moral impacts and also the physical impacts on her friend.

The word in the opening post 'use'. You want to 'use' a surrogate. A human being. I'm absolutely speechless. Human beings are not for the 'use' of others. 🤢

Have you considered the child in all of this?

Oh no it didn't. Incredibly condescending

Did you see the documentary on Netflix about the Dutch sperm doner?
It's grimm from a purely generic point of view. Imagine your DC finding out that they have 100's of half siblings across the world.

Your ignorance and luck of morals feeds into this kind of behaviour....

I know they do. Which is why I said in this particular scenario. I don't believe anyone would donate in these specific circumstances, and possibly may be even be allowed to.

In what way do you mean??