Has anyone ever had a baby through surrogacy?

[highsexdriveonhol]

Disclaimer: this is NOT a thread about the ethics of surrogacy - please don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line.

So I wanted to hear about positive and negative experiences of surrogacy from parents that did this to have a family.

Did it go well or not well for you, would you do it again?

Are there trauma issues for the child in your experience? Did you struggle to bond with the child?

Ideally looking for couple that used their own sperm and egg where possible.

Thanks in advance x

sometimes surrogacy is not just about a " a wealthy person or couple exploiting a poorer woman", sometimes it is couple that has also suffered some events than made their life harder and they can not have a baby in the normal way... if there is no comodifying in it

Sometimes getting a slave to help around the house not just about " a wealthy person or couple exploiting a poorer person", sometimes it is couple that has also suffered some events than made their life harder and they can not manage their house in the normal way... there is no comodifying in it.

Sometimes buying a kidney is not just about " a wealthy person or couple exploiting a poorer person", sometimes it is a person that has also suffered some events than made their health worse and they can not rely on their kidney surviving in the normal way... there is no comodifying in it

It's not about how much the person / couple wants it. It makes no difference, it's still a human rights violation.

And before you say what about kidney donation as opposed to black market sales - that doesn't translate because a kidney donor can consent. A baby can't.

well, that's the point, it is not slavery..
sometimes goin to work 8-16 for 2k pounds is a slavery

Yes and that's where genuinely altrustic surrogacy (where the surrogate does not profit one penny from the arrangement and is doing through love) is more similar to (though not equivalent to) altruistic kidney donation, whereas paid surrogacy is more akin to organ sales which are always evil and exploitative.

The difference as PP pointed out is that the baby can't consent so altruistic surrogacy like this needs to be extremely rare and subject tp the absolute highest levels of ethical oversight.

No one has a right to a baby. Especially not to buy one.

There is also an implicit assumption in surrogacy that babies are born a blank canvas, that handing the baby from its mother to the people who are buying it is of no consequence as how would they know any better? This is made easier with tricks of language like calling the birth mother the surrogate and the purchasing woman the mother.

But the more research is done on babies the more it becomes clear that babies are born knowing their mother and the world she lives in. Babies are born knowing their mother's voice, her gait, her heartbeat. A baby recognises the voices of the people who have been around a lot during pregnancy. They know the taste of the food their mother eats and the sounds of their language.

Her is a short video about how babies are born with accents picked up from the sounds they heard from the womb https://www.facebook.com/reel/658147616737574?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

How does it affect a baby to be removed from everything it knows and feels familiar with and to be put in a totally alien environment?

No one knows. However in adoption they recognise that every adoption starts with trauma. They are doing their best for children in difficult circumstances.

In surrogacy the impact on the baby is ignored. Instead humans are created to order and treated just like a commodity. No one worries if your car has had a traumatic experience getting from the car factory to you because it's an inanimate object without complex psychology. But a baby is not an inanimate object. It is not a consumer item. She or he is a human being with complex psychology, needs and -as they grow older - a sense of identity. Treating humans like consumer items is wrong in so many levels and not in the best interest of society.

What a beautiful story 💓

For the poster who used her own egg and grew that egg into an embryo, fetus and birthed a baby, she still says she's not the baby's mother. That's some serious cognitive dissonance. Wonder what the child will think in the future, that his mother tricked herself in denying him a mother. That her life goal was to make a baby and give it away. I find that behavior inhuman and very, very disturbing.

WTF would being a surrogate be someones life goal?
That is downright weird

MN is very against any form of surrogacy. Join the FB groups for UK IP (intended parents). You will hear more from people who have gone through this process.

Interesting that you say there is no financial benefit to the surrogate. How much is it costing you and what is the money being spent on?

My acquaintance used two surrogates and each cost £15-20k. She openly admits that it was more than just covering expenses and she was happy with that. The surrogate can claim for all sorts of things, including weekly grocery shopping. I think one used the money to take her family on holiday.

It's not a claim, it's illegal to pay a surrogate in UK for anything other than expenses, any gov.uk website will tell you that. What exists is a "fine" line in what is allowed.

Some people do pay one holiday (i have read stuff like caravan on a holiday park, not a trip to Paris) for the surrogate for spend time with her kids who had "less time with mum" due to pregnancy, courts do allow this expense. I have never heard of people paying groceries unless it's an issue that I want for the surrogate to eat organic food and usually she wouldn't. It wouldn't be fair for her to carry that extra expense. All of those should be agreed beforehand though.

The court does ask both parties how much was spent and they can request receipts.

Every situation is different. Every journey costs different due to surrogate different circumstances.

Sure, it’s illegal to cover anything other than “expenses” but pretty much anything can be claimed as a pregnancy related expense. Like you say, a holiday is considered a valid expense, as is buying organic food.

You’re kidding yourself if you don’t think women are doing this for the money in many cases. If you were struggling to feed your kids and giving them the life you want, you could feasibly become a surrogate and suddenly be able to afford to put food on the table and take the kids on holiday. I’m not saying that’s why all surrogates do it, but you would be foolish to think that doesn’t happen. I can guarantee that my own pregnancies didn’t cost me £20k.

Why would you want to control the diet of another woman?

In 2018 the Telegraph reported ‘expenses only’ surrogacy in England reaching £60,000.

https://x.com/wombsnotforrent/status/1847544002406494302?s=46

Why would you want to control the diet of another woman?

Because they see themselves as entitled to use that woman's body.